Monday, May 16, 2011
Oh Carter
I love having a kid. Yes there are many many trying times, but more times than not, its very rewarding. Its so fun to teach them new things and see the excitement on their face when they finally figure it out. Carter is at the age now where every day he is doing something new, learning something, and accomplishing it. It happens so fast. I feel like just the other day he turned 3 months old, and now he is almost 4 and a half months old. Its crazy! I really need to start doing better with keeping up with this blog because I have no idea what I have already written about. A few weeks ago, I spent about a week and a half really working with Carter to learn to put himself to sleep. It was much easier than I thought it would be. People always tell me that they had to use the Cry it out method, or waited till they were a year old to teach them to put themselves to sleep...or people feed them to put them to sleep. Nope, not my kid. I wrap him up, lay him in bed and he goes to sleep. Sometimes he gets a little fussy so I give him the paci, he will suck on it for a few minutes, spit it out and go to sleep. I pray he isn't one of those kids that ends up having to have the paci to sleep, but its not looking that way. Ever since he was born we had to make him take the paci and even then, he would spit it out after a while and didn't want it back. Thats my boy! Right now we are definitely going thru a growth spurt! He is sleeping so much! Night before last he slept over ten hours and then over 5 hours in naps. He was hardly awake! ha Last night, he only slept 6.5 hours and needed a bottle and then went back to sleep. SO slept a total of about 10 hours again. Looks lik we are slowly getting back on the road to sleeping all night. Oh how I have missed that. And I can tell Carter does to. Ever since he stopped sleeping thru the night, he hasn't been his excited, loud self. Just looked sleepy all the time. And now, he is starting to bust out of his swaddle more often. Last night he busted out COMPLETELY and was trying to roll over in the crip. Only problem is, he wont sleep without being swaddled..so... hmmm... yea looks like that will be our next lesson..sleeping without being wrapped up. AAHHH So this last week has been a very trying week for me. We have our appointment to have Carter's head looked like, which is good, but at the same time I still hate that this is happening. A lot of people understand what we are going thru and understand that its very normal for this to happen but then there are more people that dont understand, think we have done something wrong, think there is something wrong with Carter. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my child. He will grow up just like any other kid, and will be just as smart as any other kid. And we have done nothing wrong. Now that parents are supposed to put their kids on their backs to sleep, this is happening more often. And like I said in previous post, my kid is an amazing sleeper(which most parents can't say) and that is why his head is the way it is. But on the brighter side, Derrick and I have noticed that it is starting to look a lot better! We have been working really hard at keeping him off his head except to sleep. I hope we get to the clinic and the dr says that it doesn't look that bad, and lets give it one more month to see if it will correct itself. I just really dont want Carter to have to wear a helmet and THEY ARE REALLY EXPENSIVE!! And if he does have to get one, we will be driving to dallas like every other week to get it refit...and well that will add up too...and to be honest, we dont have that kind of money. So lets add that to my stress list. I know God is taking care of us, and he will make it all work. I am trying so hard not to worry or be upset about it all...but its hard. Also, now that Carter is sleeping longer during the day, I have so much free time. YOu can only clean your house so much! So, I am looking for something to do that can bring in a few bucks to help pay for all of these possible expenses...any ideas? Well this week will be a fun one, thats for sure. Today is Dad's birthday, so we are having a little party for him tonight. The rest of the week, there is no telling... But this weekend is my SIL Baby shower that me and Ashley are hosting. It should be a lot of fun! Oh and ASHLEY GOT ENGAGED! She is so excited, so I need to go see her ring at some point. WEdnesday, I am having blood work done to check my cholesterol. It has been extremely high in the past, so I want to see how it is now. Probably not good. I am trying to eat better, but its so hard. And then sunday...is THE BIG DAY! Our first trip with Carter. Pretty nervous about the trip in itself. I just have this feeling he is going to scream the whole two hours there. NO FUN! And our first stay at a hotel with a baby...hope they dont kick us out! ha And then the Appointment is Monday morning at 8:45. Hopefully I have good news after that. Well I am going to go enjoy the quiet while Carter naps. Yall have a great day
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Plagiocephaly
Plagiocephaly or also called "flat head syndrom". THis is something we are learning about right now.
When we took carter to his two month check up we told the dr we were concered about a flat spot on the back right side of his head. Yes, this is common since now we are told to put babies on their backs to sleep. The dr didn't seem to be too concerned since it is more common now. She just told us to make sure we do more tummy time and try to keep him off of it as much as possible. Also to make sure that it wasnt a neck related problem, make sure he can turn his head to both sides. He could turn his head with no problem, its just that he is a little stubborn and likes to sleep on the right side of his head. So of course, being the person that I am...I researched. Now, one in five babies have some form of this problem and is more common in babies who are good sleepers. Well that was Carter! After his two month check up, we did everything we could to keep him off his head. We propped him up in bed to try to make him sleep on the other side of his head. That actually worked and now we dont prop him up, but he sleeps on both sides equally. So that should help. But shortly after his two month birthday, he started sleeping in his crib thru the night, in his crib during naps instead of me holding him (so glad we broke that habit) so really he ended up being on his head more than he was before. So we saw that his head started getting worse. Since he was holding his head up pretty good now, we basically put him on his tummy as much as we could. The only time we didn't put him on his tummy was after he ate, and even then, we would hold him in our laps so that his head would't be touching anything, or if we absolutely had to, we would put him in his bouncy chair, even then, most the time he wouldhn't sit back because he was so excited that he could almost sit up. And alot of the time we would put him in his bouncer. He really seemed to like being able to jump every where. But with all of our efforts to try and correct his head...it wasn't working. So at his four month appt we told the dr we were still concerned and after looking at his head, she agreed it would probably be best for us to be referred to a specialist. She did say that it looked like it was trying to fill out some on its own, but better for us to be safe and have it looked at. Basically around 6 months, his head will more than likely start correcting itself since by then he will be sitting up and off his head more. And normally by a year old its completely corrected, on its own. But sometimes it doesn't work out that well and if you wait too long it cant be corrected. So we all agreed it was best to have a specialist look at him to see if it was a severe enough problem to correct it now, by wearing a helmet. We were referred to Star Cranial Center in Dallas. We have our first appt May 23. I am actually really nervous, mainly because, yes i will admit it, I am a vain person, I get my feelings hurt easily, and well...I dont want Carter to have to wear a helmet. I feel like I should have caught this earlier and worked harder on making sure it didn't get worse. But at the same time I know its not my fault and its a very common problem now, and its all because carter is a good sleeper...who would be upset that their infant is a good sleeper?! NOT ME! So now...we take our first step into seeing what we can do to fix this. Who knows, maybe we will get tehre and the dr will say that its not that bad and that it will correct itself. I just didnt' want to NOT do something about it and later in life it didnt fix itself and then its too late, or if it was a serious problem and we didn't look into it when we should have. Better to be safe than sorry. So I ask, those of you that read this blog,be in prayer for my little family. One that we have a safe trip to dallas, two that carter does ok in the car (he has only been to wichita and back), and three that we learn what we can do about his head. :)
Also, I am trying to keep updated pictures to see if his head is getting worse and hopefully later, better. These pictures are hard to tell...but atleast its something.
Getting a flat spot on one side of a baby's head can cause the opposite side (front left) to also get flat. Dr described it as a balloon. You push on one side, it gets kind of oblong in shape. It can also cause the ears to be uneven. One of carters ears is closer to the front of his face than the other. In very severe cases, it can also cause the face to basically start sliding and be uneven. This has not happened to Carter, he has a perfect face.
March 15, 2011
April 1, 2011
May 5, 2011
May 6, 2011
May 6, 2011
May 7, 2011
When we took carter to his two month check up we told the dr we were concered about a flat spot on the back right side of his head. Yes, this is common since now we are told to put babies on their backs to sleep. The dr didn't seem to be too concerned since it is more common now. She just told us to make sure we do more tummy time and try to keep him off of it as much as possible. Also to make sure that it wasnt a neck related problem, make sure he can turn his head to both sides. He could turn his head with no problem, its just that he is a little stubborn and likes to sleep on the right side of his head. So of course, being the person that I am...I researched. Now, one in five babies have some form of this problem and is more common in babies who are good sleepers. Well that was Carter! After his two month check up, we did everything we could to keep him off his head. We propped him up in bed to try to make him sleep on the other side of his head. That actually worked and now we dont prop him up, but he sleeps on both sides equally. So that should help. But shortly after his two month birthday, he started sleeping in his crib thru the night, in his crib during naps instead of me holding him (so glad we broke that habit) so really he ended up being on his head more than he was before. So we saw that his head started getting worse. Since he was holding his head up pretty good now, we basically put him on his tummy as much as we could. The only time we didn't put him on his tummy was after he ate, and even then, we would hold him in our laps so that his head would't be touching anything, or if we absolutely had to, we would put him in his bouncy chair, even then, most the time he wouldhn't sit back because he was so excited that he could almost sit up. And alot of the time we would put him in his bouncer. He really seemed to like being able to jump every where. But with all of our efforts to try and correct his head...it wasn't working. So at his four month appt we told the dr we were still concerned and after looking at his head, she agreed it would probably be best for us to be referred to a specialist. She did say that it looked like it was trying to fill out some on its own, but better for us to be safe and have it looked at. Basically around 6 months, his head will more than likely start correcting itself since by then he will be sitting up and off his head more. And normally by a year old its completely corrected, on its own. But sometimes it doesn't work out that well and if you wait too long it cant be corrected. So we all agreed it was best to have a specialist look at him to see if it was a severe enough problem to correct it now, by wearing a helmet. We were referred to Star Cranial Center in Dallas. We have our first appt May 23. I am actually really nervous, mainly because, yes i will admit it, I am a vain person, I get my feelings hurt easily, and well...I dont want Carter to have to wear a helmet. I feel like I should have caught this earlier and worked harder on making sure it didn't get worse. But at the same time I know its not my fault and its a very common problem now, and its all because carter is a good sleeper...who would be upset that their infant is a good sleeper?! NOT ME! So now...we take our first step into seeing what we can do to fix this. Who knows, maybe we will get tehre and the dr will say that its not that bad and that it will correct itself. I just didnt' want to NOT do something about it and later in life it didnt fix itself and then its too late, or if it was a serious problem and we didn't look into it when we should have. Better to be safe than sorry. So I ask, those of you that read this blog,be in prayer for my little family. One that we have a safe trip to dallas, two that carter does ok in the car (he has only been to wichita and back), and three that we learn what we can do about his head. :)
Also, I am trying to keep updated pictures to see if his head is getting worse and hopefully later, better. These pictures are hard to tell...but atleast its something.
Getting a flat spot on one side of a baby's head can cause the opposite side (front left) to also get flat. Dr described it as a balloon. You push on one side, it gets kind of oblong in shape. It can also cause the ears to be uneven. One of carters ears is closer to the front of his face than the other. In very severe cases, it can also cause the face to basically start sliding and be uneven. This has not happened to Carter, he has a perfect face.
March 15, 2011See how the front left and back right look flat while the front right and back left look kind of pointy.
April 1, 2011
May 5, 2011It can also cause, the top part of the head, (the crown) to stick out some. Almost cone head like
May 6, 2011
May 6, 2011THe lump on the back part of his head is where the dr said it is starting to fill out on its own. Good sign
May 7, 2011Top angle. Can see the flat spot pretty good here.
For those of you that read this and have negative thoughts on this matter. Like how in the world could parents let this happen to their child, believe me, I felt the same way. But after lookign into it, its a very common problem and there really wasnt much we could have done to prevent it. God blessed us with a good sleeper and thats that.
If you have any questions, please feel free to email me. I am happy to share what we are going thru and what we are learning.
This in no way is effecting carters growth or learning ability. He is actually doing things right now that are at a 6 month old range. So he is actually ahead of the pack, it is basically all cosmetic. But if you could help your kid look better, woudln't you? I mean later in life when he goes bald (because he will) he will hate us if he has a funky shaped head! haha
Now we just wait for our appointment, see what the dr says, and go from there. Hopefully he will say he is positive it will correct itself and we wont have to get a helmet, but if we do have to get a helmet, then that is for the best. I just wish the darn things weren't so expensive! They told us that they are a little over $3800.00 if insurance wont cover it. Yea, my jaw dropped too!
Well that is all I have to say about that. :)
If you want to learn more about Plagiocephaly or want to see what the helmets look like, this is the place we will be going to.
http://www.starcranialcenter.com/
If you want to learn more about Plagiocephaly or want to see what the helmets look like, this is the place we will be going to.
http://www.starcranialcenter.com/
Life Updated
Wow, its been a while since I have updated. LIfe has just been crazy lately. I dont even know where to start to catch up. Um..Carter can now roll over from front to back and back to front. Not everytime, but he has done it a few times now. The times he can't remember how to do it he starts getting upset, i guess upset at himself for not remembering. poor kid. ha He also holds hit head up completely on his own, talks like crazy...and has a very very strong personality. We have experienced the dreaded 4 month wakeful period and just waiting for it to end. He slept thru the night, atleast 10 hours a night from 2 months to 4 months and then all of a sudden started waking up again atleast once a night.. no fun! Reminds me how NOT fun a newborn is! haha Sorry for those of you that have a newborn or about to have one..but its no fun! what else, what else...
Carter had his first Easter. Didn't mean anything to him of course, but I totally got him an Easter basket. I was so excited! Derrick even got something from the easter bunny.
Church that morning, carter did great. We fed him during church and he kept quiet the whole time. And of course the thomas trio had matching outfits!
Then came mothers day. I was so excited for my first official mothers day. LAst year on mothers day is when we announced we were pregnant... :)
Carter did such a good job at shopping for his mommy. We got matching mommy and baby shirts, a few books and a mommy and baby figurine. LOVED IT ALL!
Oh and more on Carter, he can now officially put himself to sleep. Without having to use the cry it out method... YAY! That saves my back from so much pain.
Well...thats about it for this blog.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Love dare-last day-day 40
Love Is a Covenant
Where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. – Ruth 1:16
Congratulations. You’ve reached the end of the Love Dare – the book. But the experience and challenge of loving your mate is something that never comes to an end. It goes on for the rest of your life.
This book may end at Day 40. But who says your dare has to stop? And as you view your marriage relationship from this point on, we challenge you to consider it a covenant instead of a contract. These two words sound similar in meaning and intent but are in reality much different. Seeing marriage as a contract is like saying to your spouse, “I take you for me and we’ll see if this works out.” But realizing it as a covenant changes it to say, “I give myself to you and commit to this marriage for life.”
There are many other differences between covenants and contracts. A contract is usually a written agreement based on distrust, outlining the conditions and consequences if broken. A covenant is a verbal commitment based on trust, assuring someone that your promise is unconditional and good for life. It is spoken before God out of love for another.
A contract is self-serving and comes with limited liability. It establishes a time frame for certain deliverables to be met and accomplished. A covenant is for the benefit of others and comes with unlimited responsibility. It has no expiration date. It is “til death do us part.” A contract can be broken with mutual consent. A covenant is intended to be unbreakable.
The Bible contains several major covenants as part of the unfolding story of God’s people. God made a covenant with Noah, promising never to destroy all flesh with a worldwide flood (Genesis 9:12-17). He made a covenant with Abraham, promising that an entire nation of descendents would come from his family line (Genesis 17:1-8). He made a covenant with Moses, declaring that the people of Israel would be God’s permanent possession (Exodus 19:3-6). He made a covenant with David, promising that a ruler would sit on his throne forever (2 Samuel 7:7-16). Ultimately, He made a “new covenant” by the blood of Christ, establishing an unending, unchanging legacy of forgiven sins and eternal life for those who believe in Him (Hebrews 9:15). Never once has God broken any of these covenants.
And then there’s marriage – the strongest covenant on earth between two people, the pledge of a man and woman to establish a love that is unconditional and lasts a lifetime. In marriage, your wedding ring represents your covenant vows – not merely commitments you hoped to keep but premeditated promises, publicly spoken and witnessed by others.
As you’ve read numerous times in these pages, keeping this covenant is not something you can do in your own strength. There’s good reason why God was the One who initiated covenants with His people. He alone is able to fulfill the demands of His own promises. He alone is able to forgive the receivers of His covenant when they fail to uphold their part of the agreement. But the Spirit of God is within you by the virtue of your faith in His Son and the grace bestowed upon you in salvation. That means you now can exercise your role as covenant keeper, no matter what may arise to challenge your faithfulness to it.
Especially if your spouse is not in a place of receiving your love right now, the act of covenant keeping can grow more daunting with each passing day. But marriage is not a contract with escape clauses and exception wordings. Marriage is a covenant intended to cut off all avenues of retreat or withdrawal. There’s nothing in all the world that should sever what God has joined together. Your love is based on covenant.
Hundreds of years after the prophet Malachi recorded these words, people are still wondering why God withholds His hand of blessing at times from their homes and marriages. “You say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been witness between you and your wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant … For I hate divorce, says the Lord, the God of Israel, and him who covers his garment with wrong, says the Lord of hosts. So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously” (Malachi 2:14, 16).
Every marriage is called to be an earthly picture of God’s heavenly covenant with His church. It is to reveal to the world the glory and beauty of God’s unconditional love for us. Jesus said, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love” (John 15:9 NIV). Let His words inspire you to be a channel of God’s love to your spouse.
The time is now, man or woman of God, to renew your covenant of love in all sincerity and surrender. Love is too holy a treasure to trade in for another, and too powerful a bond to be broken without dire consequences. Fasten your love afresh on this one the Lord has given you to cherish, prize, and honor.
Your life together is before you. Dare to take hold of it and never let go.
We dare you.
Today’s Dare
Write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home. Perhaps if appropriate, you could make arrangements to formally renew your wedding vows before a minister and with family present. Make it a living testament to the value of marriage in God’s eyes and the high honor of being one with your mate.
Where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. – Ruth 1:16
Congratulations. You’ve reached the end of the Love Dare – the book. But the experience and challenge of loving your mate is something that never comes to an end. It goes on for the rest of your life.
This book may end at Day 40. But who says your dare has to stop? And as you view your marriage relationship from this point on, we challenge you to consider it a covenant instead of a contract. These two words sound similar in meaning and intent but are in reality much different. Seeing marriage as a contract is like saying to your spouse, “I take you for me and we’ll see if this works out.” But realizing it as a covenant changes it to say, “I give myself to you and commit to this marriage for life.”
There are many other differences between covenants and contracts. A contract is usually a written agreement based on distrust, outlining the conditions and consequences if broken. A covenant is a verbal commitment based on trust, assuring someone that your promise is unconditional and good for life. It is spoken before God out of love for another.
A contract is self-serving and comes with limited liability. It establishes a time frame for certain deliverables to be met and accomplished. A covenant is for the benefit of others and comes with unlimited responsibility. It has no expiration date. It is “til death do us part.” A contract can be broken with mutual consent. A covenant is intended to be unbreakable.
The Bible contains several major covenants as part of the unfolding story of God’s people. God made a covenant with Noah, promising never to destroy all flesh with a worldwide flood (Genesis 9:12-17). He made a covenant with Abraham, promising that an entire nation of descendents would come from his family line (Genesis 17:1-8). He made a covenant with Moses, declaring that the people of Israel would be God’s permanent possession (Exodus 19:3-6). He made a covenant with David, promising that a ruler would sit on his throne forever (2 Samuel 7:7-16). Ultimately, He made a “new covenant” by the blood of Christ, establishing an unending, unchanging legacy of forgiven sins and eternal life for those who believe in Him (Hebrews 9:15). Never once has God broken any of these covenants.
And then there’s marriage – the strongest covenant on earth between two people, the pledge of a man and woman to establish a love that is unconditional and lasts a lifetime. In marriage, your wedding ring represents your covenant vows – not merely commitments you hoped to keep but premeditated promises, publicly spoken and witnessed by others.
As you’ve read numerous times in these pages, keeping this covenant is not something you can do in your own strength. There’s good reason why God was the One who initiated covenants with His people. He alone is able to fulfill the demands of His own promises. He alone is able to forgive the receivers of His covenant when they fail to uphold their part of the agreement. But the Spirit of God is within you by the virtue of your faith in His Son and the grace bestowed upon you in salvation. That means you now can exercise your role as covenant keeper, no matter what may arise to challenge your faithfulness to it.
Especially if your spouse is not in a place of receiving your love right now, the act of covenant keeping can grow more daunting with each passing day. But marriage is not a contract with escape clauses and exception wordings. Marriage is a covenant intended to cut off all avenues of retreat or withdrawal. There’s nothing in all the world that should sever what God has joined together. Your love is based on covenant.
Hundreds of years after the prophet Malachi recorded these words, people are still wondering why God withholds His hand of blessing at times from their homes and marriages. “You say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been witness between you and your wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant … For I hate divorce, says the Lord, the God of Israel, and him who covers his garment with wrong, says the Lord of hosts. So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously” (Malachi 2:14, 16).
Every marriage is called to be an earthly picture of God’s heavenly covenant with His church. It is to reveal to the world the glory and beauty of God’s unconditional love for us. Jesus said, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love” (John 15:9 NIV). Let His words inspire you to be a channel of God’s love to your spouse.
The time is now, man or woman of God, to renew your covenant of love in all sincerity and surrender. Love is too holy a treasure to trade in for another, and too powerful a bond to be broken without dire consequences. Fasten your love afresh on this one the Lord has given you to cherish, prize, and honor.
Your life together is before you. Dare to take hold of it and never let go.
We dare you.
Today’s Dare
Write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home. Perhaps if appropriate, you could make arrangements to formally renew your wedding vows before a minister and with family present. Make it a living testament to the value of marriage in God’s eyes and the high honor of being one with your mate.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Love dare-day 39
Love Endures
Love never fails. – 1 Corinthians 13:8
Of all the things love dares to do, this the ultimate. Though threatened, it keeps pursuing. Though challenged, it keeps moving forward. Though mistreated and rejected, it refuses to give up.
Love never fails.
Many times when a marriage is in crisis, the spouse who is trying to make things work will go to the other, declaring in no uncertain terms that no matter what has happened in the past, he or she is committed to this marriage. Their love can be counted on to last. They promise. But not wanting to hear this yet, the other spouse holds their position. They still want out. They don’t see this marriage lasting long-term. Nor do they even want it to anymore.
The partner who has just laid his or her heart on the line, extending the olive branch, can’t handle the rejection. So they withdraw their statement. “Fine. If that’s the way you want it, that’s the way it’ll be.”
But if love is really love, it doesn’t waffle when it’s not received the way you want it to be. If love can be told to quit loving, then it’s not really love. Love that is from God is unending, unstoppable. If the object of its affection doesn’t choose to receive it, love keeps giving anyway.
Love never fails.
Never.
That’s what Jesus’ love is like. His disciples were nothing if not unpredictable. After their final Passover meal together, when Jesus told them they would all forsake Him before the night was over, Peter declared, “Even though all may fall away because of You, I will never fall away … Even if I have to die with You, I will not deny You” (Matthew 26:33, 35). All the other disciples echoed the very same promise.
But later that night, Jesus’ inner circle of followers – Peter, James, and John – would sleep through Christ’s agony in the garden. On the way to Christ’s crucifixion, Peter would deny Him three times in the courtyard. But at the precise moment, the Bible says Jesus “turned and looked” at him (Luke 22:61). His men had failed Him – again – within hours of their sworn promises. Yet He never stopped loving them, because He and His love are “the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).
When you have done everything within your power to obey God, your spouse may still forsake you and walk away – just as Jesus’ followers did to Him. But if your marriage fails, if your spouse walks away, let it not be because you gave up or stopped loving them.
Love never fails.
Of the nine “fruits of the Spirit” listed in Galatians 5, the first of all is love. And because the unchanging Holy Spirit is its source – the same Holy Spirit who dwells in the hearts of all believers – then the love He creates in you is unchanging as well. It is based on the will of God, the calling of God, and the Word of God – all unchanging things. The Bible declares them “irrevocable” (Romans 11:29). “Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away” (Luke 21:33).
Only a few days ago you were Love Dared to build your marriage on the Word of God. That’s because when all else fails, the truth of God will still be standing. Along the way you have also been dared to be patient, to be unselfish, to sacrifice for your mate’s needs.
These are not just loving ideas, existing in isolation. Each quality of love outlined in this book is based on the love of God, captured and expressed in the Word of God. The unchanging Word of God. No challenge or circumstance can occur that will ever put an expiration date on Him or His love. Therefore, your love – made of the same substance – bears the same, unchanging characteristics.
Love never fails.
So today your dare is to put your unfailing love into the most powerful, personal words you can. This is your chance to declare that no matter what imperfections exist – both in you and in your spouse – your love is greater still. No matter what they’ve done or how often they’ve done it, you choose to love them anyway. Though you’ve been far from steady in your treatment of them over the years, your days of being inconsistent in love are over. You accept this one man or woman as God’s special gift to you, and you promise to love them until death.
You’re saying to your spouse, “Even if you don’t like what you’re reading – even if you don’t like me – I choose to love you anyway. Forever.”
Because love never fails.
Today’s Dare
Spend time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your spouse. Include why you are committing to this marriage until death, and that you have purposed to love them no matter what. Leave it in a place that your mate will find it.
Love never fails. – 1 Corinthians 13:8
Of all the things love dares to do, this the ultimate. Though threatened, it keeps pursuing. Though challenged, it keeps moving forward. Though mistreated and rejected, it refuses to give up.
Love never fails.
Many times when a marriage is in crisis, the spouse who is trying to make things work will go to the other, declaring in no uncertain terms that no matter what has happened in the past, he or she is committed to this marriage. Their love can be counted on to last. They promise. But not wanting to hear this yet, the other spouse holds their position. They still want out. They don’t see this marriage lasting long-term. Nor do they even want it to anymore.
The partner who has just laid his or her heart on the line, extending the olive branch, can’t handle the rejection. So they withdraw their statement. “Fine. If that’s the way you want it, that’s the way it’ll be.”
But if love is really love, it doesn’t waffle when it’s not received the way you want it to be. If love can be told to quit loving, then it’s not really love. Love that is from God is unending, unstoppable. If the object of its affection doesn’t choose to receive it, love keeps giving anyway.
Love never fails.
Never.
That’s what Jesus’ love is like. His disciples were nothing if not unpredictable. After their final Passover meal together, when Jesus told them they would all forsake Him before the night was over, Peter declared, “Even though all may fall away because of You, I will never fall away … Even if I have to die with You, I will not deny You” (Matthew 26:33, 35). All the other disciples echoed the very same promise.
But later that night, Jesus’ inner circle of followers – Peter, James, and John – would sleep through Christ’s agony in the garden. On the way to Christ’s crucifixion, Peter would deny Him three times in the courtyard. But at the precise moment, the Bible says Jesus “turned and looked” at him (Luke 22:61). His men had failed Him – again – within hours of their sworn promises. Yet He never stopped loving them, because He and His love are “the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).
When you have done everything within your power to obey God, your spouse may still forsake you and walk away – just as Jesus’ followers did to Him. But if your marriage fails, if your spouse walks away, let it not be because you gave up or stopped loving them.
Love never fails.
Of the nine “fruits of the Spirit” listed in Galatians 5, the first of all is love. And because the unchanging Holy Spirit is its source – the same Holy Spirit who dwells in the hearts of all believers – then the love He creates in you is unchanging as well. It is based on the will of God, the calling of God, and the Word of God – all unchanging things. The Bible declares them “irrevocable” (Romans 11:29). “Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away” (Luke 21:33).
Only a few days ago you were Love Dared to build your marriage on the Word of God. That’s because when all else fails, the truth of God will still be standing. Along the way you have also been dared to be patient, to be unselfish, to sacrifice for your mate’s needs.
These are not just loving ideas, existing in isolation. Each quality of love outlined in this book is based on the love of God, captured and expressed in the Word of God. The unchanging Word of God. No challenge or circumstance can occur that will ever put an expiration date on Him or His love. Therefore, your love – made of the same substance – bears the same, unchanging characteristics.
Love never fails.
So today your dare is to put your unfailing love into the most powerful, personal words you can. This is your chance to declare that no matter what imperfections exist – both in you and in your spouse – your love is greater still. No matter what they’ve done or how often they’ve done it, you choose to love them anyway. Though you’ve been far from steady in your treatment of them over the years, your days of being inconsistent in love are over. You accept this one man or woman as God’s special gift to you, and you promise to love them until death.
You’re saying to your spouse, “Even if you don’t like what you’re reading – even if you don’t like me – I choose to love you anyway. Forever.”
Because love never fails.
Today’s Dare
Spend time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your spouse. Include why you are committing to this marriage until death, and that you have purposed to love them no matter what. Leave it in a place that your mate will find it.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Love dare-day 38
Love Fulfills Dreams
Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. – Psalm 37:4
What is something your spouse would really, really love? And how often do you ask yourself that question?
Common sense tells us we can’t give our wife or husband everything they might like. Our budgets and account balances tell us we probably couldn’t afford it anyway. And even if we could, it might not be good for us. Or for them.
But perhaps you’ve let “no” become too quick a response. Perhaps you’ve let this negative default setting become too reasoned and rational, too automatic. What if instead of dismissing the thought, you did your best to honor it. What might happen if the one thing they said you’d never do for them became the next thing you did?
Love sometimes needs to be extravagant. To go all out. It sometimes needs to set aside the technicalities and just bless because it wants to.
Is that thinking too much like a teenager? Is love like this no longer on the menu after so many years of marriage? After all, with the way your relationship might be at the moment, wouldn’t it be less than genuine to indulge your spouse if your heart’s not in it?
Well, how about putting your heart in it. How about developing a new level of love that actually wants to fulfill every dream and desire you possibly can.
Hasn’t God’s love met needs in your heart that once seemed out of the question? You were living under such a load of sin and regret; you thought you’d never earn your way back into His good graces. But He looked at you with love and said you didn’t have to. He wanted you back. He wanted you to realize your need for Him, and that as you repented and turned to Him, He would love and forgive you. “God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ” (Ephesians 2:4-5).
You thought life was over when a certain setback took all the wind out of your sails. You broke down and cried out to Him. You prayed like you’d never prayed before. And though it wasn’t easy getting back up and walking on, you somehow survived. He met you with His promised peace “which surpasses all comprehension” (Philippians 4:7) and kept you on your feet.
It wasn’t when you were behaving like an angel that God chose to pour out His love on you. It wasn’t when you were behaving like an angel that God chose to pour out His love on you. It wasn’t because you were so deserving that He offered you His grace. “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Chris died for us” (Romans 5:8).
He’s your model. He’s the One your love is designed to imitate. Though you weren’t a likely candidate for His love, He gave it anyway. He paid the price.
Not everything your spouse wants has a hefty price tag. Not everything he or she desires can be bought with money. Your wife may really want your time. She may really want your attention. She may really want to be treated like a lady, to know that her husband considers her his greatest treasure. She may really want to see in your eyes a love that chooses to be there no matter what.
Your husband may really want your respect. He may really want you to acknowledge him as the head of the house in front of the children. He may really want you to put your arms around his neck for no apparent reason, surprising him with a long kiss or a love note when there’s not even a birthday or anniversary to justify it. He may really need to know that you still think he’s strong and handsome, the way you used to.
· Dreams and desires come in all shapes and sizes. But love takes careful notice of each one.
· Love calls you to listen to what your mate is saying and hoping for.
· Love calls you to remember the things that are unique to your relationship, the pleasures and enjoyments that bring a smile to the other’s face.
· Love calls you to give when it would be a lot more convenient to wait.
· And love calls you to daydream about these opportunities so regularly that their desires become yours as well.
We dare you to think in terms of overwhelming your spouse with love. To surprise them by exceeding all their expectations with your kindness. It may or may not be a financial sacrifice, but it needs to reflect a heart that is willing to express itself with extravagance.
What is something your spouse would really, really love? It’s time you started living out the answer to that question.
Today’s Dare
Ask yourself what your mate would want if it was obtainable. Commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some (if not all) of their desires, to whatever level you possibly can.
Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. – Psalm 37:4
What is something your spouse would really, really love? And how often do you ask yourself that question?
Common sense tells us we can’t give our wife or husband everything they might like. Our budgets and account balances tell us we probably couldn’t afford it anyway. And even if we could, it might not be good for us. Or for them.
But perhaps you’ve let “no” become too quick a response. Perhaps you’ve let this negative default setting become too reasoned and rational, too automatic. What if instead of dismissing the thought, you did your best to honor it. What might happen if the one thing they said you’d never do for them became the next thing you did?
Love sometimes needs to be extravagant. To go all out. It sometimes needs to set aside the technicalities and just bless because it wants to.
Is that thinking too much like a teenager? Is love like this no longer on the menu after so many years of marriage? After all, with the way your relationship might be at the moment, wouldn’t it be less than genuine to indulge your spouse if your heart’s not in it?
Well, how about putting your heart in it. How about developing a new level of love that actually wants to fulfill every dream and desire you possibly can.
Hasn’t God’s love met needs in your heart that once seemed out of the question? You were living under such a load of sin and regret; you thought you’d never earn your way back into His good graces. But He looked at you with love and said you didn’t have to. He wanted you back. He wanted you to realize your need for Him, and that as you repented and turned to Him, He would love and forgive you. “God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ” (Ephesians 2:4-5).
You thought life was over when a certain setback took all the wind out of your sails. You broke down and cried out to Him. You prayed like you’d never prayed before. And though it wasn’t easy getting back up and walking on, you somehow survived. He met you with His promised peace “which surpasses all comprehension” (Philippians 4:7) and kept you on your feet.
It wasn’t when you were behaving like an angel that God chose to pour out His love on you. It wasn’t when you were behaving like an angel that God chose to pour out His love on you. It wasn’t because you were so deserving that He offered you His grace. “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Chris died for us” (Romans 5:8).
He’s your model. He’s the One your love is designed to imitate. Though you weren’t a likely candidate for His love, He gave it anyway. He paid the price.
Not everything your spouse wants has a hefty price tag. Not everything he or she desires can be bought with money. Your wife may really want your time. She may really want your attention. She may really want to be treated like a lady, to know that her husband considers her his greatest treasure. She may really want to see in your eyes a love that chooses to be there no matter what.
Your husband may really want your respect. He may really want you to acknowledge him as the head of the house in front of the children. He may really want you to put your arms around his neck for no apparent reason, surprising him with a long kiss or a love note when there’s not even a birthday or anniversary to justify it. He may really need to know that you still think he’s strong and handsome, the way you used to.
· Dreams and desires come in all shapes and sizes. But love takes careful notice of each one.
· Love calls you to listen to what your mate is saying and hoping for.
· Love calls you to remember the things that are unique to your relationship, the pleasures and enjoyments that bring a smile to the other’s face.
· Love calls you to give when it would be a lot more convenient to wait.
· And love calls you to daydream about these opportunities so regularly that their desires become yours as well.
We dare you to think in terms of overwhelming your spouse with love. To surprise them by exceeding all their expectations with your kindness. It may or may not be a financial sacrifice, but it needs to reflect a heart that is willing to express itself with extravagance.
What is something your spouse would really, really love? It’s time you started living out the answer to that question.
Today’s Dare
Ask yourself what your mate would want if it was obtainable. Commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some (if not all) of their desires, to whatever level you possibly can.
Love dare-day 37
Love Agrees in Prayer
If two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by May Father. – Matthew 18:19
If someone told you that by changing one thing about your marriage, you could guarantee with near 100 percent assurance that your life together would significantly improve, you would at least want to know what it was. And for many godly couples, that “one thing” is the daily practice of praying together.
To someone who tends to devalue spiritual matters, this sounds fairly ridiculous. And if told that shared prayer is a key ingredient in marital longevity and leads to a heightened sense of sexual intimacy, they would think you had really gone too far. But the unity that grows between a man and woman who regularly pray together forms an intense and powerful connection. Within the sanctuary of your marriage, praying together can work wonders on every level of your relationship.
When you were joined together as husband and wife, God gave you a wedding gift – a permanent prayer partner for life. When you need wisdom on a certain decision, you and your prayer partner can seek God together for the answer. When you’re struggling with your own fears and insecurities, your prayer partner can hold your hand and intercede on your behalf. When you and your spouse are not getting along and can’t get past a particular argument or sticking point, you can call a time out, drop your weapons, and go with your partner into emergency prayer. It should become your automatic reflex action when you don’t know what else to do.
It’s hard to stay angry long with someone for whom you’re praying. It’s hard not to back down when you’re hearing your mate humbly cry out to God and beg Him for mercy in the midst of your heated crisis. In prayer, two people remember that God has made them one. And in the grip of His uniting presence, disharmony blends into beauty.
Praying for your spouse leads your heart to care more deeply about them. But more importantly, God is pleased when He sees you both humbling yourselves and seeking His face together. His blessing falls on you when you agree in prayer.
The word Jesus used when He talked about “agreeing” in prayer has the idea of harmonic symphony. Two separate notes, played one at a time, sound different. They’re opposed to each other. But play them at the same time – in agreement – and they can create a pleasing sense of harmony. Together they give a fuller, more complete sound than either of them can make on its own.
Agreeing in prayer is like that – even in the midst of disagreeing. It pulls you both back toward your real center. It places you on common ground, face-to-face before the Father. It restores harmony in the midst of contention.
The church – which in Scripture has a marriage connotation with Christ – can sometimes be a place where conflict rules. The disharmony that can flare up over various matters can derail the church from its mission and disrupt the free flow of worship and unity. At times godly church leaders will see what is taking place, break off discussions, and call the people of God to prayer. Instead of continuing the discord and allowing more feelings to be hurt, they will seek unity by turning their hearts back to God and appealing to Him for help.
The same thing happens in our homes when there is an intervention of prayer, even at high points of disagreement. It stops the bleeding. It quiets the loud voices. It pauses you as you realize whose presence you’re in.
But prayer is for a lot more than breaking up fights. Prayer is a privilege to be enjoyed on a consistent, daily basis. When you know that prayer time awaits you before going to bed, it will change the way you spend your evening. Even if your prayers together are typically short and to the point, this will become a standing appointment that you can orbit your day around, keeping God in the middle of everything.
It’s true that beginning a habit like this can initially feel awkward and uncomfortable. Anything this powerful will surprise you with its weight and responsibility when you actually try doing it. But bear in mind that God wants you to engage with Him – invites you, in fact – and He will grow you as you take it seriously and push past those times when you don’t know what to say.
You’ll look back at this common thread that ran through everything from average Mondays to major decisions and be so thankful for this “one thing” that changed everything. This is one area where it’s imperative that you agree to agree.
Today’s Dare
Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together. Talk about the best time to do this -- whether it’s in the morning, your lunch hour, or before bedtime. Use this time to commit your concerns, disagreements, and needs before the Lord. Don’t forget to thank Him for His provision and blessing. Even if your spouse refuses to do this, resolve to spend this daily time in prayer yourself.
If two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by May Father. – Matthew 18:19
If someone told you that by changing one thing about your marriage, you could guarantee with near 100 percent assurance that your life together would significantly improve, you would at least want to know what it was. And for many godly couples, that “one thing” is the daily practice of praying together.
To someone who tends to devalue spiritual matters, this sounds fairly ridiculous. And if told that shared prayer is a key ingredient in marital longevity and leads to a heightened sense of sexual intimacy, they would think you had really gone too far. But the unity that grows between a man and woman who regularly pray together forms an intense and powerful connection. Within the sanctuary of your marriage, praying together can work wonders on every level of your relationship.
When you were joined together as husband and wife, God gave you a wedding gift – a permanent prayer partner for life. When you need wisdom on a certain decision, you and your prayer partner can seek God together for the answer. When you’re struggling with your own fears and insecurities, your prayer partner can hold your hand and intercede on your behalf. When you and your spouse are not getting along and can’t get past a particular argument or sticking point, you can call a time out, drop your weapons, and go with your partner into emergency prayer. It should become your automatic reflex action when you don’t know what else to do.
It’s hard to stay angry long with someone for whom you’re praying. It’s hard not to back down when you’re hearing your mate humbly cry out to God and beg Him for mercy in the midst of your heated crisis. In prayer, two people remember that God has made them one. And in the grip of His uniting presence, disharmony blends into beauty.
Praying for your spouse leads your heart to care more deeply about them. But more importantly, God is pleased when He sees you both humbling yourselves and seeking His face together. His blessing falls on you when you agree in prayer.
The word Jesus used when He talked about “agreeing” in prayer has the idea of harmonic symphony. Two separate notes, played one at a time, sound different. They’re opposed to each other. But play them at the same time – in agreement – and they can create a pleasing sense of harmony. Together they give a fuller, more complete sound than either of them can make on its own.
Agreeing in prayer is like that – even in the midst of disagreeing. It pulls you both back toward your real center. It places you on common ground, face-to-face before the Father. It restores harmony in the midst of contention.
The church – which in Scripture has a marriage connotation with Christ – can sometimes be a place where conflict rules. The disharmony that can flare up over various matters can derail the church from its mission and disrupt the free flow of worship and unity. At times godly church leaders will see what is taking place, break off discussions, and call the people of God to prayer. Instead of continuing the discord and allowing more feelings to be hurt, they will seek unity by turning their hearts back to God and appealing to Him for help.
The same thing happens in our homes when there is an intervention of prayer, even at high points of disagreement. It stops the bleeding. It quiets the loud voices. It pauses you as you realize whose presence you’re in.
But prayer is for a lot more than breaking up fights. Prayer is a privilege to be enjoyed on a consistent, daily basis. When you know that prayer time awaits you before going to bed, it will change the way you spend your evening. Even if your prayers together are typically short and to the point, this will become a standing appointment that you can orbit your day around, keeping God in the middle of everything.
It’s true that beginning a habit like this can initially feel awkward and uncomfortable. Anything this powerful will surprise you with its weight and responsibility when you actually try doing it. But bear in mind that God wants you to engage with Him – invites you, in fact – and He will grow you as you take it seriously and push past those times when you don’t know what to say.
You’ll look back at this common thread that ran through everything from average Mondays to major decisions and be so thankful for this “one thing” that changed everything. This is one area where it’s imperative that you agree to agree.
Today’s Dare
Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together. Talk about the best time to do this -- whether it’s in the morning, your lunch hour, or before bedtime. Use this time to commit your concerns, disagreements, and needs before the Lord. Don’t forget to thank Him for His provision and blessing. Even if your spouse refuses to do this, resolve to spend this daily time in prayer yourself.
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