My life is not my own. This is something I have to constantly remind myself. I am here to live for God, to do the things he has asked and to share his love throughmy actions. As a sinful human this is a very hard task. Human nature always tries to take over. I amthe worst! When there is a problem, or I'm upset I automatically go into "fix mode". I like to make everything better all the time. In my head if anyone has anproblem or anyone is hurting I can fix it. Icant but I think I can! This is something I am working in handing over to God. As of lately I have been slapped in the face many times with the fact that I can not fix things without gods help. I have tried on my own, did what I felt was best, what I thought god wanted me to do and I was painfully wrong. Thinking you are doing what god wants and knowing you are doing what god wants are two totally different things!! Man are the different! As a Christian you have to remember that you need to constantly work to strengthen your relationship with god so that you can better hear and know what he is telling you to do. I want to say a quick thanks to my husband!!! He has been my rock lately! He has been strong for the both of us, has encouraged me, comforted me more than should ever be expected and loved me unconditionally and more than anything has stood by my side! I thank god every day for him!
Now on a different note, sleep. I miss it! Not for the reason you think, Carter sleeps atleast elevan hours every night, but because I just can't go to sleep. Have been having to take twobenadryl every night in hopes it will make me sleep. But I still wake up at like three and just lay there. And I can't keep taking benadryl! Last night I was determined to fall asleep on my own and finally did around midnight but then woke up at three because I keep having terrible nightmares. People tell me it's because if hormones. Hormones are from the devil! Man! Last night in my dream I watched my dad get killed and last night Derrick was in a horrible car accident. Bad part is they were so real and so detailed that I keep seeing both their faces, in pain! Ugh!
Ok now on to Carter. Yesterday was rough! Day before he had light fever, diarrhea, wouldn't eat and kept spitting up. Yesterday he seemed fine except still wouldn't eat but then started screaming like crazy! No matter what I did he wouqldnt calm down. He was so upset he would stop breathing. So scary. Finally after trying everything I gave him some Tylenol and after another hour if screaming he finally fell asleep. Then Derrick got him to eat and poor boy was starving. Yesterday was just a bad day and he didn't feel good and I think he could tell I was having a bad day and that made him more upset. But once he calmed down things were great. He is going to be such a fun kid! I can already tell he has an awesome personality! Just like his mom! Ha ha
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