Wow its been a while since I have updated.
What all has happened in the last 2 months? Well Carter is 8 months old now and learning so much. He talks (gibberish) all the time and laughs at everything. He is so much fun. They funny part is he is SO VERY SHY. When we are out or go see other people, he is so quiet. People dont believe me when I say he is the complete opposite at home. He is rolling everywhere, and pulling up on everything and WALKING! Well almost. He wants to walk everywhere. With our help of course, or the help of the couch or anything else he can get his hands on. And can stand on his own for a little while before he realizes you aren't holding him and he gets scared and grabs you. But the silly boy wont crawl! Thats ok, I have read so many things lately that says more kids are starting to skip crawling all together and going straight to walking. That looks like us. Its so much fun watching him learn new things. And see in his eyes when he realizes what he just did on his own. He gets so excited!
We went to Star Cranial again yesterday. She said she has taken just about all she can out of the helmet, so we wont be able to make it much bigger. So if he grows as much as he has been then when we go back in three weeks, we might be finished. They will do a scan to see what his numbers are, to see how much he has been corrected. I am so ready to be finished with it. I hope we are really done in three weeks, that way he is finished in time for HALLOWEEN! I know it shouldn't be, but its one of my favorite holidays. its just fun dressing up, and of course eating candy all day and night! (ok i wont lie, all month) HA.
Basically that is all that is going on. Funny how our lives just stop once we have kids. that is all i basically have to share. Oh we are working on selling our house. Well, trying to get it fixed up as perfect as we can. The inside is perfect, I keep that as clean as possible all the time, its just the yard that we need to work on. This no rain thing has really killed it. So if anyone is interested in a two bed, one bath house...come over and take a look!
Thats all in the life of the Thomas Trio. Hopefully the next post will be more interesting! :)
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Slow Day...
Well, at least it feels slow compared to the last two days.
Wednesday we had Carter's six month check up at Dr. Peter's office. It was the first time we have seen Dr. Peters. WE LOVE HER! I am so thankful that they took us as patients (no one else would take us since Carter wasn't a newborn). I was almost in tears the whole time we were there because I loved it so much. You never really know how good something is unless you had something not so good before it. The doctor was extremely impressed by Carter's size. She said "we like big babies" haha. He was 29 1/4 inces long and 19 lbs 25 oz. ANd the best part...they gave us a little sticker with all that info written on it. THe other dr didn't do that. So I hve no idea how big he was at his other appointments. :( The really funny part is Carter was happy the whole time we were there, until we put him on the table. He didn't like the paper I guess. He started crying like he has never cried before. So I had to pick him up and calm him down. Silly boy. ANd then when it was time for shots (I left the room) he was crying before they even gave them to him because he had to lay on the paper again...haha Derrick said he dind't even react to the shots because he was already crying so hard.
Then Thursday, we drove to Addison for another appointment at Star Cranial. I love the people there and the way they treat Carter, only bad part is we are only there for like 15 min. So we drive a total of 5 hours almost to see them for 15 min. UGH oh well. THey are impressed with how much he is growing. In 4 weeks we get to do another scan to see how much he had improved. We can already see a crazy difference. Hoping they tell us when they expect him to get it off.
And then last night, because Carter crashed in the car at like 6, he wasn't very tired for bed. But we wanted to stick to our routine. So we let him stay up about 30 min longer than normal. Normally we give him a bottle and that makes him tired so he goes right to sleep. BUt last night, he wasn't having anything to do with sleeping! haha So after about 30 min of trying to get him to sleep, we gave up and decided that we might as well start the CIO method now. We have been planning to start that soon, but our schedule has been working so good! haha So we let him lay there and talk and play and after about 15 min he started to get upset. And after about a min of crying, he went straight to sleep. I hope every night is that easy. I will never complain because Carter has been soooo good about teaching new things. After a few days he always catches on to whatever part of life we are changing for him. Sleep schedule, feeding schedule, not being swaddled. He has just been the best baby!
Well now to Coupons... Derrick went on a little shopping trip for me the other day. Went to Pier One and got an awesome 6 candle holder thing and a huge bag of tea lights all for $1.50!! HOW? Because I had a $10 off coupon if you spend $10 or more! haha so he spent just barely over the $10 mark.
And then...he went to Target and got two boxes of Ziploc bags and a pair of jeans for me, all for $5!!!! HOW YOU ASK?! I had TWO $1 off coupons for the bags (and they were on sale) and then I had a $3 coupon off for the jeans (and they were on sale for $4.98).
The hint...just make sure the items you have coupons for are on sale FIRST! :)
And today...well today hasn't been as busy. I worked at the Daycare for a couple hours this morning and now I am doing housework because my inlaws are coming over for dinner. For those of you that know me...Since having Carter I am an extreme clean freak. Its crazy! I cannot stand to have my house and especially my kitchen dirty! haha Also today, I plan to get rid of MORE of my clothes. I have decided that its time to be a full fledged mommy and get rid of my little girl clothes! haha Easier said than done.
And this weekend...MORE BABY FOOD! Carter has already eaten all of the food I made for him, so now its time to make more. And different kinds. YAY!
Carter is napping right now so I am taking this time to go over my coupons, see whats on sale, clean and try to squeeze in lunch. I love days like today!
Wednesday we had Carter's six month check up at Dr. Peter's office. It was the first time we have seen Dr. Peters. WE LOVE HER! I am so thankful that they took us as patients (no one else would take us since Carter wasn't a newborn). I was almost in tears the whole time we were there because I loved it so much. You never really know how good something is unless you had something not so good before it. The doctor was extremely impressed by Carter's size. She said "we like big babies" haha. He was 29 1/4 inces long and 19 lbs 25 oz. ANd the best part...they gave us a little sticker with all that info written on it. THe other dr didn't do that. So I hve no idea how big he was at his other appointments. :( The really funny part is Carter was happy the whole time we were there, until we put him on the table. He didn't like the paper I guess. He started crying like he has never cried before. So I had to pick him up and calm him down. Silly boy. ANd then when it was time for shots (I left the room) he was crying before they even gave them to him because he had to lay on the paper again...haha Derrick said he dind't even react to the shots because he was already crying so hard.
Then Thursday, we drove to Addison for another appointment at Star Cranial. I love the people there and the way they treat Carter, only bad part is we are only there for like 15 min. So we drive a total of 5 hours almost to see them for 15 min. UGH oh well. THey are impressed with how much he is growing. In 4 weeks we get to do another scan to see how much he had improved. We can already see a crazy difference. Hoping they tell us when they expect him to get it off.
And then last night, because Carter crashed in the car at like 6, he wasn't very tired for bed. But we wanted to stick to our routine. So we let him stay up about 30 min longer than normal. Normally we give him a bottle and that makes him tired so he goes right to sleep. BUt last night, he wasn't having anything to do with sleeping! haha So after about 30 min of trying to get him to sleep, we gave up and decided that we might as well start the CIO method now. We have been planning to start that soon, but our schedule has been working so good! haha So we let him lay there and talk and play and after about 15 min he started to get upset. And after about a min of crying, he went straight to sleep. I hope every night is that easy. I will never complain because Carter has been soooo good about teaching new things. After a few days he always catches on to whatever part of life we are changing for him. Sleep schedule, feeding schedule, not being swaddled. He has just been the best baby!
Well now to Coupons... Derrick went on a little shopping trip for me the other day. Went to Pier One and got an awesome 6 candle holder thing and a huge bag of tea lights all for $1.50!! HOW? Because I had a $10 off coupon if you spend $10 or more! haha so he spent just barely over the $10 mark.
And then...he went to Target and got two boxes of Ziploc bags and a pair of jeans for me, all for $5!!!! HOW YOU ASK?! I had TWO $1 off coupons for the bags (and they were on sale) and then I had a $3 coupon off for the jeans (and they were on sale for $4.98).
The hint...just make sure the items you have coupons for are on sale FIRST! :)
And today...well today hasn't been as busy. I worked at the Daycare for a couple hours this morning and now I am doing housework because my inlaws are coming over for dinner. For those of you that know me...Since having Carter I am an extreme clean freak. Its crazy! I cannot stand to have my house and especially my kitchen dirty! haha Also today, I plan to get rid of MORE of my clothes. I have decided that its time to be a full fledged mommy and get rid of my little girl clothes! haha Easier said than done.
And this weekend...MORE BABY FOOD! Carter has already eaten all of the food I made for him, so now its time to make more. And different kinds. YAY!
Carter is napping right now so I am taking this time to go over my coupons, see whats on sale, clean and try to squeeze in lunch. I love days like today!
Monday, July 25, 2011
Lists, Lists, and More Lists
I have realized that I basically MAKE myself more work than is needed most of the time. HA Oh well
So this morning I wake up at 6 am, because Carter woke up BEFORE THAT (he now will no longer sleep past 6) and as I laid there praying Carter would go back to sleep, all the things that I needed to do started filling my mind.
So I am going to make a TO DO LIST, on my blog, just for myself. That way I can make sure I didnt forget something and THAT WAY I will hopefully sleep better at night.
TO DO LIST
1) Go thru Carter's clothes and bag up stuff that is to small.
2) Clean out the inside of Derrick's Car (and outside if time)
3) Finish Dishes
4) Put up Laundry
5) Get Supper stuff out
6) Organize Fridge
7) Sweep (mop if time)
8) Finish Organizing Coupons
9) Price Mini Freezers
10) Start working on Next Shopping trip
Ok. So from 8-10 I worked at the Daycare. Played. Fed Carter at 11. Played. By 11:30 I had #1 finished. Put Carter down at Noon. Now to go work on Derrick's car. Bad thing is ITS HOT! Check back in with ya later. Oh and just a reminder to myself. Need to share how our mini shopping trip went last night.
WOW! Its super hot out there. Pretty sure I just sweat like 20 lbs off! Ok so thirty min later, Derrick's Care is kinda clean. NOT THE OUTSIDE...its too hot out there. It took thirty min just to take the trash out and vacuum a little. YES IT WAS GROSS! So #2 is done! No on to the dishes...But I think I will eat first.
Well, while my hot pockets cooked (yes, very healthy food! NOT), I went ahead and organized the fridge. So #6 is done! But I think WHILE I eat, I will work on my coupons. Gotta take advantage of times that C is asleep!!
2:33 and I have everything done except : Laundry, Sweeping, pricing for freezers, and starting my shopping list. Not bad, eh? oh and I should price ceiling fans..ours fried. :(
Freezers are NOT cheap! Come one people! I just need a freezer, so I can really coupon shop! My freezer is PACKED! Because Albertson's had such good sales on meat, that is all that is in my freezer!
Last night, Derrick and I spent an hour and half in Walmart, just pricing everything. When you normally buy the off brand of food, sometimes the coupon for the name brand stuff dont make it any cheaper than what yuo would normally buy. So we wrote down prices for almost everything! It was crazy. But good to have! So after that we went to Target. They had a dozen eggs on sale for $1.39 which was like 20 cents cheaper than walmart. ha Not tha tmuch cheaper, but still, cheaper. But there were only a few packs left adn they were all broke. NEVERMIND. We got two boxes of granola bars. They were on sale for $2.33 and I have a dollar off, which made them $1.83 each. The off brand at walmart is like 2.15 is. We also got some yogurt cups (derrick loves them). They were on sale for $0.60. (about $0.79 everywhere else) But I had a coupon for $0.40 off if you buy atleast 6. So we got six of them and got them for $0.53 each. Pretty good! Thats about a quarter cheaper than at most places. We also got some Lysol wipes. I use these like crazy. Best way for me to kep my house clean. I have priced these everywhere! The normal price is about $2. At the Family Dollar the are $2.75 and at Dollar General they were $2.50. At Walmart they were $2.48. (a lot of numbers, I know, but stick with me). Target had them for $2.29 which is the cheapest so far. But I had a Target coupon for $0.75 off AND a Lysol coupon for $0.50 off if you bought two. So I got two and ended up getting them for $1.67 each. AWESOME DEAL!!
See, its great when you actually get something you NEED and would buy even if yo didn't have a coupon, but for a CHEAP price, thanks to coupons! ha
And I am writing all this while I research fans and freezers. I am a crazy multi tasker. ha
Well I have given up on pricing...They are all expensive, so I will let the hubs make that decision! ha
And I am tired of blogging right now, well tired all around, and Carter will be asleep for a few more min, so I need to go sweep and all my chores are done, except laundry. That can wait till tomorrow! haha
So this morning I wake up at 6 am, because Carter woke up BEFORE THAT (he now will no longer sleep past 6) and as I laid there praying Carter would go back to sleep, all the things that I needed to do started filling my mind.
So I am going to make a TO DO LIST, on my blog, just for myself. That way I can make sure I didnt forget something and THAT WAY I will hopefully sleep better at night.
TO DO LIST
1) Go thru Carter's clothes and bag up stuff that is to small.
2) Clean out the inside of Derrick's Car (and outside if time)
3) Finish Dishes
4) Put up Laundry
5) Get Supper stuff out
6) Organize Fridge
7) Sweep (mop if time)
8) Finish Organizing Coupons
9) Price Mini Freezers
10) Start working on Next Shopping trip
Ok. So from 8-10 I worked at the Daycare. Played. Fed Carter at 11. Played. By 11:30 I had #1 finished. Put Carter down at Noon. Now to go work on Derrick's car. Bad thing is ITS HOT! Check back in with ya later. Oh and just a reminder to myself. Need to share how our mini shopping trip went last night.
WOW! Its super hot out there. Pretty sure I just sweat like 20 lbs off! Ok so thirty min later, Derrick's Care is kinda clean. NOT THE OUTSIDE...its too hot out there. It took thirty min just to take the trash out and vacuum a little. YES IT WAS GROSS! So #2 is done! No on to the dishes...But I think I will eat first.
Well, while my hot pockets cooked (yes, very healthy food! NOT), I went ahead and organized the fridge. So #6 is done! But I think WHILE I eat, I will work on my coupons. Gotta take advantage of times that C is asleep!!
2:33 and I have everything done except : Laundry, Sweeping, pricing for freezers, and starting my shopping list. Not bad, eh? oh and I should price ceiling fans..ours fried. :(
Freezers are NOT cheap! Come one people! I just need a freezer, so I can really coupon shop! My freezer is PACKED! Because Albertson's had such good sales on meat, that is all that is in my freezer!
Last night, Derrick and I spent an hour and half in Walmart, just pricing everything. When you normally buy the off brand of food, sometimes the coupon for the name brand stuff dont make it any cheaper than what yuo would normally buy. So we wrote down prices for almost everything! It was crazy. But good to have! So after that we went to Target. They had a dozen eggs on sale for $1.39 which was like 20 cents cheaper than walmart. ha Not tha tmuch cheaper, but still, cheaper. But there were only a few packs left adn they were all broke. NEVERMIND. We got two boxes of granola bars. They were on sale for $2.33 and I have a dollar off, which made them $1.83 each. The off brand at walmart is like 2.15 is. We also got some yogurt cups (derrick loves them). They were on sale for $0.60. (about $0.79 everywhere else) But I had a coupon for $0.40 off if you buy atleast 6. So we got six of them and got them for $0.53 each. Pretty good! Thats about a quarter cheaper than at most places. We also got some Lysol wipes. I use these like crazy. Best way for me to kep my house clean. I have priced these everywhere! The normal price is about $2. At the Family Dollar the are $2.75 and at Dollar General they were $2.50. At Walmart they were $2.48. (a lot of numbers, I know, but stick with me). Target had them for $2.29 which is the cheapest so far. But I had a Target coupon for $0.75 off AND a Lysol coupon for $0.50 off if you bought two. So I got two and ended up getting them for $1.67 each. AWESOME DEAL!!
See, its great when you actually get something you NEED and would buy even if yo didn't have a coupon, but for a CHEAP price, thanks to coupons! ha
And I am writing all this while I research fans and freezers. I am a crazy multi tasker. ha
Well I have given up on pricing...They are all expensive, so I will let the hubs make that decision! ha
And I am tired of blogging right now, well tired all around, and Carter will be asleep for a few more min, so I need to go sweep and all my chores are done, except laundry. That can wait till tomorrow! haha
Saturday, July 23, 2011
My First...
...argument with a cashier.
With all the couponing blogs and websites I have been reading, they all say that AT LEAST once, you will have to correct a cashier on how much they charge you. Remember: Customer SHOULD always be right!
Today, I went to the Dollar General in Burk because I had a coupon for $5 off if you spend $25 or more. So I went in to buy a whole lot of baby wipes and anything else I might find to total up to $25. The original plan was to just buy a lot of baby wipes. We aren't picky on wipes, and they are super cheap there, plus with $5 off, that makes them even better. When I got there, I noticed that they had clothes buy one get one free, as long as they have a yellow dot on the tag. So I got Carter 4 shirts, all for $5 each. Which means, I pay $10 for 4 shirts. Not a bad deal, right? I also needed one more pack of ice trays for Carter's baby food. So as I am standing in line, I am adding all my items up to make sure they equal at least $25.
Wipes were $4.50 each and I got 3 packs. So a total of $13.50.
The ice trays were $2.
Four shirts $5 each. But two were free, so $10.
And I got a magnet strip for $1.
TOTAL OF: $26.50
Plus Tax the Grand Total was $28.69
Then I had my $5 coupon.. WHICH MEANS...My FINAL TOTAL WAS... $23.69
But WAIT! I didn't pay close enough attention to the shirts I was getting. One of then DID NOT have a yellow dot on it. So I had to have them take that off and correct it after I went and found a yellow dot item. Ok good...all fixed. Well, I get to the car and start adding things up. They charged me $28.69 and no where on the receipt did it show they took off the $5 coupon!! So, yes, I went back in and had them look at it. The lady that checked me out had ZERO idea what was going on. I explained and she just didn't get it. So another guy came over to help...and in the end, I got my money back PLUS a little more.... Why? hahaha Because the guy thought that they charged me for a shirt when they shouldn't have. But that isn't what happened, they just didn't take the $5 off for the coupon. So instead of getting $5 back. I got the price of a shirt. $5.41. So for just a little trouble and a little embarrassment (my first time having to use a coupon and then having to correct the employee) I actually MADE money! haha
Not bad for my first time.
Oh let me also tell you all...If you haven't been to Albertson's. YOU NEED TO GO! Some of their meat is buy one get TWO free... GOOD DEALS! Also, Chips, Cereal, all kinds of things are buy one get one free. And if you like Capri Sun drinks. They are normally $2 at all stores. They are $0.99 there! HURRY!
Oh and...I found $50 in one of my wallets! YAHOO!!!
With all the couponing blogs and websites I have been reading, they all say that AT LEAST once, you will have to correct a cashier on how much they charge you. Remember: Customer SHOULD always be right!
Today, I went to the Dollar General in Burk because I had a coupon for $5 off if you spend $25 or more. So I went in to buy a whole lot of baby wipes and anything else I might find to total up to $25. The original plan was to just buy a lot of baby wipes. We aren't picky on wipes, and they are super cheap there, plus with $5 off, that makes them even better. When I got there, I noticed that they had clothes buy one get one free, as long as they have a yellow dot on the tag. So I got Carter 4 shirts, all for $5 each. Which means, I pay $10 for 4 shirts. Not a bad deal, right? I also needed one more pack of ice trays for Carter's baby food. So as I am standing in line, I am adding all my items up to make sure they equal at least $25.
Wipes were $4.50 each and I got 3 packs. So a total of $13.50.
The ice trays were $2.
Four shirts $5 each. But two were free, so $10.
And I got a magnet strip for $1.
TOTAL OF: $26.50
Plus Tax the Grand Total was $28.69
Then I had my $5 coupon.. WHICH MEANS...My FINAL TOTAL WAS... $23.69
But WAIT! I didn't pay close enough attention to the shirts I was getting. One of then DID NOT have a yellow dot on it. So I had to have them take that off and correct it after I went and found a yellow dot item. Ok good...all fixed. Well, I get to the car and start adding things up. They charged me $28.69 and no where on the receipt did it show they took off the $5 coupon!! So, yes, I went back in and had them look at it. The lady that checked me out had ZERO idea what was going on. I explained and she just didn't get it. So another guy came over to help...and in the end, I got my money back PLUS a little more.... Why? hahaha Because the guy thought that they charged me for a shirt when they shouldn't have. But that isn't what happened, they just didn't take the $5 off for the coupon. So instead of getting $5 back. I got the price of a shirt. $5.41. So for just a little trouble and a little embarrassment (my first time having to use a coupon and then having to correct the employee) I actually MADE money! haha
Not bad for my first time.
Oh let me also tell you all...If you haven't been to Albertson's. YOU NEED TO GO! Some of their meat is buy one get TWO free... GOOD DEALS! Also, Chips, Cereal, all kinds of things are buy one get one free. And if you like Capri Sun drinks. They are normally $2 at all stores. They are $0.99 there! HURRY!
Oh and...I found $50 in one of my wallets! YAHOO!!!
Friday, July 22, 2011
Positive Attitude
As I sit here, trying to decide how to start this blog entry...I can barely concentrate because I am so hungry! Carter has been waking up at 5:55 the last few mornings. I really hope this isn't a new schedule for him! This mom CAN NOT function that early in the morning. But then again I said that about 6:30 and now I miss 6:30 am! haha But when you are awake at 5:55, by the time its 8:41 you have already had almost a full day! So THAT Is why I am starving...I need me some breakfast! I REALLY REALLY REALLY want a donut! So bad! And I could easily get in the car, go thru the donut shop drive thru, get me a nice big Chocolate Long John with Cream Filling and swallow it whole. But now, I am going to have my cherrios and juice and get over it! Last night I "NEEDED" a cookie, or something fudgy or something that had some form of icing. But I resisted...but then satan took over and I had two hotpockets AFTER I ate dinner! haha Trying to change the way you eat is so hard. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail. But atleast I am trying. Its all for Carter. I want to make sure that I am healthy so that I can be around for a long long time! I just wish the people in my life would feel the same way and eat better. Its hard to eat good when all the people around you eat horrible. So I have basically no one to hold me accountable for what I eat...or to make sure I am exercising or anything...UGH! haha
Ok enough about that. I have noticed lately that I want so badly to help everyone and to do as much as I can for others that I become a little pushy. I dont mean to, I just want to help. But I guess I should just wait till people ask me for help. I am the type that likes to get stuff done NOW and RIGHT. So pretty sure that is why I am so pushy. I can't stand it when people wait to get stuff done. I have no idea where all of this is coming from. Just a thought that came to me.
As I finished that thought, I realized, no one cares about all this! haha For those of you that read this, why do you read this?! haha Its so boring.
Couponing: Well I have done much the last few days. I haven't really seen any good deals. But I did get some more coupons from my in laws and my MIL gave me this cool little folder thing to hold all of them in. I get so excited over little things. HA But as I continue to do the couponing, I am going to keep you all updated so that if any of you want to do it, you can! YAY!
Carter has slept ALL NIGHT the last two nights. Yes, he has been doing this since he was 2 months old, but now he is NOT SWADDLED! I never thought we would get here. He just sprawls out in this little footy pjs and goes to sleep. I love it.
Well its Friday, just another day for me...but the really cool part is we dont have plans tonight. I would LOVE to put carter to bed early, rent a movie and just relax. But we all know that wont happen. I will probably end up going over to my dad's new rent house to help fix it up (see, I do things like this when I am free, so really I am never free). Saturday we are having my brother's birthday party...pretty sure he is going to be 23. That just seems crazy to me! but then again, i am almost 30! WHAT?! lol ok almost 27, but might as well be 30. Sunday we try to do a whole lotta nothing. But then next week starts a not so fun week! We have Carter's six month appointment on Tuesday, which means shots. I hate those things. For some reason the last few shots, bothered me, but he was a baby baby so in my head, he didn't blame me. But now he is a "big boy" and I am afraid he is going to get really upset, and mad because he knows we took him there to get hurt. Oh the joys of being a parent. But then on Wed we have to drive to Addison again for another helmet appointment. I pray that they tell us he is still growing really fast. Because that means we get to get rid of that thing faster. Those two days basically ruin the whole week...because we spend Monday getting prepared for it, and then Thursday trying to recoop.
Well Carter is napping right now and all of a sudden my brain shut off, so I think I will wrap this up. LATER
WAIT! I just realized I titled this Positive Attitude, but never explained why. Lately things have really been getting me down. And I think they have been getting worse because I am tired and well, I ponder on it and basically make things worse. So I have decided, i am going to use all my strength to have a positive attitude, no matter what. Easier said than done!
Ok enough about that. I have noticed lately that I want so badly to help everyone and to do as much as I can for others that I become a little pushy. I dont mean to, I just want to help. But I guess I should just wait till people ask me for help. I am the type that likes to get stuff done NOW and RIGHT. So pretty sure that is why I am so pushy. I can't stand it when people wait to get stuff done. I have no idea where all of this is coming from. Just a thought that came to me.
As I finished that thought, I realized, no one cares about all this! haha For those of you that read this, why do you read this?! haha Its so boring.
Couponing: Well I have done much the last few days. I haven't really seen any good deals. But I did get some more coupons from my in laws and my MIL gave me this cool little folder thing to hold all of them in. I get so excited over little things. HA But as I continue to do the couponing, I am going to keep you all updated so that if any of you want to do it, you can! YAY!
Carter has slept ALL NIGHT the last two nights. Yes, he has been doing this since he was 2 months old, but now he is NOT SWADDLED! I never thought we would get here. He just sprawls out in this little footy pjs and goes to sleep. I love it.
Well its Friday, just another day for me...but the really cool part is we dont have plans tonight. I would LOVE to put carter to bed early, rent a movie and just relax. But we all know that wont happen. I will probably end up going over to my dad's new rent house to help fix it up (see, I do things like this when I am free, so really I am never free). Saturday we are having my brother's birthday party...pretty sure he is going to be 23. That just seems crazy to me! but then again, i am almost 30! WHAT?! lol ok almost 27, but might as well be 30. Sunday we try to do a whole lotta nothing. But then next week starts a not so fun week! We have Carter's six month appointment on Tuesday, which means shots. I hate those things. For some reason the last few shots, bothered me, but he was a baby baby so in my head, he didn't blame me. But now he is a "big boy" and I am afraid he is going to get really upset, and mad because he knows we took him there to get hurt. Oh the joys of being a parent. But then on Wed we have to drive to Addison again for another helmet appointment. I pray that they tell us he is still growing really fast. Because that means we get to get rid of that thing faster. Those two days basically ruin the whole week...because we spend Monday getting prepared for it, and then Thursday trying to recoop.
Well Carter is napping right now and all of a sudden my brain shut off, so I think I will wrap this up. LATER
WAIT! I just realized I titled this Positive Attitude, but never explained why. Lately things have really been getting me down. And I think they have been getting worse because I am tired and well, I ponder on it and basically make things worse. So I have decided, i am going to use all my strength to have a positive attitude, no matter what. Easier said than done!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
LONG DAY!
What a day!
Carter woke up a few times last night, and Derrick has decided to start snoring like crazy lately, so this mommy and wife didn't get much sleep last night. And THAT caused 6:15 am to seem much much earlier. On the days that Carter wakes up and we aren't completely ready to wake up yet, I take Carter and we cuddle in the recliner and watch a little mickey mouse until we have had time to wake up. I wont lie, I will wake up at any hour if we can keep doing that. I love it!
Carter has started to hug now and it almost makes me cry every time. He will just look at me and then throw his arm around my next or over my shoulder and squeeze. Best thing ever!
So today we did our normal morning routine, except we didn't go to "work" like we normally do because I had to work later that afternoon and well, I wanted some Carter time!! So we hung out at the house until 11. That is when Grammy and Granddad came over to watch Carter while I went to work. Went to work...hahaha. That sounds funny. I went to the Plex with the daycare because they needed an extra worker. It was pretty fun. I drove a big van and walked with the kids while they played putt putt and then games. Now that I have a kid, I understand them a little better...and I think it is making me a more relaxed person because I can see how small things are so exciting to little kids. There was this one little boy that looked JUST like Derrick when he was little and so I knew that his is what Carter will look like in five years. He was so stinkin cute!!! I just watched him play and laugh and got a little teary eyed. haha Oh the things motherhood will do to you. I cry over almost everything now! Its ridiculous!!!!
I got home after being gone for almost four hours and well, Carter really didn't care that I was home. He was having too much fun with his play dates! He had a great time with Grammy and Granddad and I think they had just as much fun!
As soon as Daddy got home, we loaded up to go see the other grandparents! ha They asked us over for supper. Carter is so funny. While we were eating, he was screaming. Not because something was wrong. He wasn't crying. Just screaming. Why? Because he wanted our attention. ALL of our attention! haha And of course we gave it to him. He has Pappy and Nonny wrapped around his finger! I love it! Pretty sure Uncle Brady even likes him a little.
FINALLY, bath, bottle, and bed. As much as I love my little boy...I love that time of the night because it means I get a few min of quiet before sleep and before another day starts. So right now, I am playing, shopping and blogging while Derrick plays his video games. He seriously never gets to do that any more. Both while we eat our yogurt cups! ha And the really funny, and sweet part was that he asked me if it was ok if he played. haha Well of course! He is such a good hubby. And an amazing Daddy. Its so great seeing him look at Carter and seeing how much love he has for him. Almost as much love as I have...because, well...I did carry the kid for 9 months! We have a pretty close bond! haha I joke about that, but I have noticed lately, no matter who is holding him, he still looks to see if I am there. I LOVE IT!!!! Pretty sure he actually likes me. The feeling that this little person that you MADE loves you as much as you love him...that feeling is indescribable. And only other parents will know how that feels. Its so much stronger than any love you will ever know. And see...typing that made me cry! I have accepted that I will never again be the person I was. I am now and forever more emotional... much much more emotional. Just ask Derrick. My body will never look the same. Ever. And my house will never be quiet. But I love it all!!
So tomorrow is going to be just as crazy. As I typed that sentence I thought, what was crazy about today? People who read this wont think my day was that crazy. But those of you that have or have had little kids....Just getting out of routine is crazy enough! ha Anyways...tomorrow we have some things to do "in town" and then going over to Grammy and Granddad's for supper ( you will all start to notice that my folks and my in laws no longer have names...they are now, Pappy, Nonny, Grammy and Granddad! ha).
THEN>>>> its friday!!! That doesnt mean much to me, all my days are the same except this means Derrick is home for a few days.
And well...the rest of the week and weekend are packed full...but I just got super tired and so that means...Bed time for this MOMMY! Gotta be up and awake and happy in...about 8.5 hours. ATLEAST!
Night yall... and for those new mommies that are still trying to figure out your "new life"...every day gets a little easier and a little more stressful in all new ways. BUT enjoy it...it flies by!
Carter woke up a few times last night, and Derrick has decided to start snoring like crazy lately, so this mommy and wife didn't get much sleep last night. And THAT caused 6:15 am to seem much much earlier. On the days that Carter wakes up and we aren't completely ready to wake up yet, I take Carter and we cuddle in the recliner and watch a little mickey mouse until we have had time to wake up. I wont lie, I will wake up at any hour if we can keep doing that. I love it!
Carter has started to hug now and it almost makes me cry every time. He will just look at me and then throw his arm around my next or over my shoulder and squeeze. Best thing ever!
So today we did our normal morning routine, except we didn't go to "work" like we normally do because I had to work later that afternoon and well, I wanted some Carter time!! So we hung out at the house until 11. That is when Grammy and Granddad came over to watch Carter while I went to work. Went to work...hahaha. That sounds funny. I went to the Plex with the daycare because they needed an extra worker. It was pretty fun. I drove a big van and walked with the kids while they played putt putt and then games. Now that I have a kid, I understand them a little better...and I think it is making me a more relaxed person because I can see how small things are so exciting to little kids. There was this one little boy that looked JUST like Derrick when he was little and so I knew that his is what Carter will look like in five years. He was so stinkin cute!!! I just watched him play and laugh and got a little teary eyed. haha Oh the things motherhood will do to you. I cry over almost everything now! Its ridiculous!!!!
I got home after being gone for almost four hours and well, Carter really didn't care that I was home. He was having too much fun with his play dates! He had a great time with Grammy and Granddad and I think they had just as much fun!
As soon as Daddy got home, we loaded up to go see the other grandparents! ha They asked us over for supper. Carter is so funny. While we were eating, he was screaming. Not because something was wrong. He wasn't crying. Just screaming. Why? Because he wanted our attention. ALL of our attention! haha And of course we gave it to him. He has Pappy and Nonny wrapped around his finger! I love it! Pretty sure Uncle Brady even likes him a little.
FINALLY, bath, bottle, and bed. As much as I love my little boy...I love that time of the night because it means I get a few min of quiet before sleep and before another day starts. So right now, I am playing, shopping and blogging while Derrick plays his video games. He seriously never gets to do that any more. Both while we eat our yogurt cups! ha And the really funny, and sweet part was that he asked me if it was ok if he played. haha Well of course! He is such a good hubby. And an amazing Daddy. Its so great seeing him look at Carter and seeing how much love he has for him. Almost as much love as I have...because, well...I did carry the kid for 9 months! We have a pretty close bond! haha I joke about that, but I have noticed lately, no matter who is holding him, he still looks to see if I am there. I LOVE IT!!!! Pretty sure he actually likes me. The feeling that this little person that you MADE loves you as much as you love him...that feeling is indescribable. And only other parents will know how that feels. Its so much stronger than any love you will ever know. And see...typing that made me cry! I have accepted that I will never again be the person I was. I am now and forever more emotional... much much more emotional. Just ask Derrick. My body will never look the same. Ever. And my house will never be quiet. But I love it all!!
So tomorrow is going to be just as crazy. As I typed that sentence I thought, what was crazy about today? People who read this wont think my day was that crazy. But those of you that have or have had little kids....Just getting out of routine is crazy enough! ha Anyways...tomorrow we have some things to do "in town" and then going over to Grammy and Granddad's for supper ( you will all start to notice that my folks and my in laws no longer have names...they are now, Pappy, Nonny, Grammy and Granddad! ha).
THEN>>>> its friday!!! That doesnt mean much to me, all my days are the same except this means Derrick is home for a few days.
And well...the rest of the week and weekend are packed full...but I just got super tired and so that means...Bed time for this MOMMY! Gotta be up and awake and happy in...about 8.5 hours. ATLEAST!
Night yall... and for those new mommies that are still trying to figure out your "new life"...every day gets a little easier and a little more stressful in all new ways. BUT enjoy it...it flies by!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
New Jobs
As if being a stay at home mom isn't enough...
I have now accepted a job at Dalton's Kiddie Korral working on their bookkeeping and records. Along with feeling in if ever needed.
I have also accepted the personal job of saving us money by clipping coupons. I watch the Extreme Couponing on TLC and I am obsessed!!! I want to get free stuff so bad!
Along with all of that, I have accepted the face that a stay at home mom is supposed to clean, cook and be basically awesome in every way possible!
So...I have made sure my house is clean at all times, we always have clean clothes to wear, and there is NEVER a dirty dish in the sink (that drives me crazy).
Also, I have always liked to bake, but now I am going crazy... making things left and right. I just made homemade potato chips yesterday. Turned out really good.
And I have made sure we are having a REAL supper most nights. No more of this eating out mess. Both of our blood pressure and cholesterol is high...so need to eat better.
And that alone is another job...eating healthier. Its hard!!
With all of that said, I want to tell of you whats new in our life, since I haven't updated in a while.
Carter is now 6 months old and doing GREAT!! He has had his helmet on for a month now and he loves it. He really doesn't even seem to notice he has it on, except for when we take it off. We have his name on the front of it with Stickers and Uncle Shane and his girfriend Bobbi, got us an awesome sticker that we have on the back that says "fixin my flat". We love it!
He is also rolling all over the place...sitting up on his own and eating baby food...tons of it! More than he is actually supposed to based on what I read. Oh well. We are seeing a new pediatrician in a week. THe old one, well...i liked her..but she didn't seem to know much about babies. So I guess the new pedi will tell us if he is eating too much or not. But he loves that baby food. ANd I am so glad that I am making it myself because that would add up fast!
Speaking of baby food...that is a good way to lead into my next topic. Coupons! I have started clipping coupons and I am determined to save us money as best as I can. So I sent derrick to the store with a list and the coupons. The total bill was $150 and we spent $78. So a total saving of $72. Granted the items, we didn't need right now, so that is money we didn't NEED to spend right now, but they were items that we can hold on till we need them and we wont have to spend money then, when we needed it. So...I saved us money in the future. :) That is what couponing is all about. Buying things when they are dirt cheap..and stockpiling. LOVE IT. So...in this trip, we got 2 packs of steaks and got 4 free! One pack of pork chops and one free. On meat alone we saved $60. 5 Hot pockets for $10 (pretty good price), 4 Big boxes of cereal for $10 and a $2 coupon so really it was $8 for the cereal, when normally 4 boxes of cereal would have cost ATLEAST $13. And then, we got 10 packs of frozen veggies for $1 each. That is mainly for Carter's baby food...and for supper some nights. :) The hard part about couponing is in our area, no stores will double coupons or let you stack coupons. They will let you use one store coupon and one manufact coupon. That is good, but not as good as it could be if we lived in a bigger area.
So, I plan to blog more often about the couponing..that way if any of you are wanting to learn, we can learn together. Heck if any of you want to do it WITH me...come on over! We can clip, look thru ads and go shop!! YAY
WAIT! the best deal I have found so far.... If you buy a wonka bar at target, you get a coupon for a free one! use that coupon and you get another free one! haha and it keeps going! We bought one yesterday and then used the free coupon. Today we got two more free ones and another coupon! haha The store is out of candy right now, but we WILL be back tomorrow! haha
I have now accepted a job at Dalton's Kiddie Korral working on their bookkeeping and records. Along with feeling in if ever needed.
I have also accepted the personal job of saving us money by clipping coupons. I watch the Extreme Couponing on TLC and I am obsessed!!! I want to get free stuff so bad!
Along with all of that, I have accepted the face that a stay at home mom is supposed to clean, cook and be basically awesome in every way possible!
So...I have made sure my house is clean at all times, we always have clean clothes to wear, and there is NEVER a dirty dish in the sink (that drives me crazy).
Also, I have always liked to bake, but now I am going crazy... making things left and right. I just made homemade potato chips yesterday. Turned out really good.
And I have made sure we are having a REAL supper most nights. No more of this eating out mess. Both of our blood pressure and cholesterol is high...so need to eat better.
And that alone is another job...eating healthier. Its hard!!
With all of that said, I want to tell of you whats new in our life, since I haven't updated in a while.
Carter is now 6 months old and doing GREAT!! He has had his helmet on for a month now and he loves it. He really doesn't even seem to notice he has it on, except for when we take it off. We have his name on the front of it with Stickers and Uncle Shane and his girfriend Bobbi, got us an awesome sticker that we have on the back that says "fixin my flat". We love it!
He is also rolling all over the place...sitting up on his own and eating baby food...tons of it! More than he is actually supposed to based on what I read. Oh well. We are seeing a new pediatrician in a week. THe old one, well...i liked her..but she didn't seem to know much about babies. So I guess the new pedi will tell us if he is eating too much or not. But he loves that baby food. ANd I am so glad that I am making it myself because that would add up fast!
Speaking of baby food...that is a good way to lead into my next topic. Coupons! I have started clipping coupons and I am determined to save us money as best as I can. So I sent derrick to the store with a list and the coupons. The total bill was $150 and we spent $78. So a total saving of $72. Granted the items, we didn't need right now, so that is money we didn't NEED to spend right now, but they were items that we can hold on till we need them and we wont have to spend money then, when we needed it. So...I saved us money in the future. :) That is what couponing is all about. Buying things when they are dirt cheap..and stockpiling. LOVE IT. So...in this trip, we got 2 packs of steaks and got 4 free! One pack of pork chops and one free. On meat alone we saved $60. 5 Hot pockets for $10 (pretty good price), 4 Big boxes of cereal for $10 and a $2 coupon so really it was $8 for the cereal, when normally 4 boxes of cereal would have cost ATLEAST $13. And then, we got 10 packs of frozen veggies for $1 each. That is mainly for Carter's baby food...and for supper some nights. :) The hard part about couponing is in our area, no stores will double coupons or let you stack coupons. They will let you use one store coupon and one manufact coupon. That is good, but not as good as it could be if we lived in a bigger area.
So, I plan to blog more often about the couponing..that way if any of you are wanting to learn, we can learn together. Heck if any of you want to do it WITH me...come on over! We can clip, look thru ads and go shop!! YAY
WAIT! the best deal I have found so far.... If you buy a wonka bar at target, you get a coupon for a free one! use that coupon and you get another free one! haha and it keeps going! We bought one yesterday and then used the free coupon. Today we got two more free ones and another coupon! haha The store is out of candy right now, but we WILL be back tomorrow! haha
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
No Worries
All of my life, I have been a worrier. Not a BAD worrier, but I would worry like crazy when something big was going on. So bad, that my body wouldn't let me sleep. I am trying to remind myself that worrying doesn't help anything. Also, if I have a lot to do...I tend to think, and make lists in my head all night, again, something else that keeps me from sleeping. So basically I haven't had much sleep lately. THere is just so much going on that is keeping my mind going. Nothing serious, just new things in life we have to adjust to. I have always loved being organized and I would have planners with me at all times, even tho most of the time I had nothing to write in the planners, I never did much! haha But now, my planner is BOOKED! Almost everyday I have somethign that HAS to get done, or a trip we have to go on for Carter, or something. I mean I like being busy, but some days its just too much. This week, I have been at my folks alot learning their books for daycare so I can help them out a little. This weekend is Father's Day weekend, so we have to figure out how to fit in time with both of our dads before we leave Sunday afternoon for Addison. Carter gets his helmet that next monday morning so we have to leave sunday to get there in time to put carter to bed before his BIG DAY! haha So then all day Monday we will be out of town and then as soon as we get back, Derrick will more than likely go to work so that he can make up sometime. Then this weekend is my cousins first birthday, and possibly a second garage sale to get rid of all the stuff that didn't get sold the first time around. and then the next tuesday we go back to addison to get carters helmet fit, and then we go every two weeks. THat alone will be enough to kill me! haha Its stressful enough going somewhere for the day, hoping you have everything your baby couldn't possibly need while you are gone, but to go someone over night...that like a whole extra bag of baby crap! haha but I am sure after we do it a couple times I will have my packing list memorized and we will be good. I just wish gas wasn't so expensive right now...oh well. I just realized this blog is about basically nothing, i just haven't done it in a while. OH...I am thinking about giving Carter some cereal tonight, we will see...he is over 5 months old and i think he is ready. I am also thinking about making my own baby food at home instead of buying it in the store, that should save us some money. I will just add that to my "stay at home mom" list of things to do...it just keeps getting longer. but I love it! Also....my SIL is due with her first baby in less than two months and well...it really could be any day now and I am just PAST excited! This is my first niece and I am just super thrilled to meet her....i can barely stand it. Karen, I know you are going to read this at some point. After talking last night, I realized how far our relationship has come in the last few years and I am so thankful for you. Everyday I feel like we are closer and I love our conversations...even if they are mainly thru text and email (thanks for understanding that I dont really like or have time for phone convos! haha) Ok on that note...I have things to do before Carter wakes up! :)
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Next phase of life
Well Carter has his last scan on June 8 and then they will order his helmet. We go to get the helmet on June 20. I'm glad it's happening fast so that we can get it fixed but at the same time I'm not ready. it just sucks. As a mom you don't want to ever feel like you caused harm to your kids or let them down in any way. There was really no way I could have prevented this from happening yet I still feel responsible. I know this is just like getting braces, they are temporary and make you look so much better, just like his helmet. But I hate that he is having to wear one. I hate that I know people will make rude comments and I hate that I probably won't be able to control myself when they do. Derrick and I were talking the other day about everything that's going on and he said "when it rains, it pours, huh?". And that is so true o our lives lately. Everyday something else keeps popping up that requires money, emotional strength, time... All of which I just don't have anymore. God knows how much we can handle and apparently it's a lot more than we thought we could. Everything will work our and I shouldn't worry... But I worry. I get upset. I am trying to work on that, but this is my kid! It's a whole new level of worry! Please pray for me and my family to be strong. And pray that we can have a garage sale sometime soon so we can make some money to pay for this darn helmet! Ps insurance won't cover
Any of it! Joy! Oh well, we can make it.
Any of it! Joy! Oh well, we can make it.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Oh Carter
I love having a kid. Yes there are many many trying times, but more times than not, its very rewarding. Its so fun to teach them new things and see the excitement on their face when they finally figure it out. Carter is at the age now where every day he is doing something new, learning something, and accomplishing it. It happens so fast. I feel like just the other day he turned 3 months old, and now he is almost 4 and a half months old. Its crazy! I really need to start doing better with keeping up with this blog because I have no idea what I have already written about. A few weeks ago, I spent about a week and a half really working with Carter to learn to put himself to sleep. It was much easier than I thought it would be. People always tell me that they had to use the Cry it out method, or waited till they were a year old to teach them to put themselves to sleep...or people feed them to put them to sleep. Nope, not my kid. I wrap him up, lay him in bed and he goes to sleep. Sometimes he gets a little fussy so I give him the paci, he will suck on it for a few minutes, spit it out and go to sleep. I pray he isn't one of those kids that ends up having to have the paci to sleep, but its not looking that way. Ever since he was born we had to make him take the paci and even then, he would spit it out after a while and didn't want it back. Thats my boy! Right now we are definitely going thru a growth spurt! He is sleeping so much! Night before last he slept over ten hours and then over 5 hours in naps. He was hardly awake! ha Last night, he only slept 6.5 hours and needed a bottle and then went back to sleep. SO slept a total of about 10 hours again. Looks lik we are slowly getting back on the road to sleeping all night. Oh how I have missed that. And I can tell Carter does to. Ever since he stopped sleeping thru the night, he hasn't been his excited, loud self. Just looked sleepy all the time. And now, he is starting to bust out of his swaddle more often. Last night he busted out COMPLETELY and was trying to roll over in the crip. Only problem is, he wont sleep without being swaddled..so... hmmm... yea looks like that will be our next lesson..sleeping without being wrapped up. AAHHH So this last week has been a very trying week for me. We have our appointment to have Carter's head looked like, which is good, but at the same time I still hate that this is happening. A lot of people understand what we are going thru and understand that its very normal for this to happen but then there are more people that dont understand, think we have done something wrong, think there is something wrong with Carter. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my child. He will grow up just like any other kid, and will be just as smart as any other kid. And we have done nothing wrong. Now that parents are supposed to put their kids on their backs to sleep, this is happening more often. And like I said in previous post, my kid is an amazing sleeper(which most parents can't say) and that is why his head is the way it is. But on the brighter side, Derrick and I have noticed that it is starting to look a lot better! We have been working really hard at keeping him off his head except to sleep. I hope we get to the clinic and the dr says that it doesn't look that bad, and lets give it one more month to see if it will correct itself. I just really dont want Carter to have to wear a helmet and THEY ARE REALLY EXPENSIVE!! And if he does have to get one, we will be driving to dallas like every other week to get it refit...and well that will add up too...and to be honest, we dont have that kind of money. So lets add that to my stress list. I know God is taking care of us, and he will make it all work. I am trying so hard not to worry or be upset about it all...but its hard. Also, now that Carter is sleeping longer during the day, I have so much free time. YOu can only clean your house so much! So, I am looking for something to do that can bring in a few bucks to help pay for all of these possible expenses...any ideas? Well this week will be a fun one, thats for sure. Today is Dad's birthday, so we are having a little party for him tonight. The rest of the week, there is no telling... But this weekend is my SIL Baby shower that me and Ashley are hosting. It should be a lot of fun! Oh and ASHLEY GOT ENGAGED! She is so excited, so I need to go see her ring at some point. WEdnesday, I am having blood work done to check my cholesterol. It has been extremely high in the past, so I want to see how it is now. Probably not good. I am trying to eat better, but its so hard. And then sunday...is THE BIG DAY! Our first trip with Carter. Pretty nervous about the trip in itself. I just have this feeling he is going to scream the whole two hours there. NO FUN! And our first stay at a hotel with a baby...hope they dont kick us out! ha And then the Appointment is Monday morning at 8:45. Hopefully I have good news after that. Well I am going to go enjoy the quiet while Carter naps. Yall have a great day
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Plagiocephaly
Plagiocephaly or also called "flat head syndrom". THis is something we are learning about right now.
When we took carter to his two month check up we told the dr we were concered about a flat spot on the back right side of his head. Yes, this is common since now we are told to put babies on their backs to sleep. The dr didn't seem to be too concerned since it is more common now. She just told us to make sure we do more tummy time and try to keep him off of it as much as possible. Also to make sure that it wasnt a neck related problem, make sure he can turn his head to both sides. He could turn his head with no problem, its just that he is a little stubborn and likes to sleep on the right side of his head. So of course, being the person that I am...I researched. Now, one in five babies have some form of this problem and is more common in babies who are good sleepers. Well that was Carter! After his two month check up, we did everything we could to keep him off his head. We propped him up in bed to try to make him sleep on the other side of his head. That actually worked and now we dont prop him up, but he sleeps on both sides equally. So that should help. But shortly after his two month birthday, he started sleeping in his crib thru the night, in his crib during naps instead of me holding him (so glad we broke that habit) so really he ended up being on his head more than he was before. So we saw that his head started getting worse. Since he was holding his head up pretty good now, we basically put him on his tummy as much as we could. The only time we didn't put him on his tummy was after he ate, and even then, we would hold him in our laps so that his head would't be touching anything, or if we absolutely had to, we would put him in his bouncy chair, even then, most the time he wouldhn't sit back because he was so excited that he could almost sit up. And alot of the time we would put him in his bouncer. He really seemed to like being able to jump every where. But with all of our efforts to try and correct his head...it wasn't working. So at his four month appt we told the dr we were still concerned and after looking at his head, she agreed it would probably be best for us to be referred to a specialist. She did say that it looked like it was trying to fill out some on its own, but better for us to be safe and have it looked at. Basically around 6 months, his head will more than likely start correcting itself since by then he will be sitting up and off his head more. And normally by a year old its completely corrected, on its own. But sometimes it doesn't work out that well and if you wait too long it cant be corrected. So we all agreed it was best to have a specialist look at him to see if it was a severe enough problem to correct it now, by wearing a helmet. We were referred to Star Cranial Center in Dallas. We have our first appt May 23. I am actually really nervous, mainly because, yes i will admit it, I am a vain person, I get my feelings hurt easily, and well...I dont want Carter to have to wear a helmet. I feel like I should have caught this earlier and worked harder on making sure it didn't get worse. But at the same time I know its not my fault and its a very common problem now, and its all because carter is a good sleeper...who would be upset that their infant is a good sleeper?! NOT ME! So now...we take our first step into seeing what we can do to fix this. Who knows, maybe we will get tehre and the dr will say that its not that bad and that it will correct itself. I just didnt' want to NOT do something about it and later in life it didnt fix itself and then its too late, or if it was a serious problem and we didn't look into it when we should have. Better to be safe than sorry. So I ask, those of you that read this blog,be in prayer for my little family. One that we have a safe trip to dallas, two that carter does ok in the car (he has only been to wichita and back), and three that we learn what we can do about his head. :)
Also, I am trying to keep updated pictures to see if his head is getting worse and hopefully later, better. These pictures are hard to tell...but atleast its something.
Getting a flat spot on one side of a baby's head can cause the opposite side (front left) to also get flat. Dr described it as a balloon. You push on one side, it gets kind of oblong in shape. It can also cause the ears to be uneven. One of carters ears is closer to the front of his face than the other. In very severe cases, it can also cause the face to basically start sliding and be uneven. This has not happened to Carter, he has a perfect face.
March 15, 2011
April 1, 2011
May 5, 2011
May 6, 2011
May 6, 2011
May 7, 2011
When we took carter to his two month check up we told the dr we were concered about a flat spot on the back right side of his head. Yes, this is common since now we are told to put babies on their backs to sleep. The dr didn't seem to be too concerned since it is more common now. She just told us to make sure we do more tummy time and try to keep him off of it as much as possible. Also to make sure that it wasnt a neck related problem, make sure he can turn his head to both sides. He could turn his head with no problem, its just that he is a little stubborn and likes to sleep on the right side of his head. So of course, being the person that I am...I researched. Now, one in five babies have some form of this problem and is more common in babies who are good sleepers. Well that was Carter! After his two month check up, we did everything we could to keep him off his head. We propped him up in bed to try to make him sleep on the other side of his head. That actually worked and now we dont prop him up, but he sleeps on both sides equally. So that should help. But shortly after his two month birthday, he started sleeping in his crib thru the night, in his crib during naps instead of me holding him (so glad we broke that habit) so really he ended up being on his head more than he was before. So we saw that his head started getting worse. Since he was holding his head up pretty good now, we basically put him on his tummy as much as we could. The only time we didn't put him on his tummy was after he ate, and even then, we would hold him in our laps so that his head would't be touching anything, or if we absolutely had to, we would put him in his bouncy chair, even then, most the time he wouldhn't sit back because he was so excited that he could almost sit up. And alot of the time we would put him in his bouncer. He really seemed to like being able to jump every where. But with all of our efforts to try and correct his head...it wasn't working. So at his four month appt we told the dr we were still concerned and after looking at his head, she agreed it would probably be best for us to be referred to a specialist. She did say that it looked like it was trying to fill out some on its own, but better for us to be safe and have it looked at. Basically around 6 months, his head will more than likely start correcting itself since by then he will be sitting up and off his head more. And normally by a year old its completely corrected, on its own. But sometimes it doesn't work out that well and if you wait too long it cant be corrected. So we all agreed it was best to have a specialist look at him to see if it was a severe enough problem to correct it now, by wearing a helmet. We were referred to Star Cranial Center in Dallas. We have our first appt May 23. I am actually really nervous, mainly because, yes i will admit it, I am a vain person, I get my feelings hurt easily, and well...I dont want Carter to have to wear a helmet. I feel like I should have caught this earlier and worked harder on making sure it didn't get worse. But at the same time I know its not my fault and its a very common problem now, and its all because carter is a good sleeper...who would be upset that their infant is a good sleeper?! NOT ME! So now...we take our first step into seeing what we can do to fix this. Who knows, maybe we will get tehre and the dr will say that its not that bad and that it will correct itself. I just didnt' want to NOT do something about it and later in life it didnt fix itself and then its too late, or if it was a serious problem and we didn't look into it when we should have. Better to be safe than sorry. So I ask, those of you that read this blog,be in prayer for my little family. One that we have a safe trip to dallas, two that carter does ok in the car (he has only been to wichita and back), and three that we learn what we can do about his head. :)
Also, I am trying to keep updated pictures to see if his head is getting worse and hopefully later, better. These pictures are hard to tell...but atleast its something.
Getting a flat spot on one side of a baby's head can cause the opposite side (front left) to also get flat. Dr described it as a balloon. You push on one side, it gets kind of oblong in shape. It can also cause the ears to be uneven. One of carters ears is closer to the front of his face than the other. In very severe cases, it can also cause the face to basically start sliding and be uneven. This has not happened to Carter, he has a perfect face.
March 15, 2011See how the front left and back right look flat while the front right and back left look kind of pointy.
April 1, 2011
May 5, 2011It can also cause, the top part of the head, (the crown) to stick out some. Almost cone head like
May 6, 2011
May 6, 2011THe lump on the back part of his head is where the dr said it is starting to fill out on its own. Good sign
May 7, 2011Top angle. Can see the flat spot pretty good here.
For those of you that read this and have negative thoughts on this matter. Like how in the world could parents let this happen to their child, believe me, I felt the same way. But after lookign into it, its a very common problem and there really wasnt much we could have done to prevent it. God blessed us with a good sleeper and thats that.
If you have any questions, please feel free to email me. I am happy to share what we are going thru and what we are learning.
This in no way is effecting carters growth or learning ability. He is actually doing things right now that are at a 6 month old range. So he is actually ahead of the pack, it is basically all cosmetic. But if you could help your kid look better, woudln't you? I mean later in life when he goes bald (because he will) he will hate us if he has a funky shaped head! haha
Now we just wait for our appointment, see what the dr says, and go from there. Hopefully he will say he is positive it will correct itself and we wont have to get a helmet, but if we do have to get a helmet, then that is for the best. I just wish the darn things weren't so expensive! They told us that they are a little over $3800.00 if insurance wont cover it. Yea, my jaw dropped too!
Well that is all I have to say about that. :)
If you want to learn more about Plagiocephaly or want to see what the helmets look like, this is the place we will be going to.
http://www.starcranialcenter.com/
If you want to learn more about Plagiocephaly or want to see what the helmets look like, this is the place we will be going to.
http://www.starcranialcenter.com/
Life Updated
Wow, its been a while since I have updated. LIfe has just been crazy lately. I dont even know where to start to catch up. Um..Carter can now roll over from front to back and back to front. Not everytime, but he has done it a few times now. The times he can't remember how to do it he starts getting upset, i guess upset at himself for not remembering. poor kid. ha He also holds hit head up completely on his own, talks like crazy...and has a very very strong personality. We have experienced the dreaded 4 month wakeful period and just waiting for it to end. He slept thru the night, atleast 10 hours a night from 2 months to 4 months and then all of a sudden started waking up again atleast once a night.. no fun! Reminds me how NOT fun a newborn is! haha Sorry for those of you that have a newborn or about to have one..but its no fun! what else, what else...
Carter had his first Easter. Didn't mean anything to him of course, but I totally got him an Easter basket. I was so excited! Derrick even got something from the easter bunny.
Church that morning, carter did great. We fed him during church and he kept quiet the whole time. And of course the thomas trio had matching outfits!
Then came mothers day. I was so excited for my first official mothers day. LAst year on mothers day is when we announced we were pregnant... :)
Carter did such a good job at shopping for his mommy. We got matching mommy and baby shirts, a few books and a mommy and baby figurine. LOVED IT ALL!
Oh and more on Carter, he can now officially put himself to sleep. Without having to use the cry it out method... YAY! That saves my back from so much pain.
Well...thats about it for this blog.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Love dare-last day-day 40
Love Is a Covenant
Where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. – Ruth 1:16
Congratulations. You’ve reached the end of the Love Dare – the book. But the experience and challenge of loving your mate is something that never comes to an end. It goes on for the rest of your life.
This book may end at Day 40. But who says your dare has to stop? And as you view your marriage relationship from this point on, we challenge you to consider it a covenant instead of a contract. These two words sound similar in meaning and intent but are in reality much different. Seeing marriage as a contract is like saying to your spouse, “I take you for me and we’ll see if this works out.” But realizing it as a covenant changes it to say, “I give myself to you and commit to this marriage for life.”
There are many other differences between covenants and contracts. A contract is usually a written agreement based on distrust, outlining the conditions and consequences if broken. A covenant is a verbal commitment based on trust, assuring someone that your promise is unconditional and good for life. It is spoken before God out of love for another.
A contract is self-serving and comes with limited liability. It establishes a time frame for certain deliverables to be met and accomplished. A covenant is for the benefit of others and comes with unlimited responsibility. It has no expiration date. It is “til death do us part.” A contract can be broken with mutual consent. A covenant is intended to be unbreakable.
The Bible contains several major covenants as part of the unfolding story of God’s people. God made a covenant with Noah, promising never to destroy all flesh with a worldwide flood (Genesis 9:12-17). He made a covenant with Abraham, promising that an entire nation of descendents would come from his family line (Genesis 17:1-8). He made a covenant with Moses, declaring that the people of Israel would be God’s permanent possession (Exodus 19:3-6). He made a covenant with David, promising that a ruler would sit on his throne forever (2 Samuel 7:7-16). Ultimately, He made a “new covenant” by the blood of Christ, establishing an unending, unchanging legacy of forgiven sins and eternal life for those who believe in Him (Hebrews 9:15). Never once has God broken any of these covenants.
And then there’s marriage – the strongest covenant on earth between two people, the pledge of a man and woman to establish a love that is unconditional and lasts a lifetime. In marriage, your wedding ring represents your covenant vows – not merely commitments you hoped to keep but premeditated promises, publicly spoken and witnessed by others.
As you’ve read numerous times in these pages, keeping this covenant is not something you can do in your own strength. There’s good reason why God was the One who initiated covenants with His people. He alone is able to fulfill the demands of His own promises. He alone is able to forgive the receivers of His covenant when they fail to uphold their part of the agreement. But the Spirit of God is within you by the virtue of your faith in His Son and the grace bestowed upon you in salvation. That means you now can exercise your role as covenant keeper, no matter what may arise to challenge your faithfulness to it.
Especially if your spouse is not in a place of receiving your love right now, the act of covenant keeping can grow more daunting with each passing day. But marriage is not a contract with escape clauses and exception wordings. Marriage is a covenant intended to cut off all avenues of retreat or withdrawal. There’s nothing in all the world that should sever what God has joined together. Your love is based on covenant.
Hundreds of years after the prophet Malachi recorded these words, people are still wondering why God withholds His hand of blessing at times from their homes and marriages. “You say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been witness between you and your wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant … For I hate divorce, says the Lord, the God of Israel, and him who covers his garment with wrong, says the Lord of hosts. So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously” (Malachi 2:14, 16).
Every marriage is called to be an earthly picture of God’s heavenly covenant with His church. It is to reveal to the world the glory and beauty of God’s unconditional love for us. Jesus said, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love” (John 15:9 NIV). Let His words inspire you to be a channel of God’s love to your spouse.
The time is now, man or woman of God, to renew your covenant of love in all sincerity and surrender. Love is too holy a treasure to trade in for another, and too powerful a bond to be broken without dire consequences. Fasten your love afresh on this one the Lord has given you to cherish, prize, and honor.
Your life together is before you. Dare to take hold of it and never let go.
We dare you.
Today’s Dare
Write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home. Perhaps if appropriate, you could make arrangements to formally renew your wedding vows before a minister and with family present. Make it a living testament to the value of marriage in God’s eyes and the high honor of being one with your mate.
Where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. – Ruth 1:16
Congratulations. You’ve reached the end of the Love Dare – the book. But the experience and challenge of loving your mate is something that never comes to an end. It goes on for the rest of your life.
This book may end at Day 40. But who says your dare has to stop? And as you view your marriage relationship from this point on, we challenge you to consider it a covenant instead of a contract. These two words sound similar in meaning and intent but are in reality much different. Seeing marriage as a contract is like saying to your spouse, “I take you for me and we’ll see if this works out.” But realizing it as a covenant changes it to say, “I give myself to you and commit to this marriage for life.”
There are many other differences between covenants and contracts. A contract is usually a written agreement based on distrust, outlining the conditions and consequences if broken. A covenant is a verbal commitment based on trust, assuring someone that your promise is unconditional and good for life. It is spoken before God out of love for another.
A contract is self-serving and comes with limited liability. It establishes a time frame for certain deliverables to be met and accomplished. A covenant is for the benefit of others and comes with unlimited responsibility. It has no expiration date. It is “til death do us part.” A contract can be broken with mutual consent. A covenant is intended to be unbreakable.
The Bible contains several major covenants as part of the unfolding story of God’s people. God made a covenant with Noah, promising never to destroy all flesh with a worldwide flood (Genesis 9:12-17). He made a covenant with Abraham, promising that an entire nation of descendents would come from his family line (Genesis 17:1-8). He made a covenant with Moses, declaring that the people of Israel would be God’s permanent possession (Exodus 19:3-6). He made a covenant with David, promising that a ruler would sit on his throne forever (2 Samuel 7:7-16). Ultimately, He made a “new covenant” by the blood of Christ, establishing an unending, unchanging legacy of forgiven sins and eternal life for those who believe in Him (Hebrews 9:15). Never once has God broken any of these covenants.
And then there’s marriage – the strongest covenant on earth between two people, the pledge of a man and woman to establish a love that is unconditional and lasts a lifetime. In marriage, your wedding ring represents your covenant vows – not merely commitments you hoped to keep but premeditated promises, publicly spoken and witnessed by others.
As you’ve read numerous times in these pages, keeping this covenant is not something you can do in your own strength. There’s good reason why God was the One who initiated covenants with His people. He alone is able to fulfill the demands of His own promises. He alone is able to forgive the receivers of His covenant when they fail to uphold their part of the agreement. But the Spirit of God is within you by the virtue of your faith in His Son and the grace bestowed upon you in salvation. That means you now can exercise your role as covenant keeper, no matter what may arise to challenge your faithfulness to it.
Especially if your spouse is not in a place of receiving your love right now, the act of covenant keeping can grow more daunting with each passing day. But marriage is not a contract with escape clauses and exception wordings. Marriage is a covenant intended to cut off all avenues of retreat or withdrawal. There’s nothing in all the world that should sever what God has joined together. Your love is based on covenant.
Hundreds of years after the prophet Malachi recorded these words, people are still wondering why God withholds His hand of blessing at times from their homes and marriages. “You say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been witness between you and your wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant … For I hate divorce, says the Lord, the God of Israel, and him who covers his garment with wrong, says the Lord of hosts. So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously” (Malachi 2:14, 16).
Every marriage is called to be an earthly picture of God’s heavenly covenant with His church. It is to reveal to the world the glory and beauty of God’s unconditional love for us. Jesus said, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love” (John 15:9 NIV). Let His words inspire you to be a channel of God’s love to your spouse.
The time is now, man or woman of God, to renew your covenant of love in all sincerity and surrender. Love is too holy a treasure to trade in for another, and too powerful a bond to be broken without dire consequences. Fasten your love afresh on this one the Lord has given you to cherish, prize, and honor.
Your life together is before you. Dare to take hold of it and never let go.
We dare you.
Today’s Dare
Write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home. Perhaps if appropriate, you could make arrangements to formally renew your wedding vows before a minister and with family present. Make it a living testament to the value of marriage in God’s eyes and the high honor of being one with your mate.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Love dare-day 39
Love Endures
Love never fails. – 1 Corinthians 13:8
Of all the things love dares to do, this the ultimate. Though threatened, it keeps pursuing. Though challenged, it keeps moving forward. Though mistreated and rejected, it refuses to give up.
Love never fails.
Many times when a marriage is in crisis, the spouse who is trying to make things work will go to the other, declaring in no uncertain terms that no matter what has happened in the past, he or she is committed to this marriage. Their love can be counted on to last. They promise. But not wanting to hear this yet, the other spouse holds their position. They still want out. They don’t see this marriage lasting long-term. Nor do they even want it to anymore.
The partner who has just laid his or her heart on the line, extending the olive branch, can’t handle the rejection. So they withdraw their statement. “Fine. If that’s the way you want it, that’s the way it’ll be.”
But if love is really love, it doesn’t waffle when it’s not received the way you want it to be. If love can be told to quit loving, then it’s not really love. Love that is from God is unending, unstoppable. If the object of its affection doesn’t choose to receive it, love keeps giving anyway.
Love never fails.
Never.
That’s what Jesus’ love is like. His disciples were nothing if not unpredictable. After their final Passover meal together, when Jesus told them they would all forsake Him before the night was over, Peter declared, “Even though all may fall away because of You, I will never fall away … Even if I have to die with You, I will not deny You” (Matthew 26:33, 35). All the other disciples echoed the very same promise.
But later that night, Jesus’ inner circle of followers – Peter, James, and John – would sleep through Christ’s agony in the garden. On the way to Christ’s crucifixion, Peter would deny Him three times in the courtyard. But at the precise moment, the Bible says Jesus “turned and looked” at him (Luke 22:61). His men had failed Him – again – within hours of their sworn promises. Yet He never stopped loving them, because He and His love are “the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).
When you have done everything within your power to obey God, your spouse may still forsake you and walk away – just as Jesus’ followers did to Him. But if your marriage fails, if your spouse walks away, let it not be because you gave up or stopped loving them.
Love never fails.
Of the nine “fruits of the Spirit” listed in Galatians 5, the first of all is love. And because the unchanging Holy Spirit is its source – the same Holy Spirit who dwells in the hearts of all believers – then the love He creates in you is unchanging as well. It is based on the will of God, the calling of God, and the Word of God – all unchanging things. The Bible declares them “irrevocable” (Romans 11:29). “Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away” (Luke 21:33).
Only a few days ago you were Love Dared to build your marriage on the Word of God. That’s because when all else fails, the truth of God will still be standing. Along the way you have also been dared to be patient, to be unselfish, to sacrifice for your mate’s needs.
These are not just loving ideas, existing in isolation. Each quality of love outlined in this book is based on the love of God, captured and expressed in the Word of God. The unchanging Word of God. No challenge or circumstance can occur that will ever put an expiration date on Him or His love. Therefore, your love – made of the same substance – bears the same, unchanging characteristics.
Love never fails.
So today your dare is to put your unfailing love into the most powerful, personal words you can. This is your chance to declare that no matter what imperfections exist – both in you and in your spouse – your love is greater still. No matter what they’ve done or how often they’ve done it, you choose to love them anyway. Though you’ve been far from steady in your treatment of them over the years, your days of being inconsistent in love are over. You accept this one man or woman as God’s special gift to you, and you promise to love them until death.
You’re saying to your spouse, “Even if you don’t like what you’re reading – even if you don’t like me – I choose to love you anyway. Forever.”
Because love never fails.
Today’s Dare
Spend time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your spouse. Include why you are committing to this marriage until death, and that you have purposed to love them no matter what. Leave it in a place that your mate will find it.
Love never fails. – 1 Corinthians 13:8
Of all the things love dares to do, this the ultimate. Though threatened, it keeps pursuing. Though challenged, it keeps moving forward. Though mistreated and rejected, it refuses to give up.
Love never fails.
Many times when a marriage is in crisis, the spouse who is trying to make things work will go to the other, declaring in no uncertain terms that no matter what has happened in the past, he or she is committed to this marriage. Their love can be counted on to last. They promise. But not wanting to hear this yet, the other spouse holds their position. They still want out. They don’t see this marriage lasting long-term. Nor do they even want it to anymore.
The partner who has just laid his or her heart on the line, extending the olive branch, can’t handle the rejection. So they withdraw their statement. “Fine. If that’s the way you want it, that’s the way it’ll be.”
But if love is really love, it doesn’t waffle when it’s not received the way you want it to be. If love can be told to quit loving, then it’s not really love. Love that is from God is unending, unstoppable. If the object of its affection doesn’t choose to receive it, love keeps giving anyway.
Love never fails.
Never.
That’s what Jesus’ love is like. His disciples were nothing if not unpredictable. After their final Passover meal together, when Jesus told them they would all forsake Him before the night was over, Peter declared, “Even though all may fall away because of You, I will never fall away … Even if I have to die with You, I will not deny You” (Matthew 26:33, 35). All the other disciples echoed the very same promise.
But later that night, Jesus’ inner circle of followers – Peter, James, and John – would sleep through Christ’s agony in the garden. On the way to Christ’s crucifixion, Peter would deny Him three times in the courtyard. But at the precise moment, the Bible says Jesus “turned and looked” at him (Luke 22:61). His men had failed Him – again – within hours of their sworn promises. Yet He never stopped loving them, because He and His love are “the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).
When you have done everything within your power to obey God, your spouse may still forsake you and walk away – just as Jesus’ followers did to Him. But if your marriage fails, if your spouse walks away, let it not be because you gave up or stopped loving them.
Love never fails.
Of the nine “fruits of the Spirit” listed in Galatians 5, the first of all is love. And because the unchanging Holy Spirit is its source – the same Holy Spirit who dwells in the hearts of all believers – then the love He creates in you is unchanging as well. It is based on the will of God, the calling of God, and the Word of God – all unchanging things. The Bible declares them “irrevocable” (Romans 11:29). “Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away” (Luke 21:33).
Only a few days ago you were Love Dared to build your marriage on the Word of God. That’s because when all else fails, the truth of God will still be standing. Along the way you have also been dared to be patient, to be unselfish, to sacrifice for your mate’s needs.
These are not just loving ideas, existing in isolation. Each quality of love outlined in this book is based on the love of God, captured and expressed in the Word of God. The unchanging Word of God. No challenge or circumstance can occur that will ever put an expiration date on Him or His love. Therefore, your love – made of the same substance – bears the same, unchanging characteristics.
Love never fails.
So today your dare is to put your unfailing love into the most powerful, personal words you can. This is your chance to declare that no matter what imperfections exist – both in you and in your spouse – your love is greater still. No matter what they’ve done or how often they’ve done it, you choose to love them anyway. Though you’ve been far from steady in your treatment of them over the years, your days of being inconsistent in love are over. You accept this one man or woman as God’s special gift to you, and you promise to love them until death.
You’re saying to your spouse, “Even if you don’t like what you’re reading – even if you don’t like me – I choose to love you anyway. Forever.”
Because love never fails.
Today’s Dare
Spend time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your spouse. Include why you are committing to this marriage until death, and that you have purposed to love them no matter what. Leave it in a place that your mate will find it.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Love dare-day 38
Love Fulfills Dreams
Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. – Psalm 37:4
What is something your spouse would really, really love? And how often do you ask yourself that question?
Common sense tells us we can’t give our wife or husband everything they might like. Our budgets and account balances tell us we probably couldn’t afford it anyway. And even if we could, it might not be good for us. Or for them.
But perhaps you’ve let “no” become too quick a response. Perhaps you’ve let this negative default setting become too reasoned and rational, too automatic. What if instead of dismissing the thought, you did your best to honor it. What might happen if the one thing they said you’d never do for them became the next thing you did?
Love sometimes needs to be extravagant. To go all out. It sometimes needs to set aside the technicalities and just bless because it wants to.
Is that thinking too much like a teenager? Is love like this no longer on the menu after so many years of marriage? After all, with the way your relationship might be at the moment, wouldn’t it be less than genuine to indulge your spouse if your heart’s not in it?
Well, how about putting your heart in it. How about developing a new level of love that actually wants to fulfill every dream and desire you possibly can.
Hasn’t God’s love met needs in your heart that once seemed out of the question? You were living under such a load of sin and regret; you thought you’d never earn your way back into His good graces. But He looked at you with love and said you didn’t have to. He wanted you back. He wanted you to realize your need for Him, and that as you repented and turned to Him, He would love and forgive you. “God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ” (Ephesians 2:4-5).
You thought life was over when a certain setback took all the wind out of your sails. You broke down and cried out to Him. You prayed like you’d never prayed before. And though it wasn’t easy getting back up and walking on, you somehow survived. He met you with His promised peace “which surpasses all comprehension” (Philippians 4:7) and kept you on your feet.
It wasn’t when you were behaving like an angel that God chose to pour out His love on you. It wasn’t when you were behaving like an angel that God chose to pour out His love on you. It wasn’t because you were so deserving that He offered you His grace. “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Chris died for us” (Romans 5:8).
He’s your model. He’s the One your love is designed to imitate. Though you weren’t a likely candidate for His love, He gave it anyway. He paid the price.
Not everything your spouse wants has a hefty price tag. Not everything he or she desires can be bought with money. Your wife may really want your time. She may really want your attention. She may really want to be treated like a lady, to know that her husband considers her his greatest treasure. She may really want to see in your eyes a love that chooses to be there no matter what.
Your husband may really want your respect. He may really want you to acknowledge him as the head of the house in front of the children. He may really want you to put your arms around his neck for no apparent reason, surprising him with a long kiss or a love note when there’s not even a birthday or anniversary to justify it. He may really need to know that you still think he’s strong and handsome, the way you used to.
· Dreams and desires come in all shapes and sizes. But love takes careful notice of each one.
· Love calls you to listen to what your mate is saying and hoping for.
· Love calls you to remember the things that are unique to your relationship, the pleasures and enjoyments that bring a smile to the other’s face.
· Love calls you to give when it would be a lot more convenient to wait.
· And love calls you to daydream about these opportunities so regularly that their desires become yours as well.
We dare you to think in terms of overwhelming your spouse with love. To surprise them by exceeding all their expectations with your kindness. It may or may not be a financial sacrifice, but it needs to reflect a heart that is willing to express itself with extravagance.
What is something your spouse would really, really love? It’s time you started living out the answer to that question.
Today’s Dare
Ask yourself what your mate would want if it was obtainable. Commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some (if not all) of their desires, to whatever level you possibly can.
Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. – Psalm 37:4
What is something your spouse would really, really love? And how often do you ask yourself that question?
Common sense tells us we can’t give our wife or husband everything they might like. Our budgets and account balances tell us we probably couldn’t afford it anyway. And even if we could, it might not be good for us. Or for them.
But perhaps you’ve let “no” become too quick a response. Perhaps you’ve let this negative default setting become too reasoned and rational, too automatic. What if instead of dismissing the thought, you did your best to honor it. What might happen if the one thing they said you’d never do for them became the next thing you did?
Love sometimes needs to be extravagant. To go all out. It sometimes needs to set aside the technicalities and just bless because it wants to.
Is that thinking too much like a teenager? Is love like this no longer on the menu after so many years of marriage? After all, with the way your relationship might be at the moment, wouldn’t it be less than genuine to indulge your spouse if your heart’s not in it?
Well, how about putting your heart in it. How about developing a new level of love that actually wants to fulfill every dream and desire you possibly can.
Hasn’t God’s love met needs in your heart that once seemed out of the question? You were living under such a load of sin and regret; you thought you’d never earn your way back into His good graces. But He looked at you with love and said you didn’t have to. He wanted you back. He wanted you to realize your need for Him, and that as you repented and turned to Him, He would love and forgive you. “God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ” (Ephesians 2:4-5).
You thought life was over when a certain setback took all the wind out of your sails. You broke down and cried out to Him. You prayed like you’d never prayed before. And though it wasn’t easy getting back up and walking on, you somehow survived. He met you with His promised peace “which surpasses all comprehension” (Philippians 4:7) and kept you on your feet.
It wasn’t when you were behaving like an angel that God chose to pour out His love on you. It wasn’t when you were behaving like an angel that God chose to pour out His love on you. It wasn’t because you were so deserving that He offered you His grace. “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Chris died for us” (Romans 5:8).
He’s your model. He’s the One your love is designed to imitate. Though you weren’t a likely candidate for His love, He gave it anyway. He paid the price.
Not everything your spouse wants has a hefty price tag. Not everything he or she desires can be bought with money. Your wife may really want your time. She may really want your attention. She may really want to be treated like a lady, to know that her husband considers her his greatest treasure. She may really want to see in your eyes a love that chooses to be there no matter what.
Your husband may really want your respect. He may really want you to acknowledge him as the head of the house in front of the children. He may really want you to put your arms around his neck for no apparent reason, surprising him with a long kiss or a love note when there’s not even a birthday or anniversary to justify it. He may really need to know that you still think he’s strong and handsome, the way you used to.
· Dreams and desires come in all shapes and sizes. But love takes careful notice of each one.
· Love calls you to listen to what your mate is saying and hoping for.
· Love calls you to remember the things that are unique to your relationship, the pleasures and enjoyments that bring a smile to the other’s face.
· Love calls you to give when it would be a lot more convenient to wait.
· And love calls you to daydream about these opportunities so regularly that their desires become yours as well.
We dare you to think in terms of overwhelming your spouse with love. To surprise them by exceeding all their expectations with your kindness. It may or may not be a financial sacrifice, but it needs to reflect a heart that is willing to express itself with extravagance.
What is something your spouse would really, really love? It’s time you started living out the answer to that question.
Today’s Dare
Ask yourself what your mate would want if it was obtainable. Commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some (if not all) of their desires, to whatever level you possibly can.
Love dare-day 37
Love Agrees in Prayer
If two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by May Father. – Matthew 18:19
If someone told you that by changing one thing about your marriage, you could guarantee with near 100 percent assurance that your life together would significantly improve, you would at least want to know what it was. And for many godly couples, that “one thing” is the daily practice of praying together.
To someone who tends to devalue spiritual matters, this sounds fairly ridiculous. And if told that shared prayer is a key ingredient in marital longevity and leads to a heightened sense of sexual intimacy, they would think you had really gone too far. But the unity that grows between a man and woman who regularly pray together forms an intense and powerful connection. Within the sanctuary of your marriage, praying together can work wonders on every level of your relationship.
When you were joined together as husband and wife, God gave you a wedding gift – a permanent prayer partner for life. When you need wisdom on a certain decision, you and your prayer partner can seek God together for the answer. When you’re struggling with your own fears and insecurities, your prayer partner can hold your hand and intercede on your behalf. When you and your spouse are not getting along and can’t get past a particular argument or sticking point, you can call a time out, drop your weapons, and go with your partner into emergency prayer. It should become your automatic reflex action when you don’t know what else to do.
It’s hard to stay angry long with someone for whom you’re praying. It’s hard not to back down when you’re hearing your mate humbly cry out to God and beg Him for mercy in the midst of your heated crisis. In prayer, two people remember that God has made them one. And in the grip of His uniting presence, disharmony blends into beauty.
Praying for your spouse leads your heart to care more deeply about them. But more importantly, God is pleased when He sees you both humbling yourselves and seeking His face together. His blessing falls on you when you agree in prayer.
The word Jesus used when He talked about “agreeing” in prayer has the idea of harmonic symphony. Two separate notes, played one at a time, sound different. They’re opposed to each other. But play them at the same time – in agreement – and they can create a pleasing sense of harmony. Together they give a fuller, more complete sound than either of them can make on its own.
Agreeing in prayer is like that – even in the midst of disagreeing. It pulls you both back toward your real center. It places you on common ground, face-to-face before the Father. It restores harmony in the midst of contention.
The church – which in Scripture has a marriage connotation with Christ – can sometimes be a place where conflict rules. The disharmony that can flare up over various matters can derail the church from its mission and disrupt the free flow of worship and unity. At times godly church leaders will see what is taking place, break off discussions, and call the people of God to prayer. Instead of continuing the discord and allowing more feelings to be hurt, they will seek unity by turning their hearts back to God and appealing to Him for help.
The same thing happens in our homes when there is an intervention of prayer, even at high points of disagreement. It stops the bleeding. It quiets the loud voices. It pauses you as you realize whose presence you’re in.
But prayer is for a lot more than breaking up fights. Prayer is a privilege to be enjoyed on a consistent, daily basis. When you know that prayer time awaits you before going to bed, it will change the way you spend your evening. Even if your prayers together are typically short and to the point, this will become a standing appointment that you can orbit your day around, keeping God in the middle of everything.
It’s true that beginning a habit like this can initially feel awkward and uncomfortable. Anything this powerful will surprise you with its weight and responsibility when you actually try doing it. But bear in mind that God wants you to engage with Him – invites you, in fact – and He will grow you as you take it seriously and push past those times when you don’t know what to say.
You’ll look back at this common thread that ran through everything from average Mondays to major decisions and be so thankful for this “one thing” that changed everything. This is one area where it’s imperative that you agree to agree.
Today’s Dare
Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together. Talk about the best time to do this -- whether it’s in the morning, your lunch hour, or before bedtime. Use this time to commit your concerns, disagreements, and needs before the Lord. Don’t forget to thank Him for His provision and blessing. Even if your spouse refuses to do this, resolve to spend this daily time in prayer yourself.
If two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by May Father. – Matthew 18:19
If someone told you that by changing one thing about your marriage, you could guarantee with near 100 percent assurance that your life together would significantly improve, you would at least want to know what it was. And for many godly couples, that “one thing” is the daily practice of praying together.
To someone who tends to devalue spiritual matters, this sounds fairly ridiculous. And if told that shared prayer is a key ingredient in marital longevity and leads to a heightened sense of sexual intimacy, they would think you had really gone too far. But the unity that grows between a man and woman who regularly pray together forms an intense and powerful connection. Within the sanctuary of your marriage, praying together can work wonders on every level of your relationship.
When you were joined together as husband and wife, God gave you a wedding gift – a permanent prayer partner for life. When you need wisdom on a certain decision, you and your prayer partner can seek God together for the answer. When you’re struggling with your own fears and insecurities, your prayer partner can hold your hand and intercede on your behalf. When you and your spouse are not getting along and can’t get past a particular argument or sticking point, you can call a time out, drop your weapons, and go with your partner into emergency prayer. It should become your automatic reflex action when you don’t know what else to do.
It’s hard to stay angry long with someone for whom you’re praying. It’s hard not to back down when you’re hearing your mate humbly cry out to God and beg Him for mercy in the midst of your heated crisis. In prayer, two people remember that God has made them one. And in the grip of His uniting presence, disharmony blends into beauty.
Praying for your spouse leads your heart to care more deeply about them. But more importantly, God is pleased when He sees you both humbling yourselves and seeking His face together. His blessing falls on you when you agree in prayer.
The word Jesus used when He talked about “agreeing” in prayer has the idea of harmonic symphony. Two separate notes, played one at a time, sound different. They’re opposed to each other. But play them at the same time – in agreement – and they can create a pleasing sense of harmony. Together they give a fuller, more complete sound than either of them can make on its own.
Agreeing in prayer is like that – even in the midst of disagreeing. It pulls you both back toward your real center. It places you on common ground, face-to-face before the Father. It restores harmony in the midst of contention.
The church – which in Scripture has a marriage connotation with Christ – can sometimes be a place where conflict rules. The disharmony that can flare up over various matters can derail the church from its mission and disrupt the free flow of worship and unity. At times godly church leaders will see what is taking place, break off discussions, and call the people of God to prayer. Instead of continuing the discord and allowing more feelings to be hurt, they will seek unity by turning their hearts back to God and appealing to Him for help.
The same thing happens in our homes when there is an intervention of prayer, even at high points of disagreement. It stops the bleeding. It quiets the loud voices. It pauses you as you realize whose presence you’re in.
But prayer is for a lot more than breaking up fights. Prayer is a privilege to be enjoyed on a consistent, daily basis. When you know that prayer time awaits you before going to bed, it will change the way you spend your evening. Even if your prayers together are typically short and to the point, this will become a standing appointment that you can orbit your day around, keeping God in the middle of everything.
It’s true that beginning a habit like this can initially feel awkward and uncomfortable. Anything this powerful will surprise you with its weight and responsibility when you actually try doing it. But bear in mind that God wants you to engage with Him – invites you, in fact – and He will grow you as you take it seriously and push past those times when you don’t know what to say.
You’ll look back at this common thread that ran through everything from average Mondays to major decisions and be so thankful for this “one thing” that changed everything. This is one area where it’s imperative that you agree to agree.
Today’s Dare
Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together. Talk about the best time to do this -- whether it’s in the morning, your lunch hour, or before bedtime. Use this time to commit your concerns, disagreements, and needs before the Lord. Don’t forget to thank Him for His provision and blessing. Even if your spouse refuses to do this, resolve to spend this daily time in prayer yourself.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Love dare-day 36
Love is God’s Word
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. – Psalm 119:105
For some people, the Bible seems just too big to understand. It’s like an impossible challenge. They don’t know where or how to begin. But as a Christian, you’re not left alone to try grasping the major themes and deep meanings of the Bible. The Holy Spirit, who now lives in your heart by the way of salvation, is an illuminator of truth. “For the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God” (1 Corinthians 2:10). And because of His internal lamp, the Scriptures are now yours to read, absorb, comprehend, and live by.
But first, you’ve got to commit to do it.
Be in it. If this is not already a habit of yours, now is the time to begin reading a portion of the Bible every day. Ideally, read it together as husband and wife – in the morning, perhaps, or before bed. Be like the writer of Psalm 119, who could say, “With all my heart I have sought You … Your word I have treasured in my heart, that I may not sin against You” (Psalm 119:10-11).
Those who practice a consistent pattern of reading the Bible soon discover it to be “more desirable than gold, yes, than much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb” (Psalm 19:10).
Stay under it. You’re right; the Bible can be deep and challenging. That’s why it’s so important to be part of a church where the Word is faithfully taught and preached. By hearing it explained in sermons and Bible study classes, you’ll get a broader, more balanced view of what God is saying through His Word. You’ll also get to join with others who are on the same journey you are, wanting to be fed by the truths of Scripture. “Continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing from whom you have learned them” (2 Timothy 3:14).
Live it. Unlike most other books, which are only designed to be read and digested, the Bible is a living book. It lives because the Holy Spirit still resonates within its words. It lives because, unlike the ancient writings of other religions, its Author is still alive. And it lives because it becomes a part of who you are, how you think, and what you do. “Prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers” (James 1:22).
Jesus talked about people who build their lives on sand – their own logic, their best guesses, the latest reasoning. When the storms of life begin to blow (which they always will), foundations of sand will only result in total disaster. Their houses may light up and look nice for a while, but they are tragedies waiting to happen. Ultimately they collapse.
But Jesus said, “Everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them may be compared to a wise man who builds on the rock. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock” (Matthew 7:24-25). When your home is founded on the rock of God’s unchanging Word, it is insured against destruction.
That’s because God has the right plan for everything, and He’s revealed these plans in His Word. They’re right there for anyone who will read it and apply it.
God has a plan for the way you handle your money. A plan for the way you raise your children. A plan for the way you treat your body. A plan for the way you spend your time. A plan for the way you handle conflict. Isn’t it just like your Maker to know exactly what you need?
If being a regular Bible reader is new for you, you’ll be surprised how quickly you’ll begin thinking differently and more eternally. And if you are serious about establishing strategies for life based on God’s way of doing things, He will guide you to make connections between what you’re reading and how it applies. It’s an enlightening journey with discoveries to be made all the time.
Every aspect of your life that you submit to, God’s principles will grow stronger and more long-lasting over time. But any part you withhold from Him, choosing instead to try your own hand at it, will weaken and eventually fail when the storms of life hit you. It may, in fact, be the one area that hastens the downfall of your home and marriage.
Wise couples build their houses on the rock of God’s Word. They’ve seen what sand can do. They know how it feels when their footing gets soft and the foundation gives way. That’s why must determine to build your life and marriage on the solid rock of the Bible, and then you can plan on a stronger future – no matter how bad the storms get.
Today’s Dare
Commit to reading the Bible every day. Find a devotional book or other resource that will give you some guidance. If your spouse is open to it, see if they will commit to daily Bible reading with you. Begin submitting each area of your life to its guidance and start building on the rock.
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. – Psalm 119:105
For some people, the Bible seems just too big to understand. It’s like an impossible challenge. They don’t know where or how to begin. But as a Christian, you’re not left alone to try grasping the major themes and deep meanings of the Bible. The Holy Spirit, who now lives in your heart by the way of salvation, is an illuminator of truth. “For the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God” (1 Corinthians 2:10). And because of His internal lamp, the Scriptures are now yours to read, absorb, comprehend, and live by.
But first, you’ve got to commit to do it.
Be in it. If this is not already a habit of yours, now is the time to begin reading a portion of the Bible every day. Ideally, read it together as husband and wife – in the morning, perhaps, or before bed. Be like the writer of Psalm 119, who could say, “With all my heart I have sought You … Your word I have treasured in my heart, that I may not sin against You” (Psalm 119:10-11).
Those who practice a consistent pattern of reading the Bible soon discover it to be “more desirable than gold, yes, than much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb” (Psalm 19:10).
Stay under it. You’re right; the Bible can be deep and challenging. That’s why it’s so important to be part of a church where the Word is faithfully taught and preached. By hearing it explained in sermons and Bible study classes, you’ll get a broader, more balanced view of what God is saying through His Word. You’ll also get to join with others who are on the same journey you are, wanting to be fed by the truths of Scripture. “Continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing from whom you have learned them” (2 Timothy 3:14).
Live it. Unlike most other books, which are only designed to be read and digested, the Bible is a living book. It lives because the Holy Spirit still resonates within its words. It lives because, unlike the ancient writings of other religions, its Author is still alive. And it lives because it becomes a part of who you are, how you think, and what you do. “Prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers” (James 1:22).
Jesus talked about people who build their lives on sand – their own logic, their best guesses, the latest reasoning. When the storms of life begin to blow (which they always will), foundations of sand will only result in total disaster. Their houses may light up and look nice for a while, but they are tragedies waiting to happen. Ultimately they collapse.
But Jesus said, “Everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them may be compared to a wise man who builds on the rock. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock” (Matthew 7:24-25). When your home is founded on the rock of God’s unchanging Word, it is insured against destruction.
That’s because God has the right plan for everything, and He’s revealed these plans in His Word. They’re right there for anyone who will read it and apply it.
God has a plan for the way you handle your money. A plan for the way you raise your children. A plan for the way you treat your body. A plan for the way you spend your time. A plan for the way you handle conflict. Isn’t it just like your Maker to know exactly what you need?
If being a regular Bible reader is new for you, you’ll be surprised how quickly you’ll begin thinking differently and more eternally. And if you are serious about establishing strategies for life based on God’s way of doing things, He will guide you to make connections between what you’re reading and how it applies. It’s an enlightening journey with discoveries to be made all the time.
Every aspect of your life that you submit to, God’s principles will grow stronger and more long-lasting over time. But any part you withhold from Him, choosing instead to try your own hand at it, will weaken and eventually fail when the storms of life hit you. It may, in fact, be the one area that hastens the downfall of your home and marriage.
Wise couples build their houses on the rock of God’s Word. They’ve seen what sand can do. They know how it feels when their footing gets soft and the foundation gives way. That’s why must determine to build your life and marriage on the solid rock of the Bible, and then you can plan on a stronger future – no matter how bad the storms get.
Today’s Dare
Commit to reading the Bible every day. Find a devotional book or other resource that will give you some guidance. If your spouse is open to it, see if they will commit to daily Bible reading with you. Begin submitting each area of your life to its guidance and start building on the rock.
Love dare-day 35
Love is Accountable
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. – Proverbs 15:22
Mighty sequoia trees tower hundreds of feet in the air and can withstand intense environmental pressures. Lightning can strike them, fierce winds can blow, and forest fires can rage around them. But the sequoia endures, standing firm, only growing stronger through the trials.
One of the secrets to the strength of this giant tree is what goes on below the surface. Unlike many trees, they reach out and interlock their roots with the sequoias around them. Each becomes empowered and reinforced by the strength of each others.
The secret to the sequoia is also the key to maintaining a strong, healthy marriage. A couple that faces problems alone is more likely to fall apart during rough times. However, the ones who interlock their lives in a network of other strong marriages radically increase their chances of surviving the fiercest of storms. It is crucial that a husband and wife pursue godly advice, healthy friendships, and experienced mentors.
Everyone needs wise counsel throughout life. Wise people constantly seek it and gladly receive it. Fools never ask for it and then ignore it when it’s given to them.
As the Bible so clearly explains, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel” (Proverbs 12:15).
Gaining wise counsel is like having a detailed road map and a personal guide while traveling on a long, challenging journey. It can be the difference between continual success or the destruction of another marriage. It is vital that you invite strong couples to share the wisdom they have gained through their own successes and failures.
Why waste years of your life learning painful lessons when you could discover those same truths during a few hours of wise counsel? Why not cross the bridges others have built? Wisdom is more valuable than gold. Not receiving it is like letting priceless coins pass through your fingers.
Good marriage mentors warn you before you make a bad decision. They encourage you when you are ready to give up. And they cheer you on as you reach new levels of intimacy in your marriage.
Do you have an older couple or a friend or a friend of the same gender you can turn to for good advice, for prayer support, and for regular accountability checkups? Do you have someone in your life who shoots straight with you?
You and your spouse need these types of friends and mentors on a consistent basis. The Bible says, “Encourage one another day after day … so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin” (Hebrews 3:13). Too often we can isolate ourselves from others. If we are not careful, we could push away the people who love us the most.
You must guard yourself against the wrong influencers. Everyone has an opinion and some people will encourage you to act selfishly and leave your mate in order to pursue your own happiness. Be careful about listening to advice from people who don’t have a good marriage themselves.
If your marriage is hanging by a thread or already heading for a divorce, then you need to stop everything and pursue solid counseling as quickly as possible. Call a pastor, a Bible-believing counselor, or a marriage ministry today. As awkward as it may initially be to open up your life to a stranger, your marriage is worth every second spent and every sacrifice you will make for it. Even if your marriage is fairly stable, you’re in no less need of honest, open mentors – people who can put wind in your sails and make your marriage even better.
How do you pick a good mentor? You look for a person who has the kind of marriage you want. You look for a person whose heart for Christ comes first before everything else. You look for someone who doesn’t live by his or her opinions but by the unchanging Word of God. And more times than not, this person will likely be delighted you asked for help. Start praying for God to send this person into your life. Then pick a time to meet and talk.
If this doesn’t sound too important to you, it would be a good idea to ask yourself why. Do you have something to hide? Are you afraid you will be embarrassed? Do you think your marriage is exempt from needing outside help? Does diving into a river of positive influence not appeal to you? Don’t be the captain of another Titanic divorce by ignoring the warning signs around you when you could have been helped.
Here’s an important reminder from Scripture: “Each one of us will give an account of himself to God” (Romans 14:12). This appointment is unbreakable. And though we’re all ultimately responsible for the way we approach it, we can surely stand as much help as others can give. It might just be the relational influence that takes your marriage from mediocre to amazing.
Today’s Dare
Find a marriage mentor – someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you. If you feel that counseling is needed, then take the first step to set up an appointment. During this process, ask God to direct your decisions and discernment.
Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. – Proverbs 15:22
Mighty sequoia trees tower hundreds of feet in the air and can withstand intense environmental pressures. Lightning can strike them, fierce winds can blow, and forest fires can rage around them. But the sequoia endures, standing firm, only growing stronger through the trials.
One of the secrets to the strength of this giant tree is what goes on below the surface. Unlike many trees, they reach out and interlock their roots with the sequoias around them. Each becomes empowered and reinforced by the strength of each others.
The secret to the sequoia is also the key to maintaining a strong, healthy marriage. A couple that faces problems alone is more likely to fall apart during rough times. However, the ones who interlock their lives in a network of other strong marriages radically increase their chances of surviving the fiercest of storms. It is crucial that a husband and wife pursue godly advice, healthy friendships, and experienced mentors.
Everyone needs wise counsel throughout life. Wise people constantly seek it and gladly receive it. Fools never ask for it and then ignore it when it’s given to them.
As the Bible so clearly explains, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel” (Proverbs 12:15).
Gaining wise counsel is like having a detailed road map and a personal guide while traveling on a long, challenging journey. It can be the difference between continual success or the destruction of another marriage. It is vital that you invite strong couples to share the wisdom they have gained through their own successes and failures.
Why waste years of your life learning painful lessons when you could discover those same truths during a few hours of wise counsel? Why not cross the bridges others have built? Wisdom is more valuable than gold. Not receiving it is like letting priceless coins pass through your fingers.
Good marriage mentors warn you before you make a bad decision. They encourage you when you are ready to give up. And they cheer you on as you reach new levels of intimacy in your marriage.
Do you have an older couple or a friend or a friend of the same gender you can turn to for good advice, for prayer support, and for regular accountability checkups? Do you have someone in your life who shoots straight with you?
You and your spouse need these types of friends and mentors on a consistent basis. The Bible says, “Encourage one another day after day … so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin” (Hebrews 3:13). Too often we can isolate ourselves from others. If we are not careful, we could push away the people who love us the most.
You must guard yourself against the wrong influencers. Everyone has an opinion and some people will encourage you to act selfishly and leave your mate in order to pursue your own happiness. Be careful about listening to advice from people who don’t have a good marriage themselves.
If your marriage is hanging by a thread or already heading for a divorce, then you need to stop everything and pursue solid counseling as quickly as possible. Call a pastor, a Bible-believing counselor, or a marriage ministry today. As awkward as it may initially be to open up your life to a stranger, your marriage is worth every second spent and every sacrifice you will make for it. Even if your marriage is fairly stable, you’re in no less need of honest, open mentors – people who can put wind in your sails and make your marriage even better.
How do you pick a good mentor? You look for a person who has the kind of marriage you want. You look for a person whose heart for Christ comes first before everything else. You look for someone who doesn’t live by his or her opinions but by the unchanging Word of God. And more times than not, this person will likely be delighted you asked for help. Start praying for God to send this person into your life. Then pick a time to meet and talk.
If this doesn’t sound too important to you, it would be a good idea to ask yourself why. Do you have something to hide? Are you afraid you will be embarrassed? Do you think your marriage is exempt from needing outside help? Does diving into a river of positive influence not appeal to you? Don’t be the captain of another Titanic divorce by ignoring the warning signs around you when you could have been helped.
Here’s an important reminder from Scripture: “Each one of us will give an account of himself to God” (Romans 14:12). This appointment is unbreakable. And though we’re all ultimately responsible for the way we approach it, we can surely stand as much help as others can give. It might just be the relational influence that takes your marriage from mediocre to amazing.
Today’s Dare
Find a marriage mentor – someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you. If you feel that counseling is needed, then take the first step to set up an appointment. During this process, ask God to direct your decisions and discernment.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Love dare-day 34
Love Celebrates Godliness
[Love] does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. – 1 Corinthians 13:6
From the moment you close your Bible in the morning nearly everything else you’ll encounter throughout the day will be luring you away from its truths. The opinions of your coworkers, the news coverage on television, your typical Websites, the various temptations of the day – all of these and more will be working overtime to shape your perceptions of what’s true and most desirable in life.
They’ll say that having a knockout wife who dresses to get other men’s attention is a good thing. They say that bad language and immorality in the movies are fine for mature people. They’ll say that church isn’t important in a person’s life. They’ll say that we each must find God in our own way.
They’ll say a lot of things. And they’ll say them so loudly and frequently that if we’re not careful, we can start believing that what they say is the way things should be. We can begin valuing what everybody else values and thinking the way everybody else does.
But the meaning of “real life” changes dramatically when we understand that God’s Word is the ultimate expression of what real life is. The teachings it contains are not just good guesses at what should matter. They are principles that reflect the way things really are, the way God created life to be. His ideals and instructions are the only pathways to real blessing, and when we see people following them in obedience to the Lord; it should cause us to rejoice.
What makes you the proudest of your husband? Is it when he comes home with a trophy from the company golf tournament, or when he gathers the family before bedtime to pray together and read the Word?
What overjoys you the most in your wife? Is it seeing her try a new painting technique in the children’s bedrooms, or seeing her forgive the neighbor whose dog dug up her plants?
You are one of the most influential people in your spouse’s life. Have you been using your influence to lead them to honor God, or to dishonor Him?
Love rejoices most in the things that please God. When your mate is growing in Christian character, persevering in faith, seeking purity, and embracing roles of giving and service – becoming spiritually responsible in your home – the Bible says we should be celebrating it. The word “rejoices” in 1 Corinthians 13:6 carries the idea of being absolutely thrilled, excitedly cheering them on for what they’re allowing God to accomplish in their lives.
The apostle Paul, who helped establish and minister to many of the first-century churches, wrote in his letters how delighted he was to hear reports of the people’s faithfulness and growth in Jesus. “We ought always to give thanks to God for you, brethren, as is only fitting, because your faith is greatly enlarged, and the love of each one of you toward one another grows ever greater; therefore, we ourselves speak proudly of you among the churches of God for your perseverance and faith in the midst of all your persecutions and afflictions which you endure” (2 Thessalonians 1:3-4).
The apostle John, who had walked closely with Jesus and became one of the main leaders in the early church, once wrote to his flock, “I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth” (3 John 4).
That should be what energizes us when we see it happening in our mate. More than when they save money on the grocery bill. More than when they achieve success at work. Sometimes by accepting modern culture’s take on what to applaud in our spouse, we can even be guilty of encouraging them to sin – perhaps by feeding their vanity, or by letting boys be boys.
But “love does not rejoice in unrighteousness” – not in ourselves and not in our mate. Rather, love “rejoices with the truth,” the way Paul did when he said to the Roman church, “The report of your obedience has reached to all; therefore I am rejoicing over you, but I want you to be wise in what is good and innocent in what is evil” (Romans 16:19). He knew that the pursuit of godliness, purity, and faithfulness was the only way for them to find joy and ultimate fulfillment. Being “wise” about holiness while being “innocent” about sin – remaining unjaded and uncompromising as we travel through life – is the way to win in God’s eyes.
And what more could we want for our wife or husband than for them to experience God’s best in life?
Be happy for any success your spouse enjoys. But save your heartiest congratulations for those times when they are honoring God with their worship and obedience.
Today’s Dare
Find a specific, recent example when your spouse demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way. Verbally commend them for this at some point today.
I will walk within my house in the integrity of my heart. (Psalm 101:2)
[Love] does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. – 1 Corinthians 13:6
From the moment you close your Bible in the morning nearly everything else you’ll encounter throughout the day will be luring you away from its truths. The opinions of your coworkers, the news coverage on television, your typical Websites, the various temptations of the day – all of these and more will be working overtime to shape your perceptions of what’s true and most desirable in life.
They’ll say that having a knockout wife who dresses to get other men’s attention is a good thing. They say that bad language and immorality in the movies are fine for mature people. They’ll say that church isn’t important in a person’s life. They’ll say that we each must find God in our own way.
They’ll say a lot of things. And they’ll say them so loudly and frequently that if we’re not careful, we can start believing that what they say is the way things should be. We can begin valuing what everybody else values and thinking the way everybody else does.
But the meaning of “real life” changes dramatically when we understand that God’s Word is the ultimate expression of what real life is. The teachings it contains are not just good guesses at what should matter. They are principles that reflect the way things really are, the way God created life to be. His ideals and instructions are the only pathways to real blessing, and when we see people following them in obedience to the Lord; it should cause us to rejoice.
What makes you the proudest of your husband? Is it when he comes home with a trophy from the company golf tournament, or when he gathers the family before bedtime to pray together and read the Word?
What overjoys you the most in your wife? Is it seeing her try a new painting technique in the children’s bedrooms, or seeing her forgive the neighbor whose dog dug up her plants?
You are one of the most influential people in your spouse’s life. Have you been using your influence to lead them to honor God, or to dishonor Him?
Love rejoices most in the things that please God. When your mate is growing in Christian character, persevering in faith, seeking purity, and embracing roles of giving and service – becoming spiritually responsible in your home – the Bible says we should be celebrating it. The word “rejoices” in 1 Corinthians 13:6 carries the idea of being absolutely thrilled, excitedly cheering them on for what they’re allowing God to accomplish in their lives.
The apostle Paul, who helped establish and minister to many of the first-century churches, wrote in his letters how delighted he was to hear reports of the people’s faithfulness and growth in Jesus. “We ought always to give thanks to God for you, brethren, as is only fitting, because your faith is greatly enlarged, and the love of each one of you toward one another grows ever greater; therefore, we ourselves speak proudly of you among the churches of God for your perseverance and faith in the midst of all your persecutions and afflictions which you endure” (2 Thessalonians 1:3-4).
The apostle John, who had walked closely with Jesus and became one of the main leaders in the early church, once wrote to his flock, “I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth” (3 John 4).
That should be what energizes us when we see it happening in our mate. More than when they save money on the grocery bill. More than when they achieve success at work. Sometimes by accepting modern culture’s take on what to applaud in our spouse, we can even be guilty of encouraging them to sin – perhaps by feeding their vanity, or by letting boys be boys.
But “love does not rejoice in unrighteousness” – not in ourselves and not in our mate. Rather, love “rejoices with the truth,” the way Paul did when he said to the Roman church, “The report of your obedience has reached to all; therefore I am rejoicing over you, but I want you to be wise in what is good and innocent in what is evil” (Romans 16:19). He knew that the pursuit of godliness, purity, and faithfulness was the only way for them to find joy and ultimate fulfillment. Being “wise” about holiness while being “innocent” about sin – remaining unjaded and uncompromising as we travel through life – is the way to win in God’s eyes.
And what more could we want for our wife or husband than for them to experience God’s best in life?
Be happy for any success your spouse enjoys. But save your heartiest congratulations for those times when they are honoring God with their worship and obedience.
Today’s Dare
Find a specific, recent example when your spouse demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way. Verbally commend them for this at some point today.
I will walk within my house in the integrity of my heart. (Psalm 101:2)
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Love dare-day33
Love Completes Each Other
If two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? -- Ecclesiastes 4:11
God creates marriage by taking a man and a woman and uniting them as one. And although love must be willing to act alone if necessary, it is always better when it is not just a solo performance. Love can function on its own if there is no other way, but there is a “more excellent way” (1 Corinthians 12:31). And love dares not to stop loving before it gets there.
This “completing” aspect of love was revealed to mankind from the beginning. God originated the human race with male and a female – two similar but complementary designs meant to function in harmony.
Are bodies are made for each other. Our natures and temperaments provide balance, enabling us to more effectively complete the tasks at hand. Our oneness can produce children, and our teamwork can best raise them to health and maturity. When one is weak, the other is strong. When one needs building up, the other is equipped to enhance and encourage. We multiply one another’s joys and divide one another’s sorrows.
The scriptures say, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the other one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up”(Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10). It’s like your two hands, which don’t just coexist together but multiply the effectiveness of the other. In order to do what they do, neither is quite complete without the other.
Although our difference can frequently be the source of the misunderstanding and conflict, they have been created by God and can be ongoing blessings if we respect them.
One of you may be better at cooking, for instance, while the other is more thorough in cleaning the dishes. One may be more gentle and able to keep peace among family members, while the other handles discipline more directly and effectively. One may have a good business head but needs the other to help him remember to be generous.
When we learn to accept these distinctions in our mate, we can bypass criticism and go straight to helping and appreciating one another.
But some can’t seem to get past their partners differences. And they suffer many wasted opportunities as a result. They don’t take advantage of the uniqueness that makes each of them more effective when including the other.
One such example from the Bible is Pontius Pilate, the Roman governor who presided over the trial of Jesus. Unaware of who Christ was and against his better judgment, he allowed the crowd to influence him into crucifying Jesus.
But the one person who was more sensitive to what was really happening was Pilate’s wife, who came to him at the height of the uproar and warned him he was making a mistake. “While he was sitting on the judgment seat, his wife sent him a message, saying, ‘Have nothing to do with what righteous Man; for last night I suffered greatly in a dream because of Him” (Matthew 27:19).
She was apparently a woman of keen discernment who grasped the magnitude of these events before her husband did. Certainly, God’s sovereignty was at work, and nothing would have kept His Son from marching obediently to the cross for us. But Pilate’s dismissal of his wife’s intuition reveals an unfortunate side to man’s nature that is often downplayed. God made wives to complete their husbands, and He gives them insight that in many cases is kept from their men. If this discernment is ignored, it is often to the detriment of the man making the decision.
The effectiveness of your marriage is dependent upon both of you working together. Do you have big decisions to make about your finances or retirement planning? Are you having a real problem with a coworker who’s getting harder and harder to deal with, and you are grappling with the appropriate action to take? Are you absolutely convinced that your educational choices for the children are right, no matter what your spouse thinks?
Don’t try doing all the analysis yourself. Don’t disqualify his or her right to voice an opinion on matters that affect both of you. Love realizes that God has put you together on purpose. And though you may wind up disagreeing with your spouse’s perspectives, you should still give their views respect and strong consideration. This honors God’s design for your relationship and guards the oneness He intends.
Joined together, you are greater than your independent parts. You need each other. You complete each other.
Today’s Dare
Recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success. Let them know today that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel. If you have ignored their input in the past, admit your oversight and ask them to forgive you.
If two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? -- Ecclesiastes 4:11
God creates marriage by taking a man and a woman and uniting them as one. And although love must be willing to act alone if necessary, it is always better when it is not just a solo performance. Love can function on its own if there is no other way, but there is a “more excellent way” (1 Corinthians 12:31). And love dares not to stop loving before it gets there.
This “completing” aspect of love was revealed to mankind from the beginning. God originated the human race with male and a female – two similar but complementary designs meant to function in harmony.
Are bodies are made for each other. Our natures and temperaments provide balance, enabling us to more effectively complete the tasks at hand. Our oneness can produce children, and our teamwork can best raise them to health and maturity. When one is weak, the other is strong. When one needs building up, the other is equipped to enhance and encourage. We multiply one another’s joys and divide one another’s sorrows.
The scriptures say, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the other one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up”(Ecclesiastes 4:9, 10). It’s like your two hands, which don’t just coexist together but multiply the effectiveness of the other. In order to do what they do, neither is quite complete without the other.
Although our difference can frequently be the source of the misunderstanding and conflict, they have been created by God and can be ongoing blessings if we respect them.
One of you may be better at cooking, for instance, while the other is more thorough in cleaning the dishes. One may be more gentle and able to keep peace among family members, while the other handles discipline more directly and effectively. One may have a good business head but needs the other to help him remember to be generous.
When we learn to accept these distinctions in our mate, we can bypass criticism and go straight to helping and appreciating one another.
But some can’t seem to get past their partners differences. And they suffer many wasted opportunities as a result. They don’t take advantage of the uniqueness that makes each of them more effective when including the other.
One such example from the Bible is Pontius Pilate, the Roman governor who presided over the trial of Jesus. Unaware of who Christ was and against his better judgment, he allowed the crowd to influence him into crucifying Jesus.
But the one person who was more sensitive to what was really happening was Pilate’s wife, who came to him at the height of the uproar and warned him he was making a mistake. “While he was sitting on the judgment seat, his wife sent him a message, saying, ‘Have nothing to do with what righteous Man; for last night I suffered greatly in a dream because of Him” (Matthew 27:19).
She was apparently a woman of keen discernment who grasped the magnitude of these events before her husband did. Certainly, God’s sovereignty was at work, and nothing would have kept His Son from marching obediently to the cross for us. But Pilate’s dismissal of his wife’s intuition reveals an unfortunate side to man’s nature that is often downplayed. God made wives to complete their husbands, and He gives them insight that in many cases is kept from their men. If this discernment is ignored, it is often to the detriment of the man making the decision.
The effectiveness of your marriage is dependent upon both of you working together. Do you have big decisions to make about your finances or retirement planning? Are you having a real problem with a coworker who’s getting harder and harder to deal with, and you are grappling with the appropriate action to take? Are you absolutely convinced that your educational choices for the children are right, no matter what your spouse thinks?
Don’t try doing all the analysis yourself. Don’t disqualify his or her right to voice an opinion on matters that affect both of you. Love realizes that God has put you together on purpose. And though you may wind up disagreeing with your spouse’s perspectives, you should still give their views respect and strong consideration. This honors God’s design for your relationship and guards the oneness He intends.
Joined together, you are greater than your independent parts. You need each other. You complete each other.
Today’s Dare
Recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success. Let them know today that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel. If you have ignored their input in the past, admit your oversight and ask them to forgive you.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Love dare-day 32
Love Meets Sexual Needs
The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. – 1 Corinthians 7:3
Some people think the Bible has nothing good to say about sex, as though all God seems concerned about is telling us when not to do it and who not `and the blessing it can be for both husband and wife. Even its boundaries and restrictions are God’s ways of keeping our sexual experiences at a level far beyond any of those advertised on television or in the movies.
In Christian marriage, romance is meant to thrive and flourish. After all, it was created by God. It’s all part of celebrating what God has given, becoming one with our mate while simultaneously pursuing purity and holiness. He delights in us when this happens.
The Song of Solomon, for example, though frequently misunderstood as nothing more than an allegory about God’s passion for His people, is actually a beautiful love story. It describes sexual acts between a husband and wife in poetic detail, showing how each one responds to the other. It expresses how honesty and understanding in sexual matters lead to a life of confident love together.
It’s true that sex is only one aspect of marriage. But as time goes by, one of you will likely value its importance more highly than the other. As a result of this, the nature of your oneness as man and wife will feel threatened and endangered.
Again, the biblical foundations of marriage were originally expressed in the creation of Adam and Eve. She was made to be “a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). The unity of their relationship and physical bodies was so strong, they were said to become “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
This same oneness is a hallmark of every marriage. In the act of romance, we join our hearts to each other an expression of love that no other form of communication can match. That’s why “the marriage bed is to be undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4). We are not to share this same experience with anyone else.
But we are weak. And when this legitimate need goes unmet – when it’s treated as being selfish and demanding by the other – our hearts are subject to being drawn away from marriage, tempted to fulfill this longing somewhere else, some other way.
To counteract this tendency, God established marriage with a “one flesh” mentality. “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does” (1 Corinthians 7:4).
Sex is not to be used as a bargaining chip. It is not something God allows us to withhold without consequence. Though there can be abuses to this divinely designed framework, the heart of marriage is one of giving ourselves to each other to meet the other’s needs.
Sex is one God-given opportunity to do that.
So “stop depriving one another,” the Bible warns, “except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of you lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:5).
You are the one person called and designated by God to meet your spouse’s sexual needs. If you allow distance to grow between you in this area, if you allow staleness to set in, you are taking something that rightly (and exclusively) belongs to your spouse. If you let your mate know – by words, actions, or inactions – that sex needn’t be any more than you want it to be, you rob from them a sense of honor and endearment that has been set in place by biblical mandate. You violate the “one flesh” unity of marriage.
So whether you perceive yourself as being on the deprived end, or you would admit that you are the one depriving the other, know that God’s plan for you is to meet in the middle and come to a place of agreement. But also know that the path to getting there will not be accomplished by sulking, arguing or demanding. Love is the only way to reestablish loving union between each other. All the things the Love Dare entails – patience, kindness, selflessness, thoughtfulness, protection, honor, forgiveness – will play a role in renewing your sexual intimacy. When the love of Christ is the foundation of your marriage, the strength of your friendship and sexual relationship can be enjoyed at a level this world can never know.
“You have been bought with a price,” God has declared (1 Corinthians 6:20). He set His affections on you and went to every length to draw you into desiring Him. Now it is your turn to pay the loving price to win the heart of your mate. When you do, you will enjoy the pure delight that flows when sex is done for all the right reasons. And as if that’s not enough, you will also have the opportunity to “glorify God in your body” (1 Corinthians 6:20). How beautiful.
Today’s Dare
If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your husband or wife today. Do this in a way that honors what your spouse has told you (or implied to you) about what they need from you sexually. Ask God to make this enjoyable for both of you as well as a path to greater intimacy.
The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. – 1 Corinthians 7:3
Some people think the Bible has nothing good to say about sex, as though all God seems concerned about is telling us when not to do it and who not `and the blessing it can be for both husband and wife. Even its boundaries and restrictions are God’s ways of keeping our sexual experiences at a level far beyond any of those advertised on television or in the movies.
In Christian marriage, romance is meant to thrive and flourish. After all, it was created by God. It’s all part of celebrating what God has given, becoming one with our mate while simultaneously pursuing purity and holiness. He delights in us when this happens.
The Song of Solomon, for example, though frequently misunderstood as nothing more than an allegory about God’s passion for His people, is actually a beautiful love story. It describes sexual acts between a husband and wife in poetic detail, showing how each one responds to the other. It expresses how honesty and understanding in sexual matters lead to a life of confident love together.
It’s true that sex is only one aspect of marriage. But as time goes by, one of you will likely value its importance more highly than the other. As a result of this, the nature of your oneness as man and wife will feel threatened and endangered.
Again, the biblical foundations of marriage were originally expressed in the creation of Adam and Eve. She was made to be “a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). The unity of their relationship and physical bodies was so strong, they were said to become “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
This same oneness is a hallmark of every marriage. In the act of romance, we join our hearts to each other an expression of love that no other form of communication can match. That’s why “the marriage bed is to be undefiled” (Hebrews 13:4). We are not to share this same experience with anyone else.
But we are weak. And when this legitimate need goes unmet – when it’s treated as being selfish and demanding by the other – our hearts are subject to being drawn away from marriage, tempted to fulfill this longing somewhere else, some other way.
To counteract this tendency, God established marriage with a “one flesh” mentality. “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does” (1 Corinthians 7:4).
Sex is not to be used as a bargaining chip. It is not something God allows us to withhold without consequence. Though there can be abuses to this divinely designed framework, the heart of marriage is one of giving ourselves to each other to meet the other’s needs.
Sex is one God-given opportunity to do that.
So “stop depriving one another,” the Bible warns, “except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of you lack of self-control” (1 Corinthians 7:5).
You are the one person called and designated by God to meet your spouse’s sexual needs. If you allow distance to grow between you in this area, if you allow staleness to set in, you are taking something that rightly (and exclusively) belongs to your spouse. If you let your mate know – by words, actions, or inactions – that sex needn’t be any more than you want it to be, you rob from them a sense of honor and endearment that has been set in place by biblical mandate. You violate the “one flesh” unity of marriage.
So whether you perceive yourself as being on the deprived end, or you would admit that you are the one depriving the other, know that God’s plan for you is to meet in the middle and come to a place of agreement. But also know that the path to getting there will not be accomplished by sulking, arguing or demanding. Love is the only way to reestablish loving union between each other. All the things the Love Dare entails – patience, kindness, selflessness, thoughtfulness, protection, honor, forgiveness – will play a role in renewing your sexual intimacy. When the love of Christ is the foundation of your marriage, the strength of your friendship and sexual relationship can be enjoyed at a level this world can never know.
“You have been bought with a price,” God has declared (1 Corinthians 6:20). He set His affections on you and went to every length to draw you into desiring Him. Now it is your turn to pay the loving price to win the heart of your mate. When you do, you will enjoy the pure delight that flows when sex is done for all the right reasons. And as if that’s not enough, you will also have the opportunity to “glorify God in your body” (1 Corinthians 6:20). How beautiful.
Today’s Dare
If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your husband or wife today. Do this in a way that honors what your spouse has told you (or implied to you) about what they need from you sexually. Ask God to make this enjoyable for both of you as well as a path to greater intimacy.
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