Thursday, March 31, 2011
Bye bye March
March has been a pretty busy and stressful month. Carter was no longer a newborn that just pooped, slept, and ate... But an infant who fought sleep, ate when HE wanted to eat and hardly ever pooped!! Ha ha yes we have the kid who goes against what he is supposed to do... Gets that from me and I love it! Hates the paci, does not want to be rocked, hates to be held...but I love that he likes to be different and difficult!! I love that he has my personality but hate it at the same time cuZ I know he will be hard to deal with cuz I know I'm hard to deal with. But it's a good trait because those that really love you stick around even tho you are difficult. One thing that has changed in the last two weeks or so, he lives his mommy!! When he us upset or just sleepy and wants to be held, he wants it to be mommy that's holding him!! Love love love it!!! Makes it hard sometimes when I need someone else to hold him but I love that he wants me. The other day he watched me the whole time he ate. This is strange because he always looks out when he eats so he can see everything. Then today we were playing and he got all still and just looked at me, in my eyes for like ten min!! And you could just tell he was getting to know me and learning who I was and it almost made me cry!! And he is smiling at me all the time and starting to smile at others. It's such a joy to watch your kid figure things out and learn new things. Melts my heart. For those of you with out kids reading this... Just wait! You cam never understand how deep this love is till it's your own flesh and blood! I don't have much to say about today because they are all the same! Ha getting Carter to bed a little later than normal tonight cuz he took a really late nap. Every day is different! He smiled at my folks tonight and you should have seen the excitement! Ha but Carter also threw up all over dads favorite blanket! Cracked me up!! Ok Night night!
Love dare -day 13
Love Fights Fair
If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. – Mark 3:25
Like it or not, conflict in marriage is simply inevitable. When you tied the knot as bride and groom, you joined not only your hopes and dreams but also your hurts, fears, imperfections, and emotional baggage. From the moment you unpacked from your honeymoon, you began the real process of unpacking one another, unpleasantly discovering how sinful and selfish each of you could be.
Pretty soon your mate started to slip off your lofty pedestal, and you off of theirs. The forced closeness of marriage began stripping away your public facades, exposing your private problems and secret habits. Welcome to fallen humanity.
At the same time, the storms of life began testing and revealing what you’re really made of. Work demands, health issues, in-law arguments, and financial needs flared up in varying degrees, adding pressure and heat to the relationship. This sets the stage for disagreements to break out between the two of you. You argued and fought. You hurt. You experienced conflict. But you are not alone.
Every couple goes through it. It’s par for the course. But not every couple survives it.
So don’t think living out today’s dare will drive all conflict from your marriage. Instead, this is about dealing with conflict in such a way that you come out healthier on the other side.
Both of you. Together.
The deepest, most heartbreaking damage you’ll ever do (or ever have done) to your marriage will most likely occur in the thick of conflict. That’s because this is when your pride is strongest. Your anger is hottest. You’re the most selfish and judgmental. Your words contain the most venom. You make the worst decisions. A great marriage on Monday can start driving off the cliff on Tuesday if unbridled conflict takes over and neither of you has your foot on the brakes.
But love steps in and changes things. Love reminds you that your marriage is too valuable to allow it to self-destruct, and that your love for your spouse is more important than whatever you’re fighting about. Love helps you install air bags and to set up guardrails in your relationship. It reminds you that conflict can actually be turned around for good. Married couples who learn to work through conflict tend to be closer, more trusting, more intimate, and enjoy a much deeper connection afterwards.
But how? The wisest way is to learn to fight clean by establishing healthy rules of engagement. If you don’t have guidelines for how you’ll approach hot topics, you won’t stay in bounds when the action heats up.
Basically there are two types of boundaries for dealing with conflict: “we” boundaries and “me” boundaries.
“We” boundaries are rules you both agree on beforehand, rules that apply during any fight or altercation. And each of you has the right to gently but directly enforce them if these rules are violated. These could include:
1. We will never mention divorce.
2. We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past.
3. We will never fight in public or in front of our children.
4. We will call a “time out” if conflict escalates to a damaging level.
5. We will never touch one another in a harmful way.
6. We will never go to bed angry with one another.
7. Failure is not an option. Whatever it takes, we will work this out.
“Me” boundaries are rules you personally practice on your own. Here are some of the most effective examples:
1. I will listen first before speaking. “Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” (James 1:19).
2. I will deal with my own issues up-front. “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3)
3. I will speak gently and keep my voice down. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).
Fighting fair means changing your weapons. Disagreeing with dignity. It should result in building a bridge instead of burning one down. Remember, love is not a fight, but it is always worth fighting for.
Today’s Dare
Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.
If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. – Mark 3:25
Like it or not, conflict in marriage is simply inevitable. When you tied the knot as bride and groom, you joined not only your hopes and dreams but also your hurts, fears, imperfections, and emotional baggage. From the moment you unpacked from your honeymoon, you began the real process of unpacking one another, unpleasantly discovering how sinful and selfish each of you could be.
Pretty soon your mate started to slip off your lofty pedestal, and you off of theirs. The forced closeness of marriage began stripping away your public facades, exposing your private problems and secret habits. Welcome to fallen humanity.
At the same time, the storms of life began testing and revealing what you’re really made of. Work demands, health issues, in-law arguments, and financial needs flared up in varying degrees, adding pressure and heat to the relationship. This sets the stage for disagreements to break out between the two of you. You argued and fought. You hurt. You experienced conflict. But you are not alone.
Every couple goes through it. It’s par for the course. But not every couple survives it.
So don’t think living out today’s dare will drive all conflict from your marriage. Instead, this is about dealing with conflict in such a way that you come out healthier on the other side.
Both of you. Together.
The deepest, most heartbreaking damage you’ll ever do (or ever have done) to your marriage will most likely occur in the thick of conflict. That’s because this is when your pride is strongest. Your anger is hottest. You’re the most selfish and judgmental. Your words contain the most venom. You make the worst decisions. A great marriage on Monday can start driving off the cliff on Tuesday if unbridled conflict takes over and neither of you has your foot on the brakes.
But love steps in and changes things. Love reminds you that your marriage is too valuable to allow it to self-destruct, and that your love for your spouse is more important than whatever you’re fighting about. Love helps you install air bags and to set up guardrails in your relationship. It reminds you that conflict can actually be turned around for good. Married couples who learn to work through conflict tend to be closer, more trusting, more intimate, and enjoy a much deeper connection afterwards.
But how? The wisest way is to learn to fight clean by establishing healthy rules of engagement. If you don’t have guidelines for how you’ll approach hot topics, you won’t stay in bounds when the action heats up.
Basically there are two types of boundaries for dealing with conflict: “we” boundaries and “me” boundaries.
“We” boundaries are rules you both agree on beforehand, rules that apply during any fight or altercation. And each of you has the right to gently but directly enforce them if these rules are violated. These could include:
1. We will never mention divorce.
2. We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past.
3. We will never fight in public or in front of our children.
4. We will call a “time out” if conflict escalates to a damaging level.
5. We will never touch one another in a harmful way.
6. We will never go to bed angry with one another.
7. Failure is not an option. Whatever it takes, we will work this out.
“Me” boundaries are rules you personally practice on your own. Here are some of the most effective examples:
1. I will listen first before speaking. “Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” (James 1:19).
2. I will deal with my own issues up-front. “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3)
3. I will speak gently and keep my voice down. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).
Fighting fair means changing your weapons. Disagreeing with dignity. It should result in building a bridge instead of burning one down. Remember, love is not a fight, but it is always worth fighting for.
Today’s Dare
Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
It's Wednesday right?
Seriously can never remember what day it is. Could be May for all I know! Ha well after waiting two weeks for our video monitors to get here, Woot tells us they are lost! So they will refund our money. But now we have to spend A LOT more to get some from the store! Darn Woot! But now that I am so excited about having them and getting Carter out of our room I will pay just about anything to get some! Derrick found one at target so we will see if it works! Our normal monitors don't work because our house is too small so all we her is static! Hope these work!! First nap of the day=awesome!! He slept for an hour and half off and on but when he woke up he put himself back to sleep. Second nap=horrible! He likes to get my hopes up!! And any schedule I thought I saw.... Nope! Still sleeping thru the nIght but waking up walker to eat. It's been 5 am instead of 7 the last two days. So I fond it very odd that every thing I have read says you prob won't be back to pre pregnancy weight till about 9 months after delivery. I was back to normal after 2 weeks. But bad part is, that happened because I could never find the time to eat! And now I am below my pre pregnancy weight!!! No!!!
I need to gain weight now ha ha! Bring on the food!! And all I want these days are pizza and coke! Well I always wanted pizza and coke But now I seriously NEED it all the time! Ok basically all the naps were a bust except the early morning one. That one is always good. Had a mini break down this afternoon mainly because Carter decided not to sleep and to scream like crazy and I haven't been sleeping much lately so it got to me. I realized I HAVE to find a way to stop letting things bother me so much that it messes with my sleep! Well we THINK he us asleep so benadryl in me and night night
I need to gain weight now ha ha! Bring on the food!! And all I want these days are pizza and coke! Well I always wanted pizza and coke But now I seriously NEED it all the time! Ok basically all the naps were a bust except the early morning one. That one is always good. Had a mini break down this afternoon mainly because Carter decided not to sleep and to scream like crazy and I haven't been sleeping much lately so it got to me. I realized I HAVE to find a way to stop letting things bother me so much that it messes with my sleep! Well we THINK he us asleep so benadryl in me and night night
Love Dare-Day 12
by Eric | 20 Comments
Love Lets the Other Win
Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests others. – Philippians 2:4
If you were asked to name three areas where you and your spouse disagree, you’d likely be able to do it without thinking very hard. You might even be able to produce a top ten list if given a few more minutes. And sadly, unless someone at your house starts doing some giving in, these same issues are going to keep popping up between you and your mate.
Unfortunately, stubbornness comes as standard feature on both husband and wife models. Defending your rights and opinions is a foundational part of your nature and make-up. It’s detrimental, though, inside a marriage relationship, and it steals away time and productivity. It can also cause great frustration for both of you.
Granted, being stubborn is not always bad. Some things are worth standing up for and protecting. Our priorities, morals, and obedience to God should be guarded with great effort. But too often we debate over piddling things, like the color of wall paint or the choice of restaurants.
Other times, of course, the stakes are much higher. One of you would like more children; the other doesn’t. One of you wants to vacation with your extended family; the other doesn’t. One of you wants to vacation with your extended family; the other doesn’t. One of you prefers home-schooling your kids; the other doesn’t. One of you thinks it’s time for marriage counseling or to get more involved in a church, while the other doesn’t.
Though these issues may not crop up every day, they keep resurfacing and don’t really go away. You never seem to get any closer to a resolution or compromise. The heels just keep digging in. It’s like driving with parking brake on.
There’s only one way to get beyond stalemates like these, and that’s by finding a word that’s the opposite of stubbornness – a word we first met back while discussing kindness. That word is “willing.” It’s an attitude and spirit of cooperation that should permeate our conversations. It’s like a palm tree by the ocean that endures the greatest winds because it knows how to gracefully bend. And the one best example of it is Jesus Christ, as described in Philippians 2. Follow the progression of His selfless love …
As God, He had every right to refuse becoming a man but yielded and did – because He was willing. He had the right to be served by all mankind but came to serve us instead. He had the right to live in peace and safety but willingly laid down His life for our sins. He was even willing to endure the grueling torture of the cross. He loved, cooperated, and was willing to do His Father’s will instead of His own.
In light of this amazing testimony, the Bible applies to us a one-sentence summary statement: “Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus: (Philippians 2:5) – the attitude of willingness, flexibility, and humble submission. It means laying down for the good of others what you have the right to claim for yourself.
All it takes for your present arguments to continue is for both of you to stay entrenched and unbending. But the very moment one of you says, “I’m willing to go your way on this one,” the argument will be over. And though the follow-through may cost you some pride and discomfort, you have made a loving, lasting investment in your marriage.
“Yes, but then I’ll look foolish. “I’ll lose the fight. I’ll lose control.” You’ve already looked foolish by being bullheaded and refusing to listen. You’ve already lost the fight by making this issue more important than your marriage and your spouse’s sense of worth. You may have already lost emotional control by saying things that got personal and hurt your mate.
The wise and loving thing to do is to start approaching your disagreements with a willingness to not always insist on your own way. That’s not to say your mate is necessarily right or being wise about a matter, but you are choosing to give strong consideration to their preference as a way of valuing them.
Love’s best advice comes from the Bible, which says, “The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield” (James 3:17 NKJV). Instead of treating your wife or husband like an enemy or someone to be guarded against, start by treating them as your closest, most honored friend. Give their words full weight.
No, you won’t always see eye-to-eye. You’re not supposed to be carbon copies of each other. If you were, one of you would be unnecessary. Two people who always share the same opinions and perspectives won’t have any balance or flavor to enhance the relationship. Rather, your differences are for listening to and learning from.
Are you willing to bend to demonstrate love to your spouse? Or are you refusing to give in because of pride? If it doesn’t matter in the long run – especially in eternity – then give up your rights and choose to honor the one you love. It will be good for you and good for your marriage.
Today’s Dare
Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.
Love Lets the Other Win
Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests others. – Philippians 2:4
If you were asked to name three areas where you and your spouse disagree, you’d likely be able to do it without thinking very hard. You might even be able to produce a top ten list if given a few more minutes. And sadly, unless someone at your house starts doing some giving in, these same issues are going to keep popping up between you and your mate.
Unfortunately, stubbornness comes as standard feature on both husband and wife models. Defending your rights and opinions is a foundational part of your nature and make-up. It’s detrimental, though, inside a marriage relationship, and it steals away time and productivity. It can also cause great frustration for both of you.
Granted, being stubborn is not always bad. Some things are worth standing up for and protecting. Our priorities, morals, and obedience to God should be guarded with great effort. But too often we debate over piddling things, like the color of wall paint or the choice of restaurants.
Other times, of course, the stakes are much higher. One of you would like more children; the other doesn’t. One of you wants to vacation with your extended family; the other doesn’t. One of you wants to vacation with your extended family; the other doesn’t. One of you prefers home-schooling your kids; the other doesn’t. One of you thinks it’s time for marriage counseling or to get more involved in a church, while the other doesn’t.
Though these issues may not crop up every day, they keep resurfacing and don’t really go away. You never seem to get any closer to a resolution or compromise. The heels just keep digging in. It’s like driving with parking brake on.
There’s only one way to get beyond stalemates like these, and that’s by finding a word that’s the opposite of stubbornness – a word we first met back while discussing kindness. That word is “willing.” It’s an attitude and spirit of cooperation that should permeate our conversations. It’s like a palm tree by the ocean that endures the greatest winds because it knows how to gracefully bend. And the one best example of it is Jesus Christ, as described in Philippians 2. Follow the progression of His selfless love …
As God, He had every right to refuse becoming a man but yielded and did – because He was willing. He had the right to be served by all mankind but came to serve us instead. He had the right to live in peace and safety but willingly laid down His life for our sins. He was even willing to endure the grueling torture of the cross. He loved, cooperated, and was willing to do His Father’s will instead of His own.
In light of this amazing testimony, the Bible applies to us a one-sentence summary statement: “Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus: (Philippians 2:5) – the attitude of willingness, flexibility, and humble submission. It means laying down for the good of others what you have the right to claim for yourself.
All it takes for your present arguments to continue is for both of you to stay entrenched and unbending. But the very moment one of you says, “I’m willing to go your way on this one,” the argument will be over. And though the follow-through may cost you some pride and discomfort, you have made a loving, lasting investment in your marriage.
“Yes, but then I’ll look foolish. “I’ll lose the fight. I’ll lose control.” You’ve already looked foolish by being bullheaded and refusing to listen. You’ve already lost the fight by making this issue more important than your marriage and your spouse’s sense of worth. You may have already lost emotional control by saying things that got personal and hurt your mate.
The wise and loving thing to do is to start approaching your disagreements with a willingness to not always insist on your own way. That’s not to say your mate is necessarily right or being wise about a matter, but you are choosing to give strong consideration to their preference as a way of valuing them.
Love’s best advice comes from the Bible, which says, “The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield” (James 3:17 NKJV). Instead of treating your wife or husband like an enemy or someone to be guarded against, start by treating them as your closest, most honored friend. Give their words full weight.
No, you won’t always see eye-to-eye. You’re not supposed to be carbon copies of each other. If you were, one of you would be unnecessary. Two people who always share the same opinions and perspectives won’t have any balance or flavor to enhance the relationship. Rather, your differences are for listening to and learning from.
Are you willing to bend to demonstrate love to your spouse? Or are you refusing to give in because of pride? If it doesn’t matter in the long run – especially in eternity – then give up your rights and choose to honor the one you love. It will be good for you and good for your marriage.
Today’s Dare
Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Oh rainy day
I love rainy days. I love them even more now that I can stay home and enjoy them. But I think the change in weather has Carter confused. Last night he didn't go straight to sleep like he normally does. Derrick got a taste of what my days are like and he didn't like it too much. By 10 pm he gave up and it was my tuen to try to put him to sleep. Then the little booger woke up at 5 stinkin AM! He hasn't done that in a while but after we fed him he slept till 9:30 so can't complain. I got to lay in bed and enjoy the weather a little. His first nap he slept for 30min but kept waking up every couple min after that. Those kinds of naps are no fun cuz as soon as you get him to sleep and put him down, he wakes up more angry! But he doesn't know of my mommy super powers. I win every time!! First nap he slept for an hour and half but in short naps... Hope second one is better. I might, maybe, possibly can kinda sort see a small ish routine forming... Like how confident I am about that. Not real sure about it cuz now he is eating about 6 oz each time so it takes longer to feed him and he can go a little longer between feedings so not real sure how that will change up the schedule. We shall see. Naps over all were a bust! None of them were over 30 min... But he was still in a fairly good mood considering. We just gave carter a bath and videoed it for the first time. My son is camera shy!! The more I get to know him the more me I see in him! I love that!! Derrick is feeding him now. Hopefully he goes to sleep easy. We are trying a lullaby cd instead of the sleep sheep cuz the darn sheep only lasts 45 min! Every day is an experiment! Oh my folks dropped by for like ten min to bring us some roast and ro see carter of course. Its so cool to see him recognize them! And you know they love it! Ok night night!
Love Dare-Day 11
Love Cherishes
Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. – Ephesians 5:28
Material taken from The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick, copyright © 2009 by B&H Publishing Group. Used by permission. Unauthorized reproduction in any format is strictly prohibited by law.
Consider these two scenarios.
A man’s older car begins having serious trouble, so he takes it to a mechanic. After an assessment is made, he is told it will need a complete overhaul, which would tax his limited budget. Because of the expensive repairs, he determines to get rid of the car and spend his funds on a new vehicle. Seems reasonable, right?
Another man, an engineer, accidentally crushes his hand in a piece of equipment. He rushes to the hospital and has it x-rayed, finding that numerous bones are broken. Although frustrated and in pain, he willingly uses his savings to have it doctored and placed in a cast, then gingerly nurses it back to health over the following months. This too, probably seems reasonable to you.
The problem within our culture is that marriage is more often treated like the first scenario. When your relationship experiences difficulty, you are urged to dump your spouse for a “newer model.” But those who have this view do not understand the significant bond between a husband and wife. The truth is, marriage is more like the second scenario. You are a part of one another. You would never cut off your hand if it was injured but would pay whatever you could afford for the best medical treatment possible. That’s because your hand is priceless to you. It is part of who you are.
And so is your mate. Marriage is a beautiful mystery created by God, joining two lives together as one. This is not only happens physically but spiritually and emotionally. You start off sharing the same house, the same bed, the same last name. Your identity as individuals has been joined into one. When your spouse goes through a tragedy, both of you feel it. When you find success at your job, both of your rejoice. But somewhere along the way, you experience disappointment, and the sobering reality that you married and imperfect person sets in.
This, however, does not change the fact that your spouse is still a part of you. Ephesians 5:28-29 says, “Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.”
This verse speaks to husbands, but notice how each member is viewed. They are both considered to be the same flesh. You must treat them with the same nurture and care that you treat yourself. When you show love to your spouse, you are showing love to yourself as well.
But there is a flip side to this coin. When you mistreat your mate, you are mistreating yourself. Think about it. Your lives are now interwoven together. Your spouse cannot experience joy or pain, blessing or cursing, without it also affecting you. So when you attack your mate, it is like attacking your own body.
It’s time to let love change your thinking. It’s time for you to realize that your spouse is as much a part of you as your hand, your eye, or your heart. She, too, needs to be loved and cherished. And if she has issues causing pain or frustration, then you should care for these with the same love and tenderness as you would a bodily injury. If he is wounded in some way, you should think of yourself as an instrument that helps bring healing to his life.
In light of this, think about how you treat your spouse’s physical body. Do you cherish it as your own? Do you treat it with respect and tenderness? Do you take pleasure in who they are? Or do you make them feel foolish or embarrassed? Just as you treasure your eyes, hands, and feet, you should treasure your spouse as a priceless gift.
Don’t let the culture around you determine the worth of your marriage. To compare it with something that can be discarded or replaced is to dishonor God’s purpose for it. That would be like amputating a limb. Instead, it should be a picture of love between two imperfect people who choose to love each other regardless.
Whenever a husband looks into the eyes of his wife, he should remember that “he who loves his wife loves himself.” And a wife should remember that when she loves him, she is also giving love and honor to herself.
When you look at your mate, you’re looking at a part of you. So treat her well. Speak highly of him. Nourish and cherish the love of your life.
Today’s Dare
What need does your spouse have that could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you” and do it with a smile.
Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. – Ephesians 5:28
Material taken from The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick, copyright © 2009 by B&H Publishing Group. Used by permission. Unauthorized reproduction in any format is strictly prohibited by law.
Consider these two scenarios.
A man’s older car begins having serious trouble, so he takes it to a mechanic. After an assessment is made, he is told it will need a complete overhaul, which would tax his limited budget. Because of the expensive repairs, he determines to get rid of the car and spend his funds on a new vehicle. Seems reasonable, right?
Another man, an engineer, accidentally crushes his hand in a piece of equipment. He rushes to the hospital and has it x-rayed, finding that numerous bones are broken. Although frustrated and in pain, he willingly uses his savings to have it doctored and placed in a cast, then gingerly nurses it back to health over the following months. This too, probably seems reasonable to you.
The problem within our culture is that marriage is more often treated like the first scenario. When your relationship experiences difficulty, you are urged to dump your spouse for a “newer model.” But those who have this view do not understand the significant bond between a husband and wife. The truth is, marriage is more like the second scenario. You are a part of one another. You would never cut off your hand if it was injured but would pay whatever you could afford for the best medical treatment possible. That’s because your hand is priceless to you. It is part of who you are.
And so is your mate. Marriage is a beautiful mystery created by God, joining two lives together as one. This is not only happens physically but spiritually and emotionally. You start off sharing the same house, the same bed, the same last name. Your identity as individuals has been joined into one. When your spouse goes through a tragedy, both of you feel it. When you find success at your job, both of your rejoice. But somewhere along the way, you experience disappointment, and the sobering reality that you married and imperfect person sets in.
This, however, does not change the fact that your spouse is still a part of you. Ephesians 5:28-29 says, “Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it.”
This verse speaks to husbands, but notice how each member is viewed. They are both considered to be the same flesh. You must treat them with the same nurture and care that you treat yourself. When you show love to your spouse, you are showing love to yourself as well.
But there is a flip side to this coin. When you mistreat your mate, you are mistreating yourself. Think about it. Your lives are now interwoven together. Your spouse cannot experience joy or pain, blessing or cursing, without it also affecting you. So when you attack your mate, it is like attacking your own body.
It’s time to let love change your thinking. It’s time for you to realize that your spouse is as much a part of you as your hand, your eye, or your heart. She, too, needs to be loved and cherished. And if she has issues causing pain or frustration, then you should care for these with the same love and tenderness as you would a bodily injury. If he is wounded in some way, you should think of yourself as an instrument that helps bring healing to his life.
In light of this, think about how you treat your spouse’s physical body. Do you cherish it as your own? Do you treat it with respect and tenderness? Do you take pleasure in who they are? Or do you make them feel foolish or embarrassed? Just as you treasure your eyes, hands, and feet, you should treasure your spouse as a priceless gift.
Don’t let the culture around you determine the worth of your marriage. To compare it with something that can be discarded or replaced is to dishonor God’s purpose for it. That would be like amputating a limb. Instead, it should be a picture of love between two imperfect people who choose to love each other regardless.
Whenever a husband looks into the eyes of his wife, he should remember that “he who loves his wife loves himself.” And a wife should remember that when she loves him, she is also giving love and honor to herself.
When you look at your mate, you’re looking at a part of you. So treat her well. Speak highly of him. Nourish and cherish the love of your life.
Today’s Dare
What need does your spouse have that could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you” and do it with a smile.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Monday Again
Welcome dear Monday. I feel like we see you more than any other day. The weekend was fantastic! Friday morning Derrick wasn't feeling very good so he stayed home with me and Carter. He got to sleep and started feeling better so that night we went out and ate with my folks and then bought us a knew lawn mower. Poor Derrick has been using a used one that doesn't work all that well. Plus we are now paying perma green to make our yard all pretty so we needed a mower that had a bag on it. Gotta get rid of those stickers!! Then Saturday we did stuff around the house, cleaned, finally hung stuff on the walls, and Derrick mowed. I love productive weekends. Then Sunday we attempted church with Carter again. We got there and he started getting antsy and I knew he was about to get loud so I took him down to the nursery. Only reason was because my mom, brandace hardy and lee Ann hardy were down there. Carter was the only baby baby and only boy! Ha he is gonna have his pick of the older ladies! Love it! And then after church we ate at folks and then lounged all day. They fed us supper too and then dessert! Ha Derrick was stuffed!! But now it's Monday again... Carter slept 9.5 hours last night then another hour and half after he ate. Nap one at 11:30 I put his bassinet in his room so we can ease him into sleeping in there. He woke up scared a couple times but then went to sleep. I love when he is asleep cuz I can enjoy the silence! It's kinda funny tho, when Carter naps he always wakes up after 45 mon but is still sleepy. The 90 min program predicted
that! I love that book!!He then slept another 45 min. So an hour and half nap!! Woohoo!!! Well nap at 2:45 he went to sleep early and pretty easy. I love it that I can finally tell what actions, faces and noises mean. That nap was only 45 min long. He was sleepy, should have tried harder to get him back to sleep but oh well. Next nap at 5 was even easier. But he didn't sleep for more than 30 min. Because of that he was sleepy again at 8 so he only slept for 40 min then bath time. Because of the later than normal nap, he didn't go to sleep till 10. But thats ok. Means he won't wake up till almost 8! Yay!! Ok bed time! Night night
that! I love that book!!He then slept another 45 min. So an hour and half nap!! Woohoo!!! Well nap at 2:45 he went to sleep early and pretty easy. I love it that I can finally tell what actions, faces and noises mean. That nap was only 45 min long. He was sleepy, should have tried harder to get him back to sleep but oh well. Next nap at 5 was even easier. But he didn't sleep for more than 30 min. Because of that he was sleepy again at 8 so he only slept for 40 min then bath time. Because of the later than normal nap, he didn't go to sleep till 10. But thats ok. Means he won't wake up till almost 8! Yay!! Ok bed time! Night night
Love Dare-Day 10
Love is Unconditional
God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ dies for us. – Romans 5:8
If someone were to ask you, “Why do you love your wife?” or “Why do you love your husband?” – what would you say?
Most men would mention their wife’s beauty, her sense of humor, her kindness, her inner strength. They might talk about her cooking, her knack for decorating, or what a good mother she is.
Women would probably say something about their husband’s good looks or his personality. They’d commend him for his steadiness and consistent character. They’d say they love him because he’s always there for them. He’s generous. He’s helpful.
But what if over the course of years, your wife or husband stopped being every one of those things. Would you still love them? Based on your answers above, the only logical response would be “no.” If your reasons for loving your spouse all have something to do with his or her qualities – and then those same qualities suddenly or gradually disappear – your basis for love is over.
The only way love can last a lifetime is if it’s unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.
The Bible refers to this kind of love by using the Greek word agape (pronounced uh-GOP-ay).
It differs from the other types of love, which are – phileo (friendship) and eros (sexual love). Both friendship and sex have an important place in marriage, of course, and are definitely part of the house you build together as husband and wife. But if your marriage totally depends on having common interests or enjoying a healthy sex life, then the foundation of your relationship is unstable.
Phileo and eros are more responsive in nature and can fluctuate based upon feelings. Agape love, on the other hand, is selfless and unconditional. So unless this kind of love forms the foundation of your marriage, the wear and tear of time will destroy it. Agape love is in “sickness and health” love, “for richer or poorer” love, “for better or worse” love. It is the only kind of love that is true love.
That’s because this is God’s kind of love. He doesn’t love use because we are lovable but because He is so loving. The Bible says, “In this love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins” (1 John 4:10). If He insisted that we prove ourselves worthy of His love, we would fail miserably. But God’s love is a choice He makes completely on His own. It’s something we receive from Him and then share with others. “We love, because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19).
If a man says to his wife, “I have fallen out of love with you,” he is actually saying, “I never loved you unconditionally to begin with.” His love was based on feelings or circumstances rather than commitment. That’s the result of building a marriage on phileo or eros love. There must be a stronger foundation than mere friendship or sexual attraction. Unconditional love, agape love, will not be swayed by time or circumstance.
That’s not to say, though, that love which began for the wrong reasons cannot be restored and redeemed. In fact, when you rebuild your marriage with agape as its foundation, then the friendship and romantic aspects of your love become more endearing than ever before. When your enjoyment of each other as best friends and lovers is based on unwavering commitment, you will experience an intimacy that cannot be achieved any other way.
But you will struggle and fail to attain this kind of marriage unless you allow God to begin growing His love within you. Love that “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7) does not come from within. It can only come from God.
The Scriptures say that “neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39). This is God’s kind of love. And thankfully – by your choice – it can become your kind of love. But first you must receive it and share it.
And don’t be surprised, when your spouse begins living confidently under its shade, if he or she doesn’t become even more lovable to you than you remember. You will no longer say, “I love you because …” You will now say, “I love you, period.”
Today’s Dare
Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse --- something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.
God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ dies for us. – Romans 5:8
If someone were to ask you, “Why do you love your wife?” or “Why do you love your husband?” – what would you say?
Most men would mention their wife’s beauty, her sense of humor, her kindness, her inner strength. They might talk about her cooking, her knack for decorating, or what a good mother she is.
Women would probably say something about their husband’s good looks or his personality. They’d commend him for his steadiness and consistent character. They’d say they love him because he’s always there for them. He’s generous. He’s helpful.
But what if over the course of years, your wife or husband stopped being every one of those things. Would you still love them? Based on your answers above, the only logical response would be “no.” If your reasons for loving your spouse all have something to do with his or her qualities – and then those same qualities suddenly or gradually disappear – your basis for love is over.
The only way love can last a lifetime is if it’s unconditional. The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love.
The Bible refers to this kind of love by using the Greek word agape (pronounced uh-GOP-ay).
It differs from the other types of love, which are – phileo (friendship) and eros (sexual love). Both friendship and sex have an important place in marriage, of course, and are definitely part of the house you build together as husband and wife. But if your marriage totally depends on having common interests or enjoying a healthy sex life, then the foundation of your relationship is unstable.
Phileo and eros are more responsive in nature and can fluctuate based upon feelings. Agape love, on the other hand, is selfless and unconditional. So unless this kind of love forms the foundation of your marriage, the wear and tear of time will destroy it. Agape love is in “sickness and health” love, “for richer or poorer” love, “for better or worse” love. It is the only kind of love that is true love.
That’s because this is God’s kind of love. He doesn’t love use because we are lovable but because He is so loving. The Bible says, “In this love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins” (1 John 4:10). If He insisted that we prove ourselves worthy of His love, we would fail miserably. But God’s love is a choice He makes completely on His own. It’s something we receive from Him and then share with others. “We love, because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19).
If a man says to his wife, “I have fallen out of love with you,” he is actually saying, “I never loved you unconditionally to begin with.” His love was based on feelings or circumstances rather than commitment. That’s the result of building a marriage on phileo or eros love. There must be a stronger foundation than mere friendship or sexual attraction. Unconditional love, agape love, will not be swayed by time or circumstance.
That’s not to say, though, that love which began for the wrong reasons cannot be restored and redeemed. In fact, when you rebuild your marriage with agape as its foundation, then the friendship and romantic aspects of your love become more endearing than ever before. When your enjoyment of each other as best friends and lovers is based on unwavering commitment, you will experience an intimacy that cannot be achieved any other way.
But you will struggle and fail to attain this kind of marriage unless you allow God to begin growing His love within you. Love that “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7) does not come from within. It can only come from God.
The Scriptures say that “neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39). This is God’s kind of love. And thankfully – by your choice – it can become your kind of love. But first you must receive it and share it.
And don’t be surprised, when your spouse begins living confidently under its shade, if he or she doesn’t become even more lovable to you than you remember. You will no longer say, “I love you because …” You will now say, “I love you, period.”
Today’s Dare
Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse --- something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
The latest
Well, I haven't really updated lately. Carter has been doing so good. Good naps, sleeping at least seven hours at night. It's normally nine hours, eats and sleeps for another two hours. Last night he slept for ten, ate, and another hour. So guess he likes the 11 hour sleep!! I know I love it. I have been warned of thhe 4 month wakeful period. Not looking forward to that!!! I have noticed he takes better naps when Derrick is around. But we have successfully broke him of needing to be held for naps. Now if our darn video monitors would just get here we could put him in his room!!! Well that's all I have for tonight. Night night
Love Dare-Day 9
Love Makes Good Impressions
Greet one another with a kiss of love. – 1 Peter 5:14
You’ve covered some serous ground so far in this journey. Learning to demonstrate aspects of love patience, kindness, and encouragement are not always easy but are certainly crucial to a healthy relationship. So dealing with the way you greet your spouse each day may seem inconsequential, but this small issue carries surprising significance.
You can tell a lot about the state of a couple’s relationship from the way they greet one another. You can see it in their expression and countenance, as well as how they speak to each other. It is even more obvious by their physical contact. But how much importance should you give a greeting?
The Bible has more to say about greetings than you might expect. The apostle Paul took time to encourage his readers to greet one another warmly when they met. In fact, near the end of his letter to the Romans, he asked fellow believers to greet twenty-seven of his friends and loved ones for him. He even took time to list each one by name.
It’s not just about your friends, however. Jesus noted in His Sermon on the Mount that even pagans speak kindly to people they like. That’s easy for anyone to do. But He took it a step further and said that being godly included being humble and gracious enough to address even your enemies with kindness.
This raises an interesting question. How do you greet your friends, coworkers, and neighbors? How about acquaintances and those you meet in public?
You may even encounter someone you don’t necessarily like yet still acknowledge them out of courtesy. So if you’re this nice and polite to other people, doesn’t your spouse deserve the same? Times ten?
It’s probably something you don’t think about very often – the first thing you say to him or to her when you wake up in the morning, the look on your face when you get in the car, the energy in your voice when you speak on the telephone. But here’s something else you probably don’t stop to consider – the difference it would make in your spouse’s day if everything about you expressed the fact that you were really, really glad to see them.
When someone communicates that they are glad to see you, your personal sense of self-worth increases. You feel more important and valued. That’s because a good greeting sets the stage for positive and healthy interaction. Like love, it puts wind in your sails.
Think back to the story Jesus told of the prodigal son. This young, rebellious man demanded his inheritance money and then wasted it on foolish lifestyle. But soon his bad choices caught up with him, and he found himself eating scrapes in a pigpen. Humbled and ashamed, he practiced his apologies and tried to think of the best way to go home and face his father. But the greeting he was expecting was not the one he received. “While he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed” (Luke 15:20).
Of all the scenarios this young man had played out in his mind, this was likely the last one he expected. But how do you think it made him feel to receive his father’s embrace and hear his thankful tone? He no doubt felt loved and treasured once again. What do you think it did in their relationship?
What kind of greetings would make your mate feel like that? How could you excite his or her various senses with a simple word, a touch, a tone of voice? A loving greeting can bless your spouse through what they see, hear, and feel.
Think of the opportunities you have to greet each other on a regular basis. When coming through the door. When meeting for lunch. When saying good-night. When talking on the phone.
It doesn’t have to be bold and dramatic every time. But adding warmth and enthusiasm gives you the chance to touch your mate’s heart in subtle, unspoken ways.
Think about your greeting. Do you use it well? Does your spouse feel valued and appreciated? Do they feel loved? Even when you’re not getting along too well, you can lessen the tension and give them value by the way you greet them.
Remember, love is a choice. So choose to change your greeting. Choose love.
Today’s Dare
Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.
For I have come to have much joy and comfort in your love. (Philemon 7)
Greet one another with a kiss of love. – 1 Peter 5:14
You’ve covered some serous ground so far in this journey. Learning to demonstrate aspects of love patience, kindness, and encouragement are not always easy but are certainly crucial to a healthy relationship. So dealing with the way you greet your spouse each day may seem inconsequential, but this small issue carries surprising significance.
You can tell a lot about the state of a couple’s relationship from the way they greet one another. You can see it in their expression and countenance, as well as how they speak to each other. It is even more obvious by their physical contact. But how much importance should you give a greeting?
The Bible has more to say about greetings than you might expect. The apostle Paul took time to encourage his readers to greet one another warmly when they met. In fact, near the end of his letter to the Romans, he asked fellow believers to greet twenty-seven of his friends and loved ones for him. He even took time to list each one by name.
It’s not just about your friends, however. Jesus noted in His Sermon on the Mount that even pagans speak kindly to people they like. That’s easy for anyone to do. But He took it a step further and said that being godly included being humble and gracious enough to address even your enemies with kindness.
This raises an interesting question. How do you greet your friends, coworkers, and neighbors? How about acquaintances and those you meet in public?
You may even encounter someone you don’t necessarily like yet still acknowledge them out of courtesy. So if you’re this nice and polite to other people, doesn’t your spouse deserve the same? Times ten?
It’s probably something you don’t think about very often – the first thing you say to him or to her when you wake up in the morning, the look on your face when you get in the car, the energy in your voice when you speak on the telephone. But here’s something else you probably don’t stop to consider – the difference it would make in your spouse’s day if everything about you expressed the fact that you were really, really glad to see them.
When someone communicates that they are glad to see you, your personal sense of self-worth increases. You feel more important and valued. That’s because a good greeting sets the stage for positive and healthy interaction. Like love, it puts wind in your sails.
Think back to the story Jesus told of the prodigal son. This young, rebellious man demanded his inheritance money and then wasted it on foolish lifestyle. But soon his bad choices caught up with him, and he found himself eating scrapes in a pigpen. Humbled and ashamed, he practiced his apologies and tried to think of the best way to go home and face his father. But the greeting he was expecting was not the one he received. “While he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed” (Luke 15:20).
Of all the scenarios this young man had played out in his mind, this was likely the last one he expected. But how do you think it made him feel to receive his father’s embrace and hear his thankful tone? He no doubt felt loved and treasured once again. What do you think it did in their relationship?
What kind of greetings would make your mate feel like that? How could you excite his or her various senses with a simple word, a touch, a tone of voice? A loving greeting can bless your spouse through what they see, hear, and feel.
Think of the opportunities you have to greet each other on a regular basis. When coming through the door. When meeting for lunch. When saying good-night. When talking on the phone.
It doesn’t have to be bold and dramatic every time. But adding warmth and enthusiasm gives you the chance to touch your mate’s heart in subtle, unspoken ways.
Think about your greeting. Do you use it well? Does your spouse feel valued and appreciated? Do they feel loved? Even when you’re not getting along too well, you can lessen the tension and give them value by the way you greet them.
Remember, love is a choice. So choose to change your greeting. Choose love.
Today’s Dare
Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.
For I have come to have much joy and comfort in your love. (Philemon 7)
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Love Dare-Day 8
Love is Not Jealous
Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire. – Song of Solomon 8:6 NIV
Jealousy is one of the strongest drives known to man. It comes from the root word for zeal and means “to burn with an intense fire.” Scripture pointedly says, “Wrath is fierce and anger is a flood, but who can stand before jealousy?” (Proverbs 27:4).
There are actually two forms: a legitimate jealousy based upon love, and an illegitimate jealousy based upon envy. Legitimate jealousy sparks when someone you love, who belongs to you, turns his or her heart away and replaces you with someone else. If a wife has an affair and gives herself to another person, her husband may have justified, jealous anger because of his love for her. He is longing to have back what is rightfully his.
The Bible describes God as having this kind of righteous jealousy for His people. It’s not that He is envious of us, wishing He had what we have (since He already owns everything). It’s that He deeply longs for us, desiring for us to keep Him as our first love. He doesn’t want us to let anything take precedence over Him in our hearts. The Bible warns us not to worship anything but Him because “the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God” (Deuteronomy 4:24).
With this established, we will shift our focus to the illegitimate kind of jealousy that is in opposition to love – the one that is rooted in selfishness. This is to be jealous of someone, to be “moved with envy.”
Do you struggle with being jealous of others? Your friend is more popular, so feel hatred towards her. Your coworker gets the promotion, so you can’t sleep that night. He may have nothing wrong, but you became bitter because of his success. It has been said that people are fine with our succeeding, just as long as it is not more than theirs.
Jealousy is a common struggle. It is sparked when someone else upstages you and gets something you want. This can be very painful depending upon how selfish you are. Instead of congratulating them, you fume in anger and think ill of them. If you’re not careful, jealousy slithers like a viper into your heart and strikes your motivations and relationships. It can poison you from living the life of love God intended.
If you don’t diffuse your anger by learning to love others, you may eventually begin plotting against them. The Bible says that envy leads to fighting, quarreling, and every evil thing (James 3:16, 4:1-2).
There is a string of violent jealousy seen throughout Scripture. It caused the first murder when Cain despised God’s acceptance of his brother’s offering. Sarah sent away her handmaiden because Hagar could bear children while Sarah could not. Joseph’s brothers saw he was their father’s favorite, so they threw him in a pit and sold him as a slave. Jesus was more loving, powerful, and popular than the chief priests, so they envied Him and plotted His betrayal and crucifixion.
You don’t usually get jealous of disconnected strangers. The ones you’re tempted to jealous of are primarily in the same arena with you. They work in your office, play in your league, run in your circles … or live in your house. Yes, if you aren’t careful, jealousy can also infect your marriage.
When you were married, you were given the role of becoming your spouse’s biggest cheerleader and the captain of his or her fan club. Both of you become one and were to share in the enjoyment of the other. But if selfishness rules, any good thing happening to only one of you can be a catalyst for envy rather than congratulations.
He may enjoy golf on the weekend while she stays home cleaning the house. He boasts to her about shooting a great score and she feels like shooting him.
Or perhaps she is constantly invited to go out with friends while he is left home with the dog. If he’s not careful, he can resent her popularity.
Because love is not selfish and puts other first, it refuses to let jealousy in. It leads you to celebrate the successes of your spouse rather than resenting them. A loving husband doesn’t mind his wife being better at something, having more fun, or getting more applause. He sees her as completing him, not competing with him.
When he receives praise, he publicly thanks her for her support in aiding his own success. He refuses to brag in such a way that may cause her to resent him. A loving wife will be the first to cheer for her man when he wins. She does not compare her weaknesses to his strengths. She throws a celebration, not a pity party.
It is time to let love, humility, and gratefulness destroy any jealousy that springs up in your heart. It’s time to let your mate’s successes draw you closer together and give you greater opportunities to show genuine love.
Today’s Dare
Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire. – Song of Solomon 8:6 NIV
Jealousy is one of the strongest drives known to man. It comes from the root word for zeal and means “to burn with an intense fire.” Scripture pointedly says, “Wrath is fierce and anger is a flood, but who can stand before jealousy?” (Proverbs 27:4).
There are actually two forms: a legitimate jealousy based upon love, and an illegitimate jealousy based upon envy. Legitimate jealousy sparks when someone you love, who belongs to you, turns his or her heart away and replaces you with someone else. If a wife has an affair and gives herself to another person, her husband may have justified, jealous anger because of his love for her. He is longing to have back what is rightfully his.
The Bible describes God as having this kind of righteous jealousy for His people. It’s not that He is envious of us, wishing He had what we have (since He already owns everything). It’s that He deeply longs for us, desiring for us to keep Him as our first love. He doesn’t want us to let anything take precedence over Him in our hearts. The Bible warns us not to worship anything but Him because “the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God” (Deuteronomy 4:24).
With this established, we will shift our focus to the illegitimate kind of jealousy that is in opposition to love – the one that is rooted in selfishness. This is to be jealous of someone, to be “moved with envy.”
Do you struggle with being jealous of others? Your friend is more popular, so feel hatred towards her. Your coworker gets the promotion, so you can’t sleep that night. He may have nothing wrong, but you became bitter because of his success. It has been said that people are fine with our succeeding, just as long as it is not more than theirs.
Jealousy is a common struggle. It is sparked when someone else upstages you and gets something you want. This can be very painful depending upon how selfish you are. Instead of congratulating them, you fume in anger and think ill of them. If you’re not careful, jealousy slithers like a viper into your heart and strikes your motivations and relationships. It can poison you from living the life of love God intended.
If you don’t diffuse your anger by learning to love others, you may eventually begin plotting against them. The Bible says that envy leads to fighting, quarreling, and every evil thing (James 3:16, 4:1-2).
There is a string of violent jealousy seen throughout Scripture. It caused the first murder when Cain despised God’s acceptance of his brother’s offering. Sarah sent away her handmaiden because Hagar could bear children while Sarah could not. Joseph’s brothers saw he was their father’s favorite, so they threw him in a pit and sold him as a slave. Jesus was more loving, powerful, and popular than the chief priests, so they envied Him and plotted His betrayal and crucifixion.
You don’t usually get jealous of disconnected strangers. The ones you’re tempted to jealous of are primarily in the same arena with you. They work in your office, play in your league, run in your circles … or live in your house. Yes, if you aren’t careful, jealousy can also infect your marriage.
When you were married, you were given the role of becoming your spouse’s biggest cheerleader and the captain of his or her fan club. Both of you become one and were to share in the enjoyment of the other. But if selfishness rules, any good thing happening to only one of you can be a catalyst for envy rather than congratulations.
He may enjoy golf on the weekend while she stays home cleaning the house. He boasts to her about shooting a great score and she feels like shooting him.
Or perhaps she is constantly invited to go out with friends while he is left home with the dog. If he’s not careful, he can resent her popularity.
Because love is not selfish and puts other first, it refuses to let jealousy in. It leads you to celebrate the successes of your spouse rather than resenting them. A loving husband doesn’t mind his wife being better at something, having more fun, or getting more applause. He sees her as completing him, not competing with him.
When he receives praise, he publicly thanks her for her support in aiding his own success. He refuses to brag in such a way that may cause her to resent him. A loving wife will be the first to cheer for her man when he wins. She does not compare her weaknesses to his strengths. She throws a celebration, not a pity party.
It is time to let love, humility, and gratefulness destroy any jealousy that springs up in your heart. It’s time to let your mate’s successes draw you closer together and give you greater opportunities to show genuine love.
Today’s Dare
Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Love Dare-Day 7
by Eric | 45 Comments
Love Believes the Best
[Love] believes all things, hopes all things. – 1 Corinthians 13:7
In the deep and private corridors of your heart, there is a room. It’s called the Appreciation Room. It’s where your thoughts go when you encounter positive and encouraging things about your spouse. And every so often, you enjoy visiting this special place.
On the walls are written kind words and phrases describing the good attributes of your mate. These may include characteristics like “honest” and “intelligent,” or phrases like “diligent worker,” “wonderful cook,” or “beautiful eyes.” They are things you’ve discovered about your husband or wife that have embedded themselves in your memory. When you think about these things, your appreciation for your spouse begins to increase. In fact, the more time you spend meditating on these positive attributes, the more grateful you are for your mate.
Most things in the Appreciation Room were likely written in the initial stages of your relationship. You could summarize them as things you liked and respected about your loved one. They were true, honorable, and good. And you spent a great deal of time dwelling on them in this room … before you were married. But you may have found that you don’t visit this special room as often as you once did. That’s because there is another competing room nearby.
Down another dark corridor of your heart lies the Depreciation Room, and unfortunately you visit there as well.
On its walls are written the things that bother and irritate you about your spouse. These things were placed there out of frustration, hurt feelings, and the disappointment of unmet expectations.
This room is lined with the weaknesses and failures of your husband and wife. Their bad habits, hurtful words, and poor decisions are written in large letters that cover the walls from one end to the other. If you stay in this room long enough, you get depressed and start expressing things like, “My wife is so selfish,” or “My husband can be such a jerk.” Or maybe, “I think I married the wrong person.”
Some people write very hateful things in this room where tell-off statements are rehearsed for the next argument. Emotional injuries fester here, adding more scathing remarks to the walls. It’s where ammunition is kept for the next big fight and bitterness is allowed to spread like a disease. People fall out of love here.
But know this. Spending time in the Depreciation Room kills marriages. Divorces are plotted in this room and violent plans are schemed. The more time you spend in this place, the more your heart devalues your spouse. It begins the moment you walk in the door, and your care for them lessens with every second that ticks by.
You may say, “But these things are true!” Yes, but so are the things in the Appreciation Room. Everyone fails and has areas that need growth. Everyone has unresolved issues, hurts, and personal baggage. This is a sad aspect of being human. We all have sinned. But we have this unfortunate tendency to downplay our own negative attributes while putting our partner’s failures under a magnifying glass.
Let’s get down to the real issue here. Love knows about the Depreciation Room and does not live in denial that it exists.
But love chooses not live there.
You must decided to stop running to this room and lingering there after every frustrating event in your relationship. It does you no good and drains the joy out of your marriage.
Love chooses to believe the best about people. It gives them the benefit of the doubt. It refuses to fill in the unknowns with negative assumptions. And when our worst hopes are proven to be true, love makes every effort to deal with them and move forward. As much as possible, love focuses on the positive.
It’s time to start thinking differently. It’s time to let love lead your thoughts and your focus. The only reason you should glance in the door of the Depreciation Room is to know how to pray for your spouse. And the only reason you should ever go in this room is to write “COVERED IN LOVE” in huge letters across the walls.
It’s time to move into the Appreciation Room, to settle down and make it your home. As you choose to meditate on the positives, you will learn that many more wonderful character qualities could be written across these walls. Your spouse is a living, breathing, endless book to be read. Dreams and hopes have yet to be realized. Talents and abilities may be discovered like hidden treasure. But the choice to explore them starts with a decision by you.
You must develop the habit of reining in your negative thoughts and focusing on the positive attributes of your mate. This is a crucial step as you learn to lead your heart to truly love your spouse. It is a decision that you make, whether they deserve it or not.
Today’s Dare
For today’s dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.
Love Believes the Best
[Love] believes all things, hopes all things. – 1 Corinthians 13:7
In the deep and private corridors of your heart, there is a room. It’s called the Appreciation Room. It’s where your thoughts go when you encounter positive and encouraging things about your spouse. And every so often, you enjoy visiting this special place.
On the walls are written kind words and phrases describing the good attributes of your mate. These may include characteristics like “honest” and “intelligent,” or phrases like “diligent worker,” “wonderful cook,” or “beautiful eyes.” They are things you’ve discovered about your husband or wife that have embedded themselves in your memory. When you think about these things, your appreciation for your spouse begins to increase. In fact, the more time you spend meditating on these positive attributes, the more grateful you are for your mate.
Most things in the Appreciation Room were likely written in the initial stages of your relationship. You could summarize them as things you liked and respected about your loved one. They were true, honorable, and good. And you spent a great deal of time dwelling on them in this room … before you were married. But you may have found that you don’t visit this special room as often as you once did. That’s because there is another competing room nearby.
Down another dark corridor of your heart lies the Depreciation Room, and unfortunately you visit there as well.
On its walls are written the things that bother and irritate you about your spouse. These things were placed there out of frustration, hurt feelings, and the disappointment of unmet expectations.
This room is lined with the weaknesses and failures of your husband and wife. Their bad habits, hurtful words, and poor decisions are written in large letters that cover the walls from one end to the other. If you stay in this room long enough, you get depressed and start expressing things like, “My wife is so selfish,” or “My husband can be such a jerk.” Or maybe, “I think I married the wrong person.”
Some people write very hateful things in this room where tell-off statements are rehearsed for the next argument. Emotional injuries fester here, adding more scathing remarks to the walls. It’s where ammunition is kept for the next big fight and bitterness is allowed to spread like a disease. People fall out of love here.
But know this. Spending time in the Depreciation Room kills marriages. Divorces are plotted in this room and violent plans are schemed. The more time you spend in this place, the more your heart devalues your spouse. It begins the moment you walk in the door, and your care for them lessens with every second that ticks by.
You may say, “But these things are true!” Yes, but so are the things in the Appreciation Room. Everyone fails and has areas that need growth. Everyone has unresolved issues, hurts, and personal baggage. This is a sad aspect of being human. We all have sinned. But we have this unfortunate tendency to downplay our own negative attributes while putting our partner’s failures under a magnifying glass.
Let’s get down to the real issue here. Love knows about the Depreciation Room and does not live in denial that it exists.
But love chooses not live there.
You must decided to stop running to this room and lingering there after every frustrating event in your relationship. It does you no good and drains the joy out of your marriage.
Love chooses to believe the best about people. It gives them the benefit of the doubt. It refuses to fill in the unknowns with negative assumptions. And when our worst hopes are proven to be true, love makes every effort to deal with them and move forward. As much as possible, love focuses on the positive.
It’s time to start thinking differently. It’s time to let love lead your thoughts and your focus. The only reason you should glance in the door of the Depreciation Room is to know how to pray for your spouse. And the only reason you should ever go in this room is to write “COVERED IN LOVE” in huge letters across the walls.
It’s time to move into the Appreciation Room, to settle down and make it your home. As you choose to meditate on the positives, you will learn that many more wonderful character qualities could be written across these walls. Your spouse is a living, breathing, endless book to be read. Dreams and hopes have yet to be realized. Talents and abilities may be discovered like hidden treasure. But the choice to explore them starts with a decision by you.
You must develop the habit of reining in your negative thoughts and focusing on the positive attributes of your mate. This is a crucial step as you learn to lead your heart to truly love your spouse. It is a decision that you make, whether they deserve it or not.
Today’s Dare
For today’s dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.
Blog changes
Because my blog has been used against me by a few people, I have decided to change my blog to where people have to ask permission before they read it. I love writing it and I have recently found out that a lot of people enjoy reading it. So I will not stop writing just because some people want to be hurtful. Thank you to all my friends and family that have encouraged me, loved me, and shown me so much respect for decisions Derrick and I make for our family.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Love dare-Day 6
"Love is not irritable"
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. -Proverbs 16:32
Love is hard to offend and quick to forgive. How easily do you get irritated and offended? Some people have the motto, “Never pass up an opportunity to get upset with your spouse.” When something goes wrong, they quickly take full advantage of it by expressing how hurt or frustrated they are. But this is the opposite reaction to love.
To be irritable means “to be near the point of a knife.” Not far from being poked. People are irritated are locked, loaded, and ready to overact.
When under pressure, love doesn’t turn sour. Minor problems don’t yield major reactions. The truth is, love does not get angry or hurt unless there is a legitimate and just reason in the sight of God. A loving husband will remain calm and patient, showing mercy and restraining his temper. Rage and violence are out of the question. A loving wife is not overly sensitive or cranky but exercise emotional self-control. She chooses to be a flower among the thorns and respond pleasantly during prickly situations.
If you are walking under the influence of love, you will be a joy, not a jerk. Ask yourself, “Am I a calming breeze, or a storm waiting to happen?”
Why do people become irritable? There are at least two key reasons that contribute to it:
Stress. Stress weighs you down, drains your energy, weakens your health, and invites you to be cranky. It can be brought on by the relational causes: arguing, division, and the bitterness. There are excessive causes: overworking, overplaying, and overspending. And there are deficiencies: not get enough rest, nutrition, or exercise. Oftentimes we inflict these daggers on ourselves, and this sets us up to be irritable.
Life is a marathon, not a sprint. This means you must balance, prioritize, and pace yourself. Too often we throw caution to the wind and run full steam ahead, doing what feels right at the moment. Soon we are gasping for air, wound up in knots, and ready to snap. The increasing pressure can wear away at our patience and our relationship.
The Bible can help you avoid unhealthy stress. It teaches you to let love guide your relationships to so you aren’t caught up in unnecessary arguments (Colossians 3:12-14). To pray through your anxieties instead of tackling them on your own (Philippians 4:6-7). To delegate when you are overworked (Exodus 18:17-23). To avoid overindulgence (Proverbs 23:16)
It also exhorts you to take a “Sabbath” vacation day every week for worship and rest. This strategically allows you time to recharge, refocus, and add breathing room or margin to your weekly schedule. Establishing these kinds of extra spaces will place cushions between you and the pressures around you, reducing stress that keeps you on edge around your mate. But there is a deeper reason why you can become irritable –
Selfishness. When you’re irritable, the heart of the problem is primarily a problem of the heart. Jesus said, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34 NKJV). Some people are like lemons: when life squeezes them, they pour out a sour response. Some are more like peaches: when the pressure is on, the result is still sweet.
Being easily angered is an indicator that a hidden area of selfishness or insecurity is present where love is supposed to rule. But selfishness also wears many other masks:
Lust, for example, is the result of being ungrateful for what you have and choosing to covet or burn with passion for something that is forbidden. When your heart is lustful, it will become easily frustrated and angered (James 4:1-3). Bitterness takes root when he is provoked (Ephesians 4:31). Greed for more money and possessions will frustrate you with unfulfilled desires (1 Timothy 6:9-10). These strong cravings coupled with dissatisfaction lead you to lash out at anyone who stands in your way. Pride leads you to act harshly in order to protect your ego and reputation.
These motivations can never be satisfied. But when love enters your heart, it calms you down and inspires you to quit focusing on yourself. It loosens your grasp and helps you let go of unnecessary things.
Love will lead you to forgive instead of holding a grudge. To be grateful instead of greedy. To be content rather than rushing into more debt. Love encourages you to be happy when someone else succeeds rather than lying wake at night in envy. Love says “share the inheritance” rather than “fight with your relatives.” It reminds you to prioritize your family rather than sacrifice them for a promotion at work. In each decision, love ultimately lowers your stress and helps you release the venom that can build up inside. It then sets up your heart to respond to your spouse with patience and encouragement rather than anger and exasperation.
TODAY'S DARE
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
Things to ponder:
Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it?
I always do my best to have a clear conscience towards God and men. -Acts 24:16
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. -Proverbs 16:32
Love is hard to offend and quick to forgive. How easily do you get irritated and offended? Some people have the motto, “Never pass up an opportunity to get upset with your spouse.” When something goes wrong, they quickly take full advantage of it by expressing how hurt or frustrated they are. But this is the opposite reaction to love.
To be irritable means “to be near the point of a knife.” Not far from being poked. People are irritated are locked, loaded, and ready to overact.
When under pressure, love doesn’t turn sour. Minor problems don’t yield major reactions. The truth is, love does not get angry or hurt unless there is a legitimate and just reason in the sight of God. A loving husband will remain calm and patient, showing mercy and restraining his temper. Rage and violence are out of the question. A loving wife is not overly sensitive or cranky but exercise emotional self-control. She chooses to be a flower among the thorns and respond pleasantly during prickly situations.
If you are walking under the influence of love, you will be a joy, not a jerk. Ask yourself, “Am I a calming breeze, or a storm waiting to happen?”
Why do people become irritable? There are at least two key reasons that contribute to it:
Stress. Stress weighs you down, drains your energy, weakens your health, and invites you to be cranky. It can be brought on by the relational causes: arguing, division, and the bitterness. There are excessive causes: overworking, overplaying, and overspending. And there are deficiencies: not get enough rest, nutrition, or exercise. Oftentimes we inflict these daggers on ourselves, and this sets us up to be irritable.
Life is a marathon, not a sprint. This means you must balance, prioritize, and pace yourself. Too often we throw caution to the wind and run full steam ahead, doing what feels right at the moment. Soon we are gasping for air, wound up in knots, and ready to snap. The increasing pressure can wear away at our patience and our relationship.
The Bible can help you avoid unhealthy stress. It teaches you to let love guide your relationships to so you aren’t caught up in unnecessary arguments (Colossians 3:12-14). To pray through your anxieties instead of tackling them on your own (Philippians 4:6-7). To delegate when you are overworked (Exodus 18:17-23). To avoid overindulgence (Proverbs 23:16)
It also exhorts you to take a “Sabbath” vacation day every week for worship and rest. This strategically allows you time to recharge, refocus, and add breathing room or margin to your weekly schedule. Establishing these kinds of extra spaces will place cushions between you and the pressures around you, reducing stress that keeps you on edge around your mate. But there is a deeper reason why you can become irritable –
Selfishness. When you’re irritable, the heart of the problem is primarily a problem of the heart. Jesus said, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34 NKJV). Some people are like lemons: when life squeezes them, they pour out a sour response. Some are more like peaches: when the pressure is on, the result is still sweet.
Being easily angered is an indicator that a hidden area of selfishness or insecurity is present where love is supposed to rule. But selfishness also wears many other masks:
Lust, for example, is the result of being ungrateful for what you have and choosing to covet or burn with passion for something that is forbidden. When your heart is lustful, it will become easily frustrated and angered (James 4:1-3). Bitterness takes root when he is provoked (Ephesians 4:31). Greed for more money and possessions will frustrate you with unfulfilled desires (1 Timothy 6:9-10). These strong cravings coupled with dissatisfaction lead you to lash out at anyone who stands in your way. Pride leads you to act harshly in order to protect your ego and reputation.
These motivations can never be satisfied. But when love enters your heart, it calms you down and inspires you to quit focusing on yourself. It loosens your grasp and helps you let go of unnecessary things.
Love will lead you to forgive instead of holding a grudge. To be grateful instead of greedy. To be content rather than rushing into more debt. Love encourages you to be happy when someone else succeeds rather than lying wake at night in envy. Love says “share the inheritance” rather than “fight with your relatives.” It reminds you to prioritize your family rather than sacrifice them for a promotion at work. In each decision, love ultimately lowers your stress and helps you release the venom that can build up inside. It then sets up your heart to respond to your spouse with patience and encouragement rather than anger and exasperation.
TODAY'S DARE
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
Things to ponder:
Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your real motivation behind it?
I always do my best to have a clear conscience towards God and men. -Acts 24:16
God will help you through
The last few days have been pretty tough. Carter hasn't been acting like himself, he has totally switched up his schedule and has been throwing up a lot more than normal. All this on top of other obstacles God has thrown my way, I have found that I am completely broken. I have never realized how much I really need God! And not the Sunday god that I used to have but the 24/7, best friend, shoulder to cry on God! He is the only one that can help me through and help me get over all these obstacles. I have also been doing the love dare again. This not only is reminding me how to show love to Derrick, but it's showing me how to show love to others, and how others should show love to me. It's amazing when you have a kid of you own how much of your life changes. Yes, the obvious, less sleep, more stress. But other things change too. Things that you wouldn't think. You watch less tv, find yourself sitting in silence for as long as it can last, can't remember the last time you showered or cooked a real meal. Can't remember the last movie you saw, can't remember the last time you saw your friends, friendships change. You lose some friends but grow closer to others. Every relationship you have changes in some way. Some change in a good way, some in a bad. Things in life take on new meaning. Some things are much clearer, some much more confusing. This might all sound like gibberish, but to moms it makes perfect sense! Now, on to Carter. He has been a bit confusing lately. Sleeping great at night, I would actually call it perfect. Naps, he now takes in his bassinet, they just aren't very long all of a sudden. Like 30-45 min tops. But everyone I have talked to and everything I have read says around this age they tart taking shorter more frequent naps until they find their own schedule. His schedule is like a where's Waldo game!! But he us so happy all the time! I love it! He laughed for the first time today. Not abductor but a real laugh. He was asleep, but still so cool! Made my day!! He did scream a couple times today, madder than ever, and all because I wouldn't listen!! Geez mom I'm hungry!! And I have to say again.. My husband is amazing. He gets up early, works all day and then takes over with Carter when he gets home. Love him!! And it's so cute, now Carter lives to have daddy hold him, looks for him when he walks away and gets so excited when he sees him. I love it! He probably gets bored with me all day! Ha ok bed time!! Night night
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Love Dare-Day 5
Day 5
Love is not rude
He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him.
—Proverbs 27:14
Nothing irritates others as quickly as being rude. Rudeness is unnecessarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant for another person to be around. To be rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing, or irritating. In marriage, this could be a foul mouth, poor table manners, or a habit of making sarcastic quips. However you look at it, no one enjoys being around a rude person. Rude behavior may seem insignificant to the person doing it, but it’s unpleasant to those on the receiving end.
As always, love has something to say about this. When a man is driven by love, he intentionally behaves in a way that’s more pleasant for his wife to be around. If she desires to love him, she purposefully avoids things that frustrate him or cause him discomfort.
The bottom line is that genuine love minds its manners.
Embracing this one concept could add some fresh air to your marriage. Good manners express to your wife or husband, “I value you enough to exercise some self-control around you. I want to be a person who’s a pleasure to be with.” When you allow love to change your behavior—even in the smallest of ways—you restore an atmosphere of honor to your relationship. People who practice good etiquette tend to raise the respect level of the environment around them.
For the most part, the etiquette you use at home is much different than the kind you employ with friends, or even with total strangers. You may be barking or pouting around the house, but if the front door chimes, you open it all smiling and kind. Yet if you dare to love, you’ll also want to give your best to your own. If you don’t let love motivate you to make needed changes in your behavior, the quality of your marriage relationship will suffer for it.
Women tend to be much better at certain types of manners than men, though they can be rude in other ways. King Solomon said, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife” (Proverbs 25:24 niv). But men especially need to learn this important lesson. The Bible says, “It is well with the man who is gracious” (Psalm 112:5). A man of discretion will find out what is appropriate, then adjust his behavior accordingly.
There are two main reasons why people are rude: ignorance and selfishness. Neither, of course, is a good thing. A child is born ignorant of etiquette, needing lots of help and training. Adults, however, display their ignorance at another level. You know the rules, but you can be blind to how you break them or be too self-centered to care. In fact, you may not realize how unpleasant you can be to live with.
Test yourself with these questions:
• How does your spouse feel about the way you speak and act around them?
• How does your behavior affect your mate’s sense of worth and self-esteem?
• Would your husband or wife say you’re a blessing, or that you’re condescending and embarrassing?
If you’re thinking that your spouse—not you—is the one who needs work in this area, you’re likely suffering from a bad case of ignorance, with a secondary condition of selfishness. Remember, love is not rude but lifts you to a higher standard.
Do you wish your spouse would quit doing the things that bother you? Then it’s time to stop doing the things that bother them. Will you be thoughtful and loving enough to discover and avoid the behavior that causes life to be unpleasant for your mate? Will you dare to be delightful?
Here are three guiding principles when it comes to practicing etiquette in your marriage:
1. Guard the Golden Rule. Treat your mate the same way you want to be treated (see Luke 6:31).
2. No double standards. Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers and coworkers.
3. Honor requests. Consider what your husband or wife already asked you to do or not do. If in doubt, then ask.
Today’s Dare
Ask your spouse to tell you three
things that cause him or her to be
uncomfortable or irritated with you.
You must do so without attacking them
or justifying your behavior. This is
from their perspective only.
-----------------------------
The words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious. (Ecclesiastes 10:12)
Love is not rude
He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him.
—Proverbs 27:14
Nothing irritates others as quickly as being rude. Rudeness is unnecessarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant for another person to be around. To be rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing, or irritating. In marriage, this could be a foul mouth, poor table manners, or a habit of making sarcastic quips. However you look at it, no one enjoys being around a rude person. Rude behavior may seem insignificant to the person doing it, but it’s unpleasant to those on the receiving end.
As always, love has something to say about this. When a man is driven by love, he intentionally behaves in a way that’s more pleasant for his wife to be around. If she desires to love him, she purposefully avoids things that frustrate him or cause him discomfort.
The bottom line is that genuine love minds its manners.
Embracing this one concept could add some fresh air to your marriage. Good manners express to your wife or husband, “I value you enough to exercise some self-control around you. I want to be a person who’s a pleasure to be with.” When you allow love to change your behavior—even in the smallest of ways—you restore an atmosphere of honor to your relationship. People who practice good etiquette tend to raise the respect level of the environment around them.
For the most part, the etiquette you use at home is much different than the kind you employ with friends, or even with total strangers. You may be barking or pouting around the house, but if the front door chimes, you open it all smiling and kind. Yet if you dare to love, you’ll also want to give your best to your own. If you don’t let love motivate you to make needed changes in your behavior, the quality of your marriage relationship will suffer for it.
Women tend to be much better at certain types of manners than men, though they can be rude in other ways. King Solomon said, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife” (Proverbs 25:24 niv). But men especially need to learn this important lesson. The Bible says, “It is well with the man who is gracious” (Psalm 112:5). A man of discretion will find out what is appropriate, then adjust his behavior accordingly.
There are two main reasons why people are rude: ignorance and selfishness. Neither, of course, is a good thing. A child is born ignorant of etiquette, needing lots of help and training. Adults, however, display their ignorance at another level. You know the rules, but you can be blind to how you break them or be too self-centered to care. In fact, you may not realize how unpleasant you can be to live with.
Test yourself with these questions:
• How does your spouse feel about the way you speak and act around them?
• How does your behavior affect your mate’s sense of worth and self-esteem?
• Would your husband or wife say you’re a blessing, or that you’re condescending and embarrassing?
If you’re thinking that your spouse—not you—is the one who needs work in this area, you’re likely suffering from a bad case of ignorance, with a secondary condition of selfishness. Remember, love is not rude but lifts you to a higher standard.
Do you wish your spouse would quit doing the things that bother you? Then it’s time to stop doing the things that bother them. Will you be thoughtful and loving enough to discover and avoid the behavior that causes life to be unpleasant for your mate? Will you dare to be delightful?
Here are three guiding principles when it comes to practicing etiquette in your marriage:
1. Guard the Golden Rule. Treat your mate the same way you want to be treated (see Luke 6:31).
2. No double standards. Be as considerate to your spouse as you are to strangers and coworkers.
3. Honor requests. Consider what your husband or wife already asked you to do or not do. If in doubt, then ask.
Today’s Dare
Ask your spouse to tell you three
things that cause him or her to be
uncomfortable or irritated with you.
You must do so without attacking them
or justifying your behavior. This is
from their perspective only.
-----------------------------
The words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious. (Ecclesiastes 10:12)
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Love Dare-Day 4
Day 4
Love is thoughtful
How precious also are Your thoughts to me. . . .
How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them,
they would outnumber the sand. —Psalm 139:17–18
Love thinks. It’s not a mindless feeling that rides on waves of emotion and falls asleep mentally. It keeps busy in thought, knowing that loving thoughts precede loving actions.
When you first fell in love, being thoughtful came quite naturally. You spent hours dreaming of what your loved one looked like, wondering what he or she was doing, rehearsing impressive things to say, then enjoying sweet memories of the time you spent together. You honestly confessed, “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
But for most couples, things begin to change after marriage. The wife finally has her man; the husband has his trophy. The hunt is over and the pursuing done. Sparks of romance slowly burn into grey embers, and the motivation for thoughtfulness cools. You drift into focusing on your job, your friends, your problems, your personal desires, yourself. After a while, you unintentionally begin to ignore the needs of your mate.
But the fact that marriage has added another person to your universe does not change. Therefore, if your thinking doesn’t mature enough to constantly include this person, you catch yourself being surprised rather than being thoughtful.
“Today’s our anniversary?”
“Why didn’t you include me in that decision?”
“Don’t you ever think about anyone but yourself?”
If you don’t learn to be thoughtful, you end up regretting missed opportunities to demonstrate love. Thoughtlessness is a silent enemy to a loving relationship.
Let’s be honest. Men struggle with thoughtfulness more than women. A man can focus like a laser on one thing and forget the rest of the world. Whereas this can benefit him in that one arena, it can make him overlook other things that need his attention.
A woman, on the other hand, is more multi-conscious, able to maintain an amazing awareness of many factors at once. She can talk on the phone, cook, know where the kids are in the house, and wonder why her husband isn’t helping . . . all simultaneously. Adding to this, a woman also thinks relationally. When she works on something, she is cognizant of all the people who are somehow connected to it.
Both of these tendencies are examples of how God designed women to complete their men. As God said at creation, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). But these differences also create opportunities for misunderstanding.
Men, for example, tend to think in headlines and say exactly what they mean. Not much is needed to understand the message. His words are more literal and shouldn’t be overanalyzed. But women think and speak between the lines. They tend to hint. A man often has to listen for what is implied if he wants to get the full meaning.
If a couple doesn’t understand this about one another, the fallout can result in endless disagreements. He’s frustrated wondering why she speaks in riddles and doesn’t just come out and say things. She’s frustrated wondering why he’s so inconsiderate and doesn’t add two and two together and just figure it out.
A woman deeply longs for her husband to be thoughtful. It is a key to helping her feel loved. When she speaks, a wise man will listen like a detective to discover the unspoken needs and desires her words imply. If, however, she always has to put the pieces together for him, it steals the opportunity for him to demonstrate that he loves her.
This also explains why women will get upset with their husbands without telling them why. In her mind she’s thinking, “I shouldn’t have to spell it out for him. He should be able to look at the situation and see what’s going on here.” At the same time, he’s grieved because he can’t read her mind and wonders why he’s being punished for a crime he didn’t know he committed.
Love requires thoughtfulness—on both sides—the kind that builds bridges through the constructive combination of patience, kindness, and selflessness. Love teaches you how to meet in the middle, to respect and appreciate how your spouse uniquely thinks.
A husband should listen to his wife and learn to be considerate of her unspoken messages. A wife should learn to communicate truthfully and not say one thing while meaning another.
But too often you become angry and frustrated instead, following the destructive pattern of “ready, shoot, aim.” You speak harshly now and determine later if you should have said it. But the thoughtful nature of love teaches you to engage your mind before engaging your lips. Love thinks before speaking. It filters words through a grid of truth and kindness.
When was the last time you spent a few minutes thinking about how you could better understand and demonstrate love to your spouse? What immediate need can you meet? What’s the next event (anniversary, birthday, holiday) you could be preparing for? Great marriages come from great thinking.
Today’s Dare
Contact your spouse sometime during
the business of the day. Have no agenda
other than asking how he or she
is doing and if there is anything
you could do for them.
Love is thoughtful
How precious also are Your thoughts to me. . . .
How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them,
they would outnumber the sand. —Psalm 139:17–18
Love thinks. It’s not a mindless feeling that rides on waves of emotion and falls asleep mentally. It keeps busy in thought, knowing that loving thoughts precede loving actions.
When you first fell in love, being thoughtful came quite naturally. You spent hours dreaming of what your loved one looked like, wondering what he or she was doing, rehearsing impressive things to say, then enjoying sweet memories of the time you spent together. You honestly confessed, “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
But for most couples, things begin to change after marriage. The wife finally has her man; the husband has his trophy. The hunt is over and the pursuing done. Sparks of romance slowly burn into grey embers, and the motivation for thoughtfulness cools. You drift into focusing on your job, your friends, your problems, your personal desires, yourself. After a while, you unintentionally begin to ignore the needs of your mate.
But the fact that marriage has added another person to your universe does not change. Therefore, if your thinking doesn’t mature enough to constantly include this person, you catch yourself being surprised rather than being thoughtful.
“Today’s our anniversary?”
“Why didn’t you include me in that decision?”
“Don’t you ever think about anyone but yourself?”
If you don’t learn to be thoughtful, you end up regretting missed opportunities to demonstrate love. Thoughtlessness is a silent enemy to a loving relationship.
Let’s be honest. Men struggle with thoughtfulness more than women. A man can focus like a laser on one thing and forget the rest of the world. Whereas this can benefit him in that one arena, it can make him overlook other things that need his attention.
A woman, on the other hand, is more multi-conscious, able to maintain an amazing awareness of many factors at once. She can talk on the phone, cook, know where the kids are in the house, and wonder why her husband isn’t helping . . . all simultaneously. Adding to this, a woman also thinks relationally. When she works on something, she is cognizant of all the people who are somehow connected to it.
Both of these tendencies are examples of how God designed women to complete their men. As God said at creation, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). But these differences also create opportunities for misunderstanding.
Men, for example, tend to think in headlines and say exactly what they mean. Not much is needed to understand the message. His words are more literal and shouldn’t be overanalyzed. But women think and speak between the lines. They tend to hint. A man often has to listen for what is implied if he wants to get the full meaning.
If a couple doesn’t understand this about one another, the fallout can result in endless disagreements. He’s frustrated wondering why she speaks in riddles and doesn’t just come out and say things. She’s frustrated wondering why he’s so inconsiderate and doesn’t add two and two together and just figure it out.
A woman deeply longs for her husband to be thoughtful. It is a key to helping her feel loved. When she speaks, a wise man will listen like a detective to discover the unspoken needs and desires her words imply. If, however, she always has to put the pieces together for him, it steals the opportunity for him to demonstrate that he loves her.
This also explains why women will get upset with their husbands without telling them why. In her mind she’s thinking, “I shouldn’t have to spell it out for him. He should be able to look at the situation and see what’s going on here.” At the same time, he’s grieved because he can’t read her mind and wonders why he’s being punished for a crime he didn’t know he committed.
Love requires thoughtfulness—on both sides—the kind that builds bridges through the constructive combination of patience, kindness, and selflessness. Love teaches you how to meet in the middle, to respect and appreciate how your spouse uniquely thinks.
A husband should listen to his wife and learn to be considerate of her unspoken messages. A wife should learn to communicate truthfully and not say one thing while meaning another.
But too often you become angry and frustrated instead, following the destructive pattern of “ready, shoot, aim.” You speak harshly now and determine later if you should have said it. But the thoughtful nature of love teaches you to engage your mind before engaging your lips. Love thinks before speaking. It filters words through a grid of truth and kindness.
When was the last time you spent a few minutes thinking about how you could better understand and demonstrate love to your spouse? What immediate need can you meet? What’s the next event (anniversary, birthday, holiday) you could be preparing for? Great marriages come from great thinking.
Today’s Dare
Contact your spouse sometime during
the business of the day. Have no agenda
other than asking how he or she
is doing and if there is anything
you could do for them.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Monday Monday Monday
What else can you say but it's Monday! Yesterday was a great day, minus a few things, but it can't be perfect! We tried medium flow nipples with Carter and he ate so much faster and probably could have eaten more. But we realized that the feeding before bed and during the night we need to use slow because they make him tired. And easier to put to bed. So today I think I will try to feed him 6 oz and see how that goes. I bought a different swaddle blanket at walmart yesterday that's to my cousin for telling me about it. It was so easy to wrap him up and because he can't break out of it, he slept for nine hours straight last night. Woke up, ate and went right back to sleep. I hope he takes good naps like yesterday! So far first nap was only 45 min. Not great but better than nothing. On second nap now... I did decide thatcarter isn't ready for faster nipples. He threw up 5 times this morning. Not just a liitle spit up but threw up, so went back to slow ones. Maybe he won't throw up any more. While I sit here in silence, my brain is going like crazy and I am thinking about things going on right now. Worrying actually and I realize, why am I doing this? There is a reason for these obstacles. God is trying to tell me or teach me something. So I will ignore those things in my life that cause me to not focus on god. Problem solved! Well naps were horrible today and now he won't go to bed! Naps are so very very important! Today was a roller coaster if emotions day. Some bad stuff happened but God knows why... And I got to talk to my sisnin law...'planned to get together in a few
Weeks.
Then danielles water broke so baby Riley is almost here! Can't wait to seenhim! Well Carter faked sleep again... Gonna be a long night!
Weeks.
Then danielles water broke so baby Riley is almost here! Can't wait to seenhim! Well Carter faked sleep again... Gonna be a long night!
Live Dare-Day 3
Day 3
Love is not selfish
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love;
give preference to one another in honor. —Romans 12:10
We live in a world that is enamored with “self.” The culture around us teaches us to focus on our appearance, feelings, and personal desires as the top priority. The goal, it seems, is to chase the highest level of happiness possible. The danger from this kind of thinking, however, becomes painfully apparent once inside a marriage relationship.
If there were ever a word that basically means the opposite of love, it is selfishness. Unfortunately it is something that is ingrained into every person from birth. You can see it in the way young children act, and often in the way adults mistreat one another. Almost every sinful action ever committed can be traced back to a selfish motive. It is a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves. Yet you cannot point out the many ways your spouse is selfish without admitting that you can be selfish too. That would be hypocritical.
Why do we have such low standards for ourselves but high expectations for our mate? The answer is a painful pill to swallow. We are all selfish.
When a husband puts his interests, desires, and priorities in front of his wife, that’s a sign of selfishness. When a wife constantly complains about the time and energy she spends meeting the needs of her husband, that’s a sign of selfishness. But love “does not seek its own” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Loving couples—the ones who are enjoying the full purpose of marriage—are bent on taking good care of the other flawed human they get to share life with. That’s because true love looks for ways to say “yes.”
One ironic aspect of selfishness is that even generous actions can be selfish if the motive is to gain bragging rights or receive a reward. If you do even a good thing to deceitfully manipulate your husband or wife, you are still being selfish. The bottom line is that you either make decisions out of love for others or love for yourself.
Love is never satisfied except in the welfare of others. You can’t be acting out of real love and selfishness at the same time. Choosing to love your mate will cause you to say “no” to what you want so you can say “yes” to what they need. That’s putting the happiness of your partner above your own. It doesn’t mean you can never experience happiness, but you don’t negate the happiness of your spouse so you can enjoy it yourself.
Love also leads to inner joy. When you prioritize the well-being of your mate, there is a resulting fulfillment that cannot be duplicated by selfish actions. This is a benefit that God created and reserves for those who genuinely demonstrate love. The truth is, when you relinquish your rights for the sake of your mate, you get a chance to lose yourself to the greater purpose of marriage.
Nobody knows you as well as your spouse. And that means no one will be quicker to recognize a change when you deliberately start sacrificing your wants and wishes to make sure his or her needs are met.
If you find it hard to sacrifice your own desires to benefit your spouse, then you may have a deeper problem with selfishness than you want to admit.
Ask yourself these questions:
• Do I truly want what’s best for my husband or wife?
• Do I want them to feel loved by me?
• Do they believe I have their best interests in mind?
• Do they see me as looking out for myself first?
Whether you like it or not, you have a reputation in the eyes of those around you, especially in the eyes of your spouse. But is it a loving reputation? Remember, your marriage partner also has the challenge of loving a selfish person. So determine to be the first to demonstrate real love to them, with your eyes wide open. And when all is said and done, you’ll both be more fulfilled.
“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3).
Today’s Dare
Whatever you put your time, energy, and
money into will become more important
to you. It’s hard to care for something
you are not investing in. Along with
restraining from negative comments,
buy your spouse something that says,
“I was thinking of you today."
Love is not selfish
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love;
give preference to one another in honor. —Romans 12:10
We live in a world that is enamored with “self.” The culture around us teaches us to focus on our appearance, feelings, and personal desires as the top priority. The goal, it seems, is to chase the highest level of happiness possible. The danger from this kind of thinking, however, becomes painfully apparent once inside a marriage relationship.
If there were ever a word that basically means the opposite of love, it is selfishness. Unfortunately it is something that is ingrained into every person from birth. You can see it in the way young children act, and often in the way adults mistreat one another. Almost every sinful action ever committed can be traced back to a selfish motive. It is a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves. Yet you cannot point out the many ways your spouse is selfish without admitting that you can be selfish too. That would be hypocritical.
Why do we have such low standards for ourselves but high expectations for our mate? The answer is a painful pill to swallow. We are all selfish.
When a husband puts his interests, desires, and priorities in front of his wife, that’s a sign of selfishness. When a wife constantly complains about the time and energy she spends meeting the needs of her husband, that’s a sign of selfishness. But love “does not seek its own” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Loving couples—the ones who are enjoying the full purpose of marriage—are bent on taking good care of the other flawed human they get to share life with. That’s because true love looks for ways to say “yes.”
One ironic aspect of selfishness is that even generous actions can be selfish if the motive is to gain bragging rights or receive a reward. If you do even a good thing to deceitfully manipulate your husband or wife, you are still being selfish. The bottom line is that you either make decisions out of love for others or love for yourself.
Love is never satisfied except in the welfare of others. You can’t be acting out of real love and selfishness at the same time. Choosing to love your mate will cause you to say “no” to what you want so you can say “yes” to what they need. That’s putting the happiness of your partner above your own. It doesn’t mean you can never experience happiness, but you don’t negate the happiness of your spouse so you can enjoy it yourself.
Love also leads to inner joy. When you prioritize the well-being of your mate, there is a resulting fulfillment that cannot be duplicated by selfish actions. This is a benefit that God created and reserves for those who genuinely demonstrate love. The truth is, when you relinquish your rights for the sake of your mate, you get a chance to lose yourself to the greater purpose of marriage.
Nobody knows you as well as your spouse. And that means no one will be quicker to recognize a change when you deliberately start sacrificing your wants and wishes to make sure his or her needs are met.
If you find it hard to sacrifice your own desires to benefit your spouse, then you may have a deeper problem with selfishness than you want to admit.
Ask yourself these questions:
• Do I truly want what’s best for my husband or wife?
• Do I want them to feel loved by me?
• Do they believe I have their best interests in mind?
• Do they see me as looking out for myself first?
Whether you like it or not, you have a reputation in the eyes of those around you, especially in the eyes of your spouse. But is it a loving reputation? Remember, your marriage partner also has the challenge of loving a selfish person. So determine to be the first to demonstrate real love to them, with your eyes wide open. And when all is said and done, you’ll both be more fulfilled.
“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3).
Today’s Dare
Whatever you put your time, energy, and
money into will become more important
to you. It’s hard to care for something
you are not investing in. Along with
restraining from negative comments,
buy your spouse something that says,
“I was thinking of you today."
Spectacular Sunday
Last night Carter slept for 11 hours with one feeding in the middle. Then his first nap was two hours long and now he is on his second nap and fell asleep with no problem. Derrick has been taking care if him today while I do whatever I want. God, Derrick and Carter knew I needed a break after the last two days. Me and mom decided to go shopping and left the three guys to chill. Really good day. But somehow there is always something that finds it's way into my day that ruins the goodness. Oh well, I will just ignore it. Carter took like two two hour naps and a couple smaller ones, he did great for Derrick!! Well it's a shirt one but that's all I have to say! Night
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Back Track #4-Delivery
Delivery... WOW!
Lets see...
Friday, January 7, 2011 I had some little contractions during the day, but not enough to make me worry. That evening we went to McDs with my folks. I ate a Big Mac, Fries, and an Apple Pie. The little girl that took our order said "wow, I have never seen such a big pregnant girl, you look like your about to bust" and so we joked about how my water broke and freaked her out.
We went back to my folks house and I started having more contactions...I did squats and jumping jacks..just kidding. Sure did worry my dad tho!
Got home, went to bed...was so excited because I was going to sleep all day. We were scheduled to be induced on Sunday, January 9, so I was going to sleep as much as possible before then.
Around 1:30 am I woke up with pretty strong contractions. I just sat quietly waiting for them to pass. Around 2ish, Derrick woke up because I guess i was being pretty loud. But they were starting to really hurt! I didn't want to go to the hospital until I knew for sure that I was really in labor. So I just sat around the house, made sure we had everything packed while Derrick hung last min things up on Carters wall! haha Around 2:30 we finally decided it was time to go, and made the calls to our parents..they were all so excited. I was too. I did NOT want to be induced. I wanted the excitement of leaving in the middle of the night, and that is what I got! We got to the hospital around 3 and they put me in a little room while they asked me questions. Even tho we told our parents they didn't have to ocme yet, they came anyways and sat in the waiting room all day. They had me try to eat a little and I sat in that room for what seemed like forever until they thought my contractions were strong enough to keep me.
By around 4 ish I was in a room. My contractions were pretty strong by now. Sometime during the morning they gave me my epidural. It didn't work. He put it in crooked so I coudl feel half of my body. But it did work for a few minutes, but it caused my blood pressure to drop real low real fast, so that made me sick. They did a second one and it fell out so I could feel everything. They did a third and it didn't work...and so they did a fourth..by then the contractions were KILLING ME but basically the epideral wasn't going to work, so I started pushing without meds.
In between epiderals, when I felt good for a few minutes, people would come see me. There we so many people there! I was shocked!
Everytime I had to get a new epideral Derrick would have to leave the room, so he would go updated everyone. I had no idea by my parents, especially my dad were freaking out.
I pushed a little here and there. They told me they thought he would be here by 11. I started really pushing I think around noon. But then when it was time to have him, the doctor wasn't there...so I just screamed until she got there. She finally got there and I got to really push. Since I had no meds in me, I felt everything, and it hurt less when I pushed..so I was ready to do this!!!
And our little man was born at 1:29 pm
Lets see...
Friday, January 7, 2011 I had some little contractions during the day, but not enough to make me worry. That evening we went to McDs with my folks. I ate a Big Mac, Fries, and an Apple Pie. The little girl that took our order said "wow, I have never seen such a big pregnant girl, you look like your about to bust" and so we joked about how my water broke and freaked her out.
We went back to my folks house and I started having more contactions...I did squats and jumping jacks..just kidding. Sure did worry my dad tho!
Got home, went to bed...was so excited because I was going to sleep all day. We were scheduled to be induced on Sunday, January 9, so I was going to sleep as much as possible before then.
Around 1:30 am I woke up with pretty strong contractions. I just sat quietly waiting for them to pass. Around 2ish, Derrick woke up because I guess i was being pretty loud. But they were starting to really hurt! I didn't want to go to the hospital until I knew for sure that I was really in labor. So I just sat around the house, made sure we had everything packed while Derrick hung last min things up on Carters wall! haha Around 2:30 we finally decided it was time to go, and made the calls to our parents..they were all so excited. I was too. I did NOT want to be induced. I wanted the excitement of leaving in the middle of the night, and that is what I got! We got to the hospital around 3 and they put me in a little room while they asked me questions. Even tho we told our parents they didn't have to ocme yet, they came anyways and sat in the waiting room all day. They had me try to eat a little and I sat in that room for what seemed like forever until they thought my contractions were strong enough to keep me.
This picture was taken in the few minutes that my first epidural was working and I felt good.
In between epiderals, when I felt good for a few minutes, people would come see me. There we so many people there! I was shocked!
Everytime I had to get a new epideral Derrick would have to leave the room, so he would go updated everyone. I had no idea by my parents, especially my dad were freaking out.
And our little man was born at 1:29 pm
Then we had TONS of visitors wanting to see our little guy! I would post all your pics..but there were so many people that would take me forever! Love you all!!!
Back Track #3- Blue or Pink?!
For those of you that know me, you know that I like to do things Big and Fun! So when it came time to telling people if we were going to have a boy or girl, I wanted it to be fun!
August 23, we found out if it was a boy or girl...
And on August 25, we broke the news
We decided to have balloons delivered to Derrick's Family with the answer inside the balloon...
And we made cupcakes for my family...
August 23, we found out if it was a boy or girl...
And on August 25, we broke the news
We decided to have balloons delivered to Derrick's Family with the answer inside the balloon...
ITS A BOY!!! Carter Blake Thomas
Earlier Sono pics...
June 1,2010 8 weeks
June 23, 2010 11 weeks
And then our 4D
Back Track #2-Baby?!
Well, lets see...Carter.
In December of 2009 Derrick and I decided that we wanted to add to our little family..aka BABY!!
I thought that I would get pregnant right away since everyone in my family has...as the months went by, the more upsetting it got. I actually scheduled an appointment to make sure that everything with me was ok. I went in, they did a sonogram and said that everything looked good but that sometimes it just takes a while to get pregnant. It had been four months and I wanted to get pregnant NOW! They did mention (and this is more detail than you all want, but its interesting) that my uterus was pretty big. That meant that I was about to support a pregnancy or that I was about to start my period. Well in my head I knew that I wasn't pregnant because over the last four months, every month I "knew" i was pregnant and we bought so many tests for them to just say negative. It was really starting to get to me. But guess what?! I was pregnant!!! Just really early on so the dr didn't know!! On May 6, 2010 at 5 am I got my first positive test.
Ok, so by this point I am pretty well convinced that they tests are lying! So I called the clinic, and they told me that if the tests say I am, then I am pregnant. They dont do blood work anymore to confirm, so I got an appointment for like 8 weeks later for my first check up. WEll that didn't fly with me. I wanted blood work done so I could know FOR SURE that this was really happening. So I called my family dr and they got me in that same day! and a few hours later, they called me back with the results. I was scared out of my mind. And the lady said "happy mothers day!" haha I loved that she told me that way. So mothers day was two days away and we decided to not tell anyone until then. We got our moms necklaces and cards that said Happy mothers day Grandma!
Derrick's family wasn't very surprised...
Especially Dad! 
No one seemed to shocked..except my aunt mindy, who as soon as she figured out what the shirts meant...screamed and told the whole restaurant that I was pregnant! haha Loved it!
In December of 2009 Derrick and I decided that we wanted to add to our little family..aka BABY!!
I thought that I would get pregnant right away since everyone in my family has...as the months went by, the more upsetting it got. I actually scheduled an appointment to make sure that everything with me was ok. I went in, they did a sonogram and said that everything looked good but that sometimes it just takes a while to get pregnant. It had been four months and I wanted to get pregnant NOW! They did mention (and this is more detail than you all want, but its interesting) that my uterus was pretty big. That meant that I was about to support a pregnancy or that I was about to start my period. Well in my head I knew that I wasn't pregnant because over the last four months, every month I "knew" i was pregnant and we bought so many tests for them to just say negative. It was really starting to get to me. But guess what?! I was pregnant!!! Just really early on so the dr didn't know!! On May 6, 2010 at 5 am I got my first positive test.
ONly problem was, they were free ones we got in the mail. Derrick decided he wanted to pee on one too..and it said pregnant! haha so either we had a problem and Derrick was pregnant or I really wasn't pregnant. So the next day we bought GOOD EXPENSIVE tests...and on May 7 at 4 am, I got another positive test!!!
But I didn't believe it! haha So yes...I kept testing... May 7 at 7:15 another positive!!
Still didn't trust it, so May 7 at 11 am
And... May 8, 2010 at 1:30 pm
Ok, so by this point I am pretty well convinced that they tests are lying! So I called the clinic, and they told me that if the tests say I am, then I am pregnant. They dont do blood work anymore to confirm, so I got an appointment for like 8 weeks later for my first check up. WEll that didn't fly with me. I wanted blood work done so I could know FOR SURE that this was really happening. So I called my family dr and they got me in that same day! and a few hours later, they called me back with the results. I was scared out of my mind. And the lady said "happy mothers day!" haha I loved that she told me that way. So mothers day was two days away and we decided to not tell anyone until then. We got our moms necklaces and cards that said Happy mothers day Grandma!
Derrick's family wasn't very surprised...
But my family was shocked...
Especially Dad! 
But Karissa knew all along...I had to tell someone!
The funniest part is when we told my dad's family. We made my folks shirts that would basically tell everyone.
Oh but the coolest part...a year earlier a friend of mine, that I worked with, Brandi, told me she had a dream that I was going to have a baby on January 9. And my due date... January 9! CRAZY!!!!
Back Track...
For those of you that dont know me very well, I want to give a little glimps into my life, and how we got to where we are today...
Me and Derrick:
Derrick and I met in 2006 through mutual friends. After hanging out for a while, we started "officially dating" May 28, 2006. I have always been the type of girl that would date someone and find some little thing about them that I didn't like so I could break up with them. I didn't like to stay with people very long. After a few months, I decided that it was time for me to break up with Derrick. After trying to find a reason to break up with him, I didn't have a real good reason, but I tried anyways. Well Derrick wouldn't allow that. So we kept dating! haha A few months later, I tried again. After about a year I realized that I should just stop trying to break up with him, because he wasnt going to let me and it was obvious that this is who God wanted me with. After dating for a little over two years, Derrick popped the question. He knew that I wanted to use my grandma's wedding band, so he somehow stole it out of my room, and had a ring made with that band. It was gorgeous!!
Me and Derrick:
Derrick and I met in 2006 through mutual friends. After hanging out for a while, we started "officially dating" May 28, 2006. I have always been the type of girl that would date someone and find some little thing about them that I didn't like so I could break up with them. I didn't like to stay with people very long. After a few months, I decided that it was time for me to break up with Derrick. After trying to find a reason to break up with him, I didn't have a real good reason, but I tried anyways. Well Derrick wouldn't allow that. So we kept dating! haha A few months later, I tried again. After about a year I realized that I should just stop trying to break up with him, because he wasnt going to let me and it was obvious that this is who God wanted me with. After dating for a little over two years, Derrick popped the question. He knew that I wanted to use my grandma's wedding band, so he somehow stole it out of my room, and had a ring made with that band. It was gorgeous!!
The Proposal:
He went to ask my dad for permission and my dad said he looked insanely nervous, but Derrick swears he wasn't. He asked Dad said he thought he was joking because he didn't think I liked Derrick. I just like to keep things to myself. So that night Derrick and I went to dinner and a move, say the Traveling Pants Two. haha And when we got back to derrick's house, he had candles and rose petals leading through his house to his back patio where he was waiting on his knee with the ring. i have never seen him look so nervous!
We picked a wedding date about three days later: May 30. That was the saturday after our three year anniversary. My folks dated three years before they got married. Our three year anniversary was May 28 and my folks wedding anniversary is May 29, so it just seemed perfect! That gave me about nine months to start planning the wedding. No problem at all! I was completely finished in about 5 months. I got my dress, made all my decorations and just had to wait for May 30 to roll around. The best part, I only spend $3000 on the whole wedding. I paid half and dad paid half. I have never wanted a wedding really, but I thought my folks wanted me to have one, so I did...and I wanted to do it simple and cheap and that is what I did and it was perfect!
The wedding was about 15 min long, which was almost too long for me! haha We then had a small reception at the fellowship center across from the church. And then off to South Padre for our honeymoon!
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